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King 405: King 810 Is Just Two Dudes Now

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King 810’s guitarist, Andrew Beal, and drummer, whose name I don’t know because we never had to report on him being arrested and I don’t care enough to look it up [His name is Andrew Workman, you lazy dick. -Vince], have both apparently quit the band, leaving the nu-thugcore band with just frontman David Gunn and the bassist dude who got arrested with David Gunn that one time [Eugene Gill. Seriously. Shape up. -Vince]. The PRP now reports that Gunn made the following moronic comments in response in the departure of the guys who left, presumably in barely-audible whispers that gradually rise into angry talking (massiv [sic] around all of this:

“Were not sorry anyones gone. No one is missed. The fat has been trimmed, were coming back stronger than ever, without weakness.”

Which is actually not true. The band does have a weakness — they don’t have a guitarist or a drummer. They’re addressing this issue with some combination of off-stage musicians and backing tracks:

“…We keep the guitarist behind the stage. Were a bit of an industrial band who uses alot of programming and sampling. If you’re disappointed I think its because you have the wrong preconceived assumptions.”

Gunn continued:

“…We will probably have touring members in the future to fill the spots for the live show for sure. The past few times we couldn’t lock one in in time. BUT To be honest it isn’t black and white like you’ve illustrated. Firstly when we go into the studio we wanna make the best song we can. To be honest we have sounds, instruments, noises that aren’t even playable by people live so you automatically sacrifice that stuff to leaving it out or having a live programmer which we use.”

To be fair to Gunn, it’s not as though King 810 were ever known for their musicianship. People like them because they like that a metal band finally bit off Public Enemy and hired a bunch of dudes to stand on stage as “bodyguards,” or because they’ve never heard music before, or because they’re the product of cousins breeding. Plus, no show will ever be cancelled because the cops booked the backing track.

Gunn concluded by discussing the band’s next album:

“Working on it these past few months and will keep working on it this month and next. The 3rd LP is beyond both of those two combined.”

I find this bit especially confusing. Why won’t the band work on it in September? Is their social calendar just mega-packed, or…?

ANYWAY, the now-duo have cancelled an upcoming tour with Cane Hill and The Last Ten Seconds of Life, presumably because they couldn’t get their backing tracks in order in time. Bummer.

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