FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN AN AWESOME GOD FORBID EARTHSBLOOD PRIZE PACKAGE!
Thursday, February 5th, 2009 at 5:46pm by Vince Neilstein
Congrats to groverXIII, the winner of last week’s funny photo caption contest. Grover will receive a CD copy of the Underworld Soundtrack and an Underworld poster for coming up with the following caption to the photo at the right:
The Drunken Knights of Lord Heineken celebrate another successful day of rape and pillaging.
Not that funny, we know, but we weren’t given a whole lot to work with. This week we hope you all can do better, ’cause we’ve got a recockulous God Forbid prize package to give away! ONE grand prize winner will receive an autographed copy of the band’s genre-pushing new album Earthsblood, an Earthsblood t-shirt, a poster, and a Beneath The Scars of Glory and Progression DVD. TEN runners-up will also be chosen to receive a signed copy of Earthsblood. With 11 total prizes, your odds of winning something are pretty good… so get crackin’! You know the deal. Photo below. A bit more abstract than our usual fair, so make ‘em good.
What the scientists saw when they put Zakk Wylde’s hair under a microscope
slipknot probably wont like their new masks.
Mushroomhead isn’t the only edible band on the Cleveland industrial metal scene…introducing The Scallion Battalion
The many moods of Cattle Decapitation fans.
the newest members of the veggie tales .
Unfortunately, Slipknot’s new stage image won’t please too many.
David Draiman’s backstage warm-up crowd with authentic facial expressions.
When presented with a different, more metaphorical art direction for the cover of their new album, the members of Slipknot replied, “Fuck it, we’ll just stand in a field wearing our masks.”
The Cannibal Corpse shallot…scientific name Allium ascalonicumblood
Corey Taylor’s mask, now available at Hannaford’s!
The Metalsucks gang really are a bunch of vegetables …
M. Shallot Crahan and Jim Rutabaga debut their new masks on Rachel Ray’s show. Coriander Taylor accidentally spills some his Christ-complex in her tuna noodle casserole.
The after effects of slipknot purchasing a hybrid-tour-Prius and literally jumping on the “go green” bandwagon.
To the dismay of maggots everywhere, GreenUnyawn has formed the most formidable SlipKnot pardoy band yet.Their first track, Pulse of the Shallots hits radio later this week.
The pioneering band for the Veg-metal front, Opium Gravy Lens, during the filming of their upcoming video for the Metallica cover “Master of Carrots”.
Presenting the varied expressions of Lamb Of God’s core audience when faced with yet another round of internet album ‘leeks’.
after hearing of the success of Korn, the nu metal group Selery is sure that they will be a hit
Tyler… you need to work on your vegetable recognition.
Keith Richards has done so much fucking drugs that, at this point, this is what the rest of the band sends backstage for him to fuck. Scoring all the actual women for themselves. Richards can often be heard in his dressing room inquiring, “Did you have onions for lunch baby?”
Not an actual entry…just reminded me of this…
Toki Wartooth: [gasps] What’s this place called?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: This is, I believes called, Food Libraries. Food Libraries.
Toki Wartooth: Food Library
Metalheads around the country type their fingers bloody over the new scene in metal, Vegecore.
REM approve.
The members of Slipknot revealed their new mask ideas, but to Corey’s horror, his idea of having each member create his mask independently resulted in identical masks!
In a hidden, dark and grim laboratory, Dr. James Maynard Keenan couldn’t help but smile when he was finally able to clone himself not only one, but many times in the innocent left-overs from the day before.
Runner up for Korns’ Issues cover art competition.
In an attempt to make a br00tal diet, Sarah McPiggyfatass can still feel like she is eating something with a face.
…The food could also double as a mastabatory toy
-Competing with fellow cello metalists, Apocalyptica, the seemingly Korn (corn) name-inspired band, “Cellory” poses for their first photoshoot in a horrid pun that will shoot them to stardom.-
Slipknot unmasked.
After seeing the looks on Manowar’s faces, the doomed roadie realized that they had asked him for “noble stallions,” not “noble scallions.”
See the kind of shitty album artwork you get when you don’t put down the cash for Paul Romano or John Baizley? What are you, an asshole? You fucked up this time.
