The Webernets

Here’s a Fun Game: Plan a “Great” Nu-Metal Show on a Specified Budget

  • Axl Rosenberg

The below game/excuse to procrastinate when you oughta be working has been making the rounds on social media the past few days. I think the idea is fairly self-explanatory, but for the cheap seats: you have a budget ($100 — obviously it would be way more in real life) and a list of bands that cost different amounts to book, and while staying within your budget, you have to put together a show. This is a conflict with which anyone who has ever actually put on a show is certainly familiar. Is it better to have a couple of big bands and no little ones? A whole lotta little ones and no big ones? Something in-between? Is it better to have lots of bands, period, or since ultimately the headliner is the draw, does it really matter who else is on the bill?


From a business perspective, if we were doing this in real life, I’d tell you this: your headliner is the draw. You might think that having seven $10-$20 bands is better than having one $50 band, but you’d be wrong. The headliner gets people in the door; everyone else is just icing on the cake. So, purely in terms of making your money back (or, Satan willing, even turning a profit!), your best bet would be to book any two of the $50 bands. Actually, since Limp Bizkit’s guarantee hasn’t been higher than Disturbed’s since about 2003, you could probably get one $50 band that isn’t Limp Bizkit, Disturbed, and a $10 opener and do pretty well.

From a fantasy “just put on a great show and don’t worry about the money” perspective… well, this is a completely different animal, isn’t it?

Let’s begin by listing the available bands that are actually good:

  • System of a Down
  • Slipknot
  • Deftones
  • Sevendust
  • Crazy Town

Three of these bands are in the $50 category, while the other two are $30 a pop. So you’re left in a somewhat strange position where you can either book any two bands and possibly not use your entire budget, or you can use up the remainder of your budget booking some smaller bands that are painless at best (Spineshank, Nonpoint) and terrible at worst (every other band).

Personally, I haven’t seen System of a Down live in almost twelve years, so I would definitely book them. As for the second band, I’d be satisfied with any of the above nominees… but the clear first preference is, of course, the most important metal band of the 1990s — Crazy Town. In fact, there’s a strong chance Crazy Town would blow SOAD off the stage. I mean, System are good, but the dudes in Crazy Town are inarguably geniuses working at a truly singular level. So they’re a no-brainer.

Who would you choose for your shitty nu-metal show? Share your dream line-up in the comments section below! First person to choose Godsmack is banned for life.

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