White Lung Vocalist Calls Allegaeon the “Laziest, Most Pathetic, Sub-Human Beta Males in America”

  • Axl Rosenberg

Earlier this week, Allegaeon solicited financial aid from fans so that they won’t have to break up. When we first reported the story, I could just hear the Internet bitching and moaning about how Allegaeon’s request was a violation of who even knows what precious code of honor, and I initially included a pre-emptive rebuttal to those claims. Then I deleted it before publication, hoping that maybe I was being too cynical and no one would make a stink.

And the moral of the story is, you’re never being too cynical.

White Lung vocalist Mish Barber-Way has written an open letter to Allegaeon (via Clrvynt) in which she takes the band to task for their actions. After calling the band “pussies” and congratulating them for being “officially the laziest, most pathetic, sub-human beta males in America,” Barber-Way stops mincing words and tells Allegaeon how she really feels:

“Your begging video was a complete joke. As I listened to your ‘TM’ [tour manager] spout off all the money you owed (over $8,700), I was shaking my head. If you were a small business, you would fold. I listened to your tour expenses, and you guys are such morons. You are paying people you don’t even need. First off, management. If your manager was doing his job, you wouldn’t be in this position. Fire him. Two, a driver? Can none of you drive? Stop ruining his life and let him go after a lucrative career – unlike you lazy shit brains. Don’t fire your agent. He is your only hope. Have none of you any business skills? Stop hiring people to do jobs you are capable of. Cut the expenses, except essentials like gas, shelter and water. Do you pay taxes or collect? Do you even file? 

“What makes you think you are entitled to our money and pity? Why should I spend my hard earned money to help you when your misfortune is by choice, not chance? I’m seriously asking.”

Okay, well, I’m obviously not a member of Allegaeon, but fuck it, I’ll seriously answer.

They’re not entitled to our pity, or our money. (I didn’t get the sense from Allegaeon’s initial request that they felt like their fans owed them the money, but maybe I misinterpreted their intentions and beliefs.) And it’s entirely possible they’re making shitty business decisions (I agree that they absolutely do not need a driver at this stage of their career). So if you look at this whole picture and say, “No, I don’t think this band is worth giving $X per month,” that’s absolutely fine. No politician is running on a platform of raising your taxes to pay Allegaeon. It basically just comes down to how much you like Allegaeon’s music. If you want there to continue to be an Allegaeon, you can donate. If you don’t care or straight-up want them to fail, you can not donate.

What I sincerely cannot wrap my head around is why Barber-Way is so furious about this (in addition to the aforementioned niceties, she goes on to call the band “dickless” and “more pathetic than people who fake disability or rob small stores for money,” and even goes so far as to assert that “Feminism did this to you weaklings”). And I’m the king of getting angry about stuff that isn’t worth getting angry about! But it’s not as though every dollar pledged to Allegaeon is a dollar deducted from White Lung. Allegaeon’s request isn’t going to cause a global economic meltdown. You might be able to argue that they’re lazy, but you can’t argue that they’re scamming anyone.

Again: Want there to be an Allegaeon? Donate. Don’t care/don’t want there to be an Allegaeon? Don’t donate. Regardless of your decision, I highly recommend mediation and/or marijuana as a means of relaxation. Plenty of things will kill you; the business practices of a relatively small-time metal band should not be one of them.

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