Dear Juggalos: We Need You, Now More Than Ever, at Tomorrow’s March in Washington D.C.


With competing pro-Trump and pro-Juggalo rallies set to descend on the National Mall in Washington D.C. tomorrow, we — the collective ‘we,’ as in ‘anyone with a rational brain’ — find ourselves in a most unexpected position.

Dear Juggalos: we need you.

We understand that we’ve spent years making fun of you and the band you love. We see now that you are fine people with much to contribute to society. You’re peaceful, not hateful. You’re organizing this weekend to fight the utterly ridiculous designation of Juggalos as a gang. We get it, and we support the Million Juggalo March! We are sorry that throughout the years, both the government and the general public have treated you like clowns. In our defense, you dress, literally, like clowns.

But that’s neither here nor there! Let us not allow the fact that we have different tastes in music divide us any longer; shit, your makeup isn’t that far a cry from corpsepaint (sssh, don’t tell the trve black metallers).

Juggalos: we need you tomorrow to stand up for reason and logic. We need you to fight against hatred and bigotry. We need you to stand up to our current administration and all the blatant lies, racism and misogyny it peddles.

It feels weird to say this, but we are on the same team now. The enemy: the allegedly peaceful Mother of All Rallies and all that it represents. The juxtaposition will be on full display tomorrow in startling graphic detail on the National Mall.

Let me be clear: I am not advocating violence! Be cool and collected. Engage a Trump supporter if you see one and try and talk some logic into them. It’s difficult, I know, since they don’t really listen… but do what you can. Remember, you and Trump supporters actually have something in common: a love of God and a questionable understanding of science!

But PLEASE do not resort to physical fighting unless it is in self-defense (and don’t stand for any bad apples who may be amongst you — there’s too much at stake to let a couple of crazy assholes represent your entire population). You want to prove to the world that you’re not the cretins they think you are? You want to prove to the government that it’s wrong yo classify you as a criminal organization? This is your chance! Be the bigger ninjas and remain peaceful. Let everyone see that you’re perfectly good people who just so happen to feel passionate about rapping clowns and a particular brand of soda pop.

WE ARE WITH YOU, Juggalos. You are doing the right thing. Brothers in arms. Best of luck tomorrow, comrades!

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