Snaximus’s Top 15 Musical Snacks of 2017 (Reviewed with Emojis)
Dear Fellow Millenials,
Before we begin, just know that Selena Gomez‘s new song “Wolves” is my top track of the year. Axl and Vince don’t allow singles on this list though 😓. So I had to write up a bunch of metal albums 😩.
Anyway, 2017 was a HUGE year for everyone! One of my biggest highlights was getting to meet Marty Friedman with my friend Jason:
Later that night I hung out with Vince Neilstein at the Zakk Wylde show. Things got pretty silly!
Probably the zaniest moment of the year was when I bought Red Fang a bunch of sushi and then tried to shoot a guitar lesson with them. Things got Pretty Crazy!
Anyway, I will be reviewing the following 15 albums in emojis – I’m a millennial, and presumably you are, too (unless you belong to majority of MetalSucks demo, ages 60-80, i.e. people who listen to metal). I don’t have time to read. I barely have time to listen to music. So why punish you with text when I can easily use expressive, mainstream graphics designed by Apple Computers?
- Each album gets three emojis.
- These emoji’s tell the album’s story, themes, or purpose in culture/economy.
- These emojis are the be all end all review of the album.
🤘🏻 Rock on 🤘🏻
15. Ruby the Hatchet — Planetary Space Child (Tee Pee)
14. Pallbearer — Heartless (Nuclear Blast)
13. Municipal Waste — Slime and Punishment (Nuclear Blast)
12. God Mother — Vilseledd (Party Smasher)
11. Oranssi Pazuzu — Kevät / Värimyrsky (20 Buck Spin)
10. Glassjaw — Material Control (Century Media)
9. Tangerine Dream — Quantum Gate (Kscope)
8. Krallice with Dave Edwardson — Loüm (Eroding Winds)
7. John Frum — A Stirring in the Noos (Relapse)
6. Tony Allen — The Source (Blue Note)
5. HAIM — Something To Tell You (Polydor)
4. Myrone — Humanity (Self-Released)
3. Oneohtrix Point Never — Good Time… Raw (Bleep)
2. Full of Hell — Trumpeting Ecstasy (Profound Lore)
1. Converge — The Dusk in Us (Epitaph)