To Anyone Who Didn’t Have Fun Today


Hello Metalsucks Readers. By now you should know that I’m pretty drunk. It’s been a blast preparing all this content. I hope you all had fun. I understand that some readers are some dedicated motherfuckers that probably wanted to read about Metal all day. Sorry to disappoint anyone, I’ve been here breaking my neck to the new Ulcerate album(it’s really fucking good) pounding Tilquin Gueuze(you can’t afford it) all night, and I thought of a few things to remind some of the people who may be thinking I’m a complete fucking idiot.

  1. I’m better than you
  2. I’m richer than you
  3. I’m tanner than you
  4. Bombay = hawk
  5. My dick is bigger
  6. My nuts slap harder
  7. I eat better than you
  8. I fuck better than you
  9. My hair is better
  10. My face is prettier
  11. My dick hangs lower
  12. I fuck hotter pussy
  13. I drive a better car
  14. I’m better at sports
  15. I’m more fit than you
  16. My abs are tighter
  17. My muscles are bigger
  18. I travel more than you
  19. I get the panties wetter
  20. People know me
  21. I’m funny
  22. I’m polite
  23. I’m the life of the party
  24. Dudes want to be me
  25. Chicks wanna fuck me
  26. My clothes are more $
  27. I have class
  28. I have style
  29. I see better shows
  30. My office is bigger
  31. I make more money
  32. I spend more money
  33. I crap bigger than you
  34. I fuck louder than you
  35. I’m never an underdog
  36. I don’t ask questions
  37. I take whatever I want
  38. I drink top shelf
  39. I wear more alligator
  40. I spend without caring
  41. My feet are prettier
  42. My eyes are dreamier
  43. I fuck more pussy
  44. I see more Broadway
  45. I fuck 10’s and up
  46. My nuts hang lower
  47. I’m more cultured
  48. I slick my hair
  49. My asshole is waxed
  50. You’ll never be me
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