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Machine Head’s Robb Flynn Details Diet and Extreme Flatulence in New Journal Entry

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Robb Flynn diaperSometimes Machine Head frontman Robb Flynn writes entries in his General Journals series about hot-button, racially charged political issues. Sometimes he opines on the state of the music industry. And sometimes he regresses to the four-year old that’s still inside all of us and talks about his farts.

The old coot just turned 49, so he decided to devote his latest journal entry to his health: his diet routine, exercise regimen, nightly pee habits, and, well… it seems his recent switch to vegetarianism has made things a little rough on the olfactory senses for the other members of his household:

Since Sunday I’ve switched to a protein-heavy, all-plant-based diet and completely eliminated meat/dairy and I’m sticking with it for one week, til next Sunday. I’ll eat red meat on Sunday. I’m going to see how it makes me feel. I read about Bill Clinton switching over, and it peaked my interest, as I’ve fluctuated between meat-a-tarian and vegetarian more than a few times throughout my life. I also read quite a bit from a Vegan Power Lifter named Robert Dos Remidios. Dude’s been “plant-only” for 25 years and at 6’ 3”, 235 pounds, dude seemed like he knew what he was talking about.

For the next week, I start every morning with coffee with Silk almond creamer and a protein shake smoothie based off of Vega – Brown Rice protein/Hemp protein/Pea protein with fruit and almond milk. For lunch, some LightLife fake burger meat in Barilla protein pasta, (both heavy in bean/hemp-based protein). Another protein shake or dark chocolate walnuts for a pick-me-up instead of more coffee. For dinner maybe a big-ass salad with beans and protein tortillas with protein heavy wheat-meat Tacos (Seitan: pronounced Satan!).

Staying away from too much Soy, as like all of you, I listened to that Howard Stern interview where the dude talked about the testosterone-killing-evils of too much Soy for men. But I will have some Soy as it’s just too good not to.

I’ll finish each night off with some red wine or a Lagunita’s “13” Red Ale, cause fuck, man’s gotta have his vice, and that limited edition 13 from Lagunita’s is out of this world!!

As I’ve done for years, no drugs, no pills, no weed, no medicine. Only a liquid vitamin/mineral shot, and some much needed (and hilariously named) “Beano”, which is an over the counter natural gas/fart eliminating enzyme you take before meals.

Because let me tell you… maybe it’s all this plant-only shit pushing out all the meat from my intestines, but Holy-Mother-Of FUCK, my farts are D-E-A-D-L-Y!!

I am fucking repulsed by how long they linger!! Genevra literally gagged last night after laying her head near the blast-zone 2 MINUTES after I’d done the deed! If we wrapped our house up, I could effectively kill every spider, termite, and bug inhabiting our household with the noxious nuclear gasses emanating from my anus!! I’m not kidding, if this music stuff doesn’t pan out, I’m starting Flynn’s Furious Fumigation and I guarantee results!

Whew!!

The Beano helps, so hopefully after a few more days it evens out.

The moral of the story: if you’re in a room with Robb Flynn when things start to get stinky, and everyone’s looking around to see who did it… now you know.

Read the rest of the entry here. Punishing flatulence aside, I found the stuff about his diet and exercise really informative — I can only hope to be as motivated and healthy as Robb when I’m 49.

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