And so it was that vegetable Happy Days was cancelled after only one show, making the cast members have mixed reactions.
Unfortunately for Nergal, the only thing he was capable of summoning from hell were the demons of his past diet attempts.
Slipknot’s pandering attempt to “go Green” with eco-conscious masks was obviously poorly advised…
the audience responding to mastodons new song whose lyrics inclyde the phrase
‘metalsucks is run by cunts’
Slipknot is finally punished for imitating Fear Factory one too many times by Satan, and picked up by Disney.
Finally: Slipknot unmasked!
“Well, guys, our new album is an unholy, Satanic, Christ-fucking masterpiece, but before we tour, we really need to work on our corpsepaint skills….”
@ lern2swim
I really could care less what the hell it is. It’s just rabbit food. hahaa
Celery 1: Look, we’re human now. If you eat us, then you’re a cannibal.
Celery 2: Pst. Dude, I don’t think he cares.
With album sales dropping, the members of Korn decided to reinvent themselves as CeleRy- the Nu mtetal vegtable
The inspiration behind wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man, the greatest invention known to mankind.
“NO!!! I want the hippy rom Gojira to eat me… ME… Damnit!!!
The cover of Mudvayne’s nu album…
After a studio session with Metallica, renouned vegan, Rick Rubin opened his fridge to this site, and went back to producing real metal…
The nine faces of Terry Schiavo.
Due to the changing market and inevitable loss of revenue due to poor album sales, bands are no longer able to go out on tour. Now, instead of going to see a live music group perform, concert-goers are treated to vegetable puppets lip-synching renditions of their favorite bands’ songs.
Onion guy in the upper right: …and this is how you perform a reacharound.
Onion dude to his lower left: [Face says it all]
I think there’s something wrong with me.
An unwitting tribute to Mudvayne. . .
encapsulating all the intelligence of its fans.
What Wayne Static wishes he could be.
Celery Longhairs Unite!
Finally, the fans suspected they were getting something different with the new episode of Dragonball Z.
Metallica misunderstood when the fans said that they wanted “Orion” to be included in the band’s setlist.
Rev. Maynard says, “Behold, THESE ARE THE CRIES OF THE CELERY”
PeTA lost the battle to change the name of fish to “sea kittens” but won the war on eliminating the term “sausage fest”.
Veggie Tales: A Headbanger’s Story
Spending hours a day on a tour bus can get pretty boring at times, but the members of The Dillinger Escape Plan pass the time playing with their “PETA Approved” action figures
honestly tho, I love DEP and i think its pretty cool that they’re supporters of a cause like that.
“MTVGrocery has just approved their new line of 90’s themed vegetables, starting with Crazytown Celery. While Korn Corn is rumored to be out in March.”
I’ve heard of Children of the Corn, but this is just rediculous.
I wonder if these guys toured with Oatwhore.
Lars just can’t catch a break. After the whole St. Anger drum debacle, his new custom made drumsticks finally arrived minutes before recording was due to start on Death Magnetic.
Hollywood Undead: A rap-metal tale from under the mask.
I can’t believe how many people think that’s celery…
Man, took too many acid !!!
Introducing the new lineup of Veggietales: METAL Edition
Leaked cover art for Slipknot’s fifth studio album, “Peanut Butter”.
Disregard above post, this is my entry:
Leaked cover art for Slipknot’s fifth studio album, “Peanut Butter: The Salmonella Verses”.
The brand new Mushroomhead costumes!
Blink Vegan82
This is both Peta’s most beautiful dream (plants with brains and faces), and Ted Nugent’s worst nightmare (said plants planting their veggie seed in his cornhole).
Cattle Decapitation makes sure its groupies wear animal friendly makeup and low-wattage lightbulbs…
Punk is not dead.
Recent interview on Sean aka “Clown” Crahan (top right) stated that,”I am a unique individual, I don’t play by the rules, and I am a completely original, artistic human being.”
the celery sticks were dismayed with one another when they all made the same attempt to stand out.
trent reznor tries out a new name
On-ion-ees! (You will be!)
On-ion-ees (’cause I want you!)
(W.A.S.P) – We Are Savoury Produce
Mushroomhead went a bit far this time trying to outmask their rivals slipknot.
Slipknot Go Vegan: Shallotknot
hi, im lawrence. i would like to join the funny photo contest.How can i join?
