Enlarge Gene Simmons will now have more time to be a total douche.

Kiss Announce Farewell Tour

  • Axl Rosenberg

Kiss are the latest aging metal band to announce that they’ll play one final tour before throwing in the towel.

The band made the announcement last night after performing “Detroit Rock City” on America’s Got Talent.

Says a statement from the band:

“All that we have built and all that we have conquered over the past four decades could never have happened without the millions of people worldwide who’ve filled clubs, arenas and stadiums over those years. This will be the ultimate celebration for those who’ve seen us and a last chance for those who haven’t. Kiss Army, we’re saying goodbye on our final tour with our biggest show yet and we’ll go out the same way we came in… Unapologetic and Unstoppable.”

Much like Ozzy, this isn’t the first time Kiss have claimed to be retiring — their last farewell tour took place in 2000. And that tour featured all four members of Kiss’ original line-up, as opposed to this tour, which will feature abusive chauvinist asswipe Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, and two guys dressed up to look like Ace Frehley and Peter Criss. I’m sure people will attend in droves anyway.

I hope they have a nice time. I last saw the band in 2003 — Criss was still in the line-up, Frehley wasn’t — and save for the usual pyrotechnics and other theatrics, the show was lame as fuck. It’s hard to believe fifteen years will have remedied the situation.

Dates haven’t been announced yet, but we’ll let you know when they are. Maybe. If we’re in a good mood.

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