Enlarge Tucker Carlson by Gage Skidmore, Kid Rock by Ronald Woan, via Flickr.

Tucker Carlson Will Send a Documentary Crew Along With Kid Rock on Tour


In the past year, clown-shoes rap-rocker Kid Rock has really gone above and beyond broadcasting how down he is with the modern conservative movement. From pretending to be an old man while threatening to bail on his fans, to getting super offended over the response to the song he wrote about how liberals get offended, Kid Rock has decided to make 2022 the year of the Facebook dad who can’t get laid. So it was only a matter of time before he drew the attention of the kind of dudes who spout conservative talking points without actually believing in them, Fox News host Tucker Carlson, who’s apparently going to send a camera crew out with Kid Rock on his upcoming tour.

As reported by Consequence of Sound, Carlson took a moment the other night to laud Kid Rock as a free thinker who the media vilifies for shooting straight shit, perfectly encapsulating that conservative mixture of impotent anger and victimization complex.

“One thing you never see in the entertainment business is anyone thinking for themself — they’re all clustered together in a terrified little herd,” said Carlson on his tacky-ass show, video of which can be watched on Facebook. “So when one of them stands alone, we applaud.”

(Just going to take a moment to note that speaking to a pre-indoctrinated audience like the Fox News crowd isn’t standing along. It’s actually the opposite — it’s the equivalent of talking shit on someone in a room full of your friends, because you won’t get challenged. Anyway.)

“And that’s why multi-platinum artist Kid Rock and all-around good guy is our focus tonight,” continued Carlson, later saying, “So that man has agreed to let our documentary producers track him, embed with him on his next tour for ‘Tucker Carlson Originals.’”

Carlson then displays a photo of Kid Rock on the cover of Rolling Stone next to a headline about news seasons of The Real World, showing just how relevant and up-to-date both Tucker and Kid Rock are.

So there you have it — if you want to hear one anus shart about a different anus with a lot of rhinestones stuck on it, keep your eyes peeled on Fox News in the near future. Otherwise, here’s some Napalm Death:

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