Green Jelly had to change its name…again. This time, nothing will stand in the way of Green Onions!
“Cause high noon, your stew
Comin for you were the Shallots from hell”
the illigitimate children of michael jackson were spotted crashing the latest jackson family reunion.
What a Between the Buried and Me listening party looks like.
Gathering of the Juggalos.
Hey guys, did anybody watch the Falcon Crest marathon last night…wait…one of you motherfuckers has apple breath.
Mrs Shrek’s Tampons
“the long lost group photo from the hed pe, taproot, crazytown “fuk da wurld yo” tour in ‘96″
And who could forget the smash hit , “This Veggie Tray is Unacceptable,” from the 3 time Platinum album, “Ohio (We’re Better Than Iowa)” by the legendary techno-folk-experimental-metal band… The Artists Formerly Known as Nine Masked Shallots of Doom!!!
The Vegans of Death metal pose for their debut album. It hits supermarket shelves this harvest season.
Slipknot Chia Pet! It’s the pottery that grows. Available at all Iowa Wal-Mart locations while supplies last. Makes a great gift!
It’s a fucking vegetable, the only thing less brutal then that is the sex I give my very unsatisfied girlfriend three nights a week
Stuck Mojos fan base has fallen so low they have resorted to making their own fans.
This is what Buckethead’s fingers look like up close.
Here’s my caption:
Children of the Spring Onion.
Here’s a message for those who think that’s celery:
Those are spring onions -ignorant bunch of fuck-asses.
We are the Metal Hair Bulbs, you will bow down to us! For your servitude we will repay in uber krieg headbanging hair!
The new Slipknot costumes look set to be popular with fans of Vegetarian Progrsssive Grindcore.
Decapitate THIS!
Poison Arrow Frogs use bright colors to warn predators of their toxicity; the buckwheat hair on these onions warns vegetarians that they will stop being funny and will develop an alarming predilection for transvestites
This is gonna be the stinkiest orgy ever!
Seriously guys? Seriously? This is not metal… maybe if they were seared in a pan with their faces melting into a goo of burning veggie flesh. Now that’s somethin to work with.
WYLD SCALLIONS!!!!
Slipknot Toxic Waste = The worst bunch of superheroes i have ever seen in my life
Mommy, I thought this was the Veggie Tales Live On Ice. Who’s God Forbid? I’m scared!!!
God Forbids you to eat us!!!
Look it’s a rip off of the band slipknot it’s scallionknot
slipknot turned veggie =]
The greencore band Scallion as shown above, will be playing side stage on the upcoming tour “A Full Plate” alongside the bands Korn, and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Headlining the tour will be the American classic Meatloaf. Guaranteed to be a healthy experience!
MEEP MEEP MEEP, MEEP MEEP MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEEP, MEEEEEPPP!!!!!
So that’s what Slipknot looks like unmasked
The typr of music you can eat
Marty Friedman’s cruel package to Jason Becker.
Joe Duplantier, on preparing the noontime snacks for the class on his first day of teaching kindergarten, realizes that his mind has snapped: The onions have sprouted faces and are encouraging him to feed the children to them as a sacrifice for man’s disgraceful treatment of planet Earth. “As they have harvested ours, so shall we harvest theirs.”
Some of Metallica’s deceived fans after they said, they were going “back to their roots”.
Angela Gossow sex toy line was met with poor sales.
Joey Jordison’s studio mascots, the Scalli-knots.
A picture of one of the items on the rider for polish death rockers Behemoth, apparently they like to pretend to “eat the local villagers” before each show.
Slipknot Korn Slipknot Slipknot Korn Korn Slipknot Korn Slipknot Slipknot Korn Korn Slipknot Slipknot Slipknot Korn Slipknot Korn.
Because the main ingredient in comedy is beating a dead horse to death
Tired of lackluster sales, the creators of Veggie Tales were forced to explore new horizons.
This is a scene from the new “Orgy Tales: Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry’s Big River Gangbang”
From his most recent stint in rehab, Axl Rose has once again replaced the members of Guns N Roses with the “friends” he made during Arts and Crafts time. In related news Mr. Rose stated “Japanese Celery is coming along great and everyone should expect the album to drop sometime in Spring 2018.”
