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10 Heavy Metal Covers of Christmas Songs We’d Actually Like to Hear

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It’s only mid-November, and today alone, we’ve already heard three metal Christmas songs: August Burns Red’s take on Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas,” Dee Snider and Lzzy Hale’s version of Celine Dion’s “The Magic of Christmas Day” (which Snider actually wrote!), and Poppy’s “I Won’t Be Home for Christmas.” And that’s to say nothing of the Metallica/Mariah Carey holiday mash-up that was released on November 2.

Point being, we’re gonna hear a lot more of this type of stuff in the coming days and weeks. So we thought we’d proffer some suggestions as to Christmas songs we’d actually like to hear recorded in the style of particular metal bands. After all, as Jews who have never celebrated Christmas, who could possibly be better qualified for such a task?

Obituary, “Jingle Bell Rot”

Because Santa Claus is the role Corpsegrinder was born to play.

Slayer, “Slay Ride”

Yes of course we know Slayer broke up, but we’re pretty sure Tom Araya would be into recording this song and that Kerry King would be into getting paid.

Black Sabbath, “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!”

Because Black Sabbath did, like, ALL the cocaine. Get it?

AC/DC, “Do You Hear What I Hear?”

It’s okay to make this joke because Brian Johnson recovered. We think.

Dethklok, “O Little Town of Dethlehem”

We know there’s already a metal band called Dethlehem. But we think it would be funnier to hear Dethklok offer their take on “O Little Town of Bethlehem.” In fact, we’re kinda bummed this somehow didn’t find its way into the Metalocalypse season three episode “Dethmas.”

Abbath, “Rudolph the Corpse-Painted Reindeer”

This just seems like a no-brainer, right?

Brujeria, “Feliz Navidad”

¡La canción navideña en español más famosa de todos los tiempos merece la banda de metal en español más famosa de todos los tiempos!

Lacuna Coil, “Baby It’s Cold Outside”

There’s nothing especially funny about this idea. But the song is a duet between a man and a woman and Lacuna Coil have a dude singer and a lady singer, soooo

Wintersun, “Wintersun Wonderland”

If the band hits the studio now, they can probably have this ready to be a bonus track on Time II.

Literally Any Black Metal Band, “Black Christmas”

How is this not a thing already?

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