Connoisseur’s Top 12 Top Ten Lists They Came Up With While Stoned as F***


The beauty of 4/20 is also the holiday’s curse, in a way. On the one hand, everyone’s down with weed on this day; on the other, suddenly everyone’s acting like they know weed. But if any band has captured the true essence of being a pothead in these trying times, it might be Connoisseur, the Oaksterdam stonerviolence outfit who pack gnarly grindcore with as many stoner foibles and as much desperate weed-need as humanly possible. The band’s latest is a split with beer-metallers Trappist, titled Cross Faded, with Connoisseur representing the sticker side of the hops.

We asked Connoisseur to help us celebrate 4/20 by coming up with a list of some kind that we could run. Sky’s the limit. The band had a blast coming up with list ideas, so much so that they decided that to try and pick one would be sacrilege. Instead, what we have is a list of lists created by high people, which is actually a perfect celebration of 4/20, when you think about it.

Here are the 12 best Top 10 lists that Connoisseur could’ve written, but didn’t feel like it. Happy 4/20.

1. Top 10 Tacos From La San Marquenna, The Best Taco Truck In Oakland (at Webster and Grand)

2. Top 10 Times Our Vocalist Carlos Ghosted Us In Our Group Text When We Needed Him For Something Important

3. Top 10 Times Carlos Fell Asleep While Driving Back From A Gig Because He Got Way Too High And Now We Might All Pay For It With Our Lives

4. Top Ten Times Our Van Broke Down While On Tour, Especially That Time We Broke Down In The Rain While We All Had Food Poisoning And Then Had To Get On Stage And Try To Be Funny, That Sucked

5. Top Ten Times Our Drummer Told Us “I Fucking Hate You Guys” Just Because We’re Super Hilarious And Good Looking And He’s A Hater, Let’s Fight, Cris

6. Top Ten Times I’ve Told Cris “I’m Sorry, Let’s Never Fight Again, I Love You Breh” After Threatening Him In A Top Ten List Thing, Though I Probably Could Take Him, Fuck You Cris It’s Back On!

7. Top Ten Times Carlos Got Us All High As Hell And Then Tried To Get Everyone To Buy Bitcoin

8. Kunjan’s Top Ten Instagram Posts About Food, Beer, And Amps

9. Top Ten Penis

10. Top Ten Times We Drove Somewhere Far For A Show And Ain’t Anyone Barely Show Up But A Few Heads Come Out With Some Killer Weed And We All Had A Good Time Anyway Cuz Laughing And Smoking With Your Friends Is The Point Of It All Anyway

11. Top Ten Times I Wish We Had Knives

12. Top Ten Times I’ve Impressed My Bandmates With My Superior Intellect And Rugged Good Looks, With My Clever Wit, And My Ability To Stay Humble. Oh, And Also My Ninja Cat-Like Abilities And My Impressive Physical Stamina.  

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