Slipknot’s country album and masks failed miserably!
In an attempt to appeal to a wider audience, Cannibal Corpse have changed the cover of their next album from nine mutilated skeletons to nine mutilated scallions.
It’s the only way to make the Viking Lords eat their vegetables : paint the vegetables with the faces of the villagers they have raped a pillaged and home they have a flashback.
after not being taken serious for being a vegetarian goregrind band cattle decapitation got some new cloths.
clothes my bad
proof that MS crew and friends really are prepared to do anything, by any means, to get inside Joe Duplantier
Axl Rose’s Entourage
“Here’s the story of a lovely… lady (???)
Who was bring up three very lovely… girls…
All of them had hair of gold, like their mothers,
The youngest one in curls”
Congress continued to debate President Obama’s new bailout package long into the night…
The recently leaked cover art for KoRn’s ‘new’ CD: “Issues: ReDoNe and ReVaMped”
From Ladle of Filth’s newest album Lovecraft and Artichoke Hearts, the single, From the Garden to Enslave.
Here we see a fantastic re-enactment of fans’ expressions after Lamb of God’s latest album Wrath was ‘leek’-ed.
Ba-dun-tsch!
a rare candid shot of wayne static and his family
Another Uncovered Slipknot concept.
“limp celery are gonna burn you muppets”
The new ECW roster
“In todays news, the Metal band slipknot ran out of ideas for thier masks and is now going green”
Nice one, Molti. Too bad I posted the exact same comment two days ago. A little late to the supper table on that one, buddy.
The vegetable PMRC after seeing PETA’s banned superbowl commercial
Ryan wins it with Wyld Scallions! San Demas High School Football Rules!
The cast for the interpretive dance recital to Booker T and the MG’s “Green Onions”
Lame
The weekly meeting of friends, this week they talk about their bad hair days. An excerpt:
“I DID NOT LOOK LIKE CARROT TOP!”
I’m not even gonna give it a shot. My nu metal dis idea was already used 10 million times, ahahaha.
The two people who made Green Jellÿ and Bill and Ted references should win!
Dude, I told you we shouldn’t have smoked that shit!
Fuck Rook, I didn’t see yours. Now I feel lame.
But you can’t expect me to submit something original when I was as drunk as I was when I wrote that, man. Sorry.
Pirate-Fest ‘09 features—along with Alestorm—the debut of RapScallion.
It all started with brown M and M’s, Now this? Van Halen’s new unusual catering request certifies that Eddie is still on the bottle.
Keith Richard’s sperm.
The only reason people listen to Limp Bizkit – the Durstian earworms.
Just a few days after the news of the woman who had octuplets, a couple claims to have given birth to nonuplets. This is their proof.
After nine attempts at cloning Gumby, the scientists gave up.
Who knew Slipknot dressed up their penises too?
this isn’t a suggestion, as i’m not very funny, but for all the dumbasses calling them celery: they’re scallions for f**ks sake. retards…what the hell do you guys eat???
I ate these emo kids for breakfast.
Metal as Fuck celery? It must be the vegetarians next plot……..
This is an “AFTER” picture, specifically after God Forbid has performed a THIRD encore live, the entire crowd of GF fanatics is left blown away, their skin color turns pale from whatever pigment it was before, their hair grows out of their heads and turns blonde, their eyes turn black, and their bodies turn to a wilted celery-like mush. They must have played their ultrasupermegahit The End of the World.
After ICP turned down the request for the rights to a “Juggalo” toy line, Music Toys Inc. decided to come out with the “Chug a load” series of toys. The two unfortunate looking toys in the top left corner are named “Faggy 2 Stroke” and “Violate Jay”
Slipknot when Stoned or Drunk
Scallion, Zombies come to feast on the flesh of the doomed wiedlers of the salad spinner. A lowly salad topping they will be no more.
yeah, i usually get pissed when ppl fuck up and get vegetables confused too. dammit why dont you people spend some time on a farm? oh, thats right, maybe its cuz no one gives a damn about what kind of vegetable it is
One day slipknot will realize no matter how many times they change their look…… they will always fucking suck.
First there was Korn and now theres Veggi-Metal
When do they pick the winners for this?
Thought this only lasted a week? When are the winners picked?