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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A PACKAGE OF CDs FROM EARACHE RECORDS

 Thursday, August 6th, 2009 at 4:30pm by

fag1Funny Photo Caption Contest is back; sorry for the delay, peeps. Last time we offered up a sweet limited edition Wino vinyl, and the lucky winner is longtime MS reader groverXIII, who came up with the following caption to the photo at right:

A young member of the Air Force shows blatant disregard for the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.

This week we’re giving away a special package of CDs courtesy of Earache Records: The Haunted’s Warning Shots, Insect Warfare’s World Extermination, Oceano’s Depths, the Heavy Metal Killers compilation, Ignominious Incarceration’s Of Winter Born, Godflesh’s Songs of Love and Hate 2xCD + DVD, and Cauldron’s Chained to the Nite. Holy shit that’s a lot of awesome music. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, which came to us via avid MS Maniac Mark Moritz-Rabson, and they shall all be yours.

metalbaseball_funny

  • http://www.prophetsofdoom.wordpress.com Prophet

    Sharon Osbourne hosts the new reality series “PLAY BALL, PLAY FOR OZZY”…zakk is nowhere to be seen.

    • As_Above_So_Below

      STOP – HAMMERTIME

    • Dodgy

      He tried and he tried, but he couldn’t convince the other two that he was a pitcher, rather than a catcher.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Cup check

  • elderly thrasher

    hmmm… i always figured a guy in a Dying Fetus shirt to be a catcher…..

    • Biff Tannen

      aaaahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahaha !!!!!

      Am I the only one that got that, or do people actually like dying fetus?

      • ‘lil Billy

        Yes, people do actually like Dying Fetus.

        • MetalRod

          I don’t.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Who’s on first? Dino’s on first

    • j-rock

      Awesome, you win

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-J-Harrison/1095943638 David J Harrison

      FTW!! ha ha ha. No one will get it though.

  • GHOULS! ATTACK THE CHURCH!

    The Mets, with their depleted minor league system, were forced to go to the metal scene to look for a replacement for Jon Niese. At least he seems to be better than Aaron Heilman. Still, Dino Cazares in the background doesn’t look like he’ll be their next pinch runner.

    • GHOULS! ATTACK THE CHURCH!

      XD, I read Ryan’s comment below. I skimmed over the prizes and didn’t realize that one of them was a shitty Oceano CD. Count me out of this contest, I do NOT want that.

  • EBennett

    Metal Baseball: The largest group of people picked last in high school gym class you will ever find.

  • bearbomb

    The Washington Nationals’ farm system prepares it’s starting pitcher and first baseman for next season.

  • groverXIII

    FUCK YES I WON…

    Oh, right… a caption for this one…

    “Taking a page from soccer’s playbook and utilizing corporate sponsorship, the Tallahassee Dying Fetuses unfortunately didn’t get quite the results they were looking for.”

    • Biff Tannen

      yeah, but you didn’t win anything good.

      • groverXIII

        I disagree… Wino fucking rocks.

  • Ryan

    I don’t want to enter this one, just because I really don’t want Oceano’s Depths.

    • Ziltoid

      XD, this one should win. Oceano (or as I call them, “Blackchapel”) is a fucking disgrace to all that is music.

      • http://zunetracks.net loganarchy

        If you win you can sell it on Ebay.

        • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

          Yeah there’s a hot item

          • Shep

            You also get an insect warfare cd and I’m sure you can find some entertaining uses for the oceano one (Hint: none of them involve listening to it).

          • Ziltoid

            Normally, I enjoy flicking Iced Earth CDs at posers, but flicking an Oceano CD would make it a whole new level of fun! Instead of wasting copies of stupid Schaffer re-hash riffs, I could flick stupid generic breakdowns!

          • lolwut

            really ziltoid >.> had to bring up iced earth >.> of all the bands you hate u picked iced earth >.>

          • Ziltoid

            Yep, had to pick on Iced Earth. I love this mockery/”faux tribute” to them:

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88jlseWPs_o&fmt=18

          • Ryan

            I can’t sell that on ebay, no one wants it, it has been forever relegated to being given away for free at metal websites.

    • groverXIII

      You could always, I don’t know… throw it away… give it to a homeless deaf guy… use it as a coaster!

      • http://www.myspace.com/1033metal Jackson

        if you want some good ideas on how to use a cd find the acacia strains promo video for continent

  • Metal4aHead

    This time it was personal. There would be homicidal retribution.

    • metalguy

      haha. wait didnt anyone get that or do people not like dying fetus

  • http://twitter.com/SchenkelTown Daisy May Tinklepants

    After the water boarding controversy, the department of homeland security has adopted a new interrogation policy, in which suspected terrorists are forced to watch pale, fat metal heads play a complete nine innings of baseball.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t Brutal Jay

    And all the fat guy at first can think is “Please don’t hit it, please don’t hit it…. It’s a looooooooong way to run to second.”

    • Biff Tannen

      ^ this should win ^

      • BlakMetallistKrieg

        This is the first one to make me laugh out loud.

  • Permafrost

    Thankfully, a spry young metalhead found James Hetfield’s testicles and was able to return them back to their rightful owner.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    There are more balls in this picture than the last few weeks’ contests combined

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Kovich/80400829 Kyle Kovich

    Field of Screams: If you burn it they will cum.

    • Seth

      Haha win

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Livingston/25310975 Robert Livingston

    Metalhead Baseball League: The only time the fat kid makes it to first base.

  • Biff Tannen

    Say what you will about the fat kid, but at least he’s not wearing a Dying Fetus shirt.

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      That’s because Dying Fetus shirts don’t come in “globe” size

      • Jamie

        ha! if only replies could win, you would have this one, good sir.

        • http://www.myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

          A reply did win, a few contests ago.

  • http://zunetracks.net loganarchy

    When his unborn son resisted an abortion, a fiery teen decided to take matters in his own hands and fastball that sucker right out of his mother’s stomach.

    • metalguy

      god fucking dammit that was mine exactly. you bet me to it fucker

    • metalguy

      once johns balls popped, he had no idea what to do with them. so he threw them and his oceano CD’s at the nearest bum

      • metalguy

        that was suppossed to be in a seperate box WTF

  • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

    “ALRIGHT, HERE COMES MY MANHOOD!”

    • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

      Promotional photo from “Heavy Metal Little League”.

      • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

        “put me in coach, I’m ready to slay”

  • Kyle

    The team would Stop at Nothing to Destroy the Opposition with Unadulterated Hatred, Killing on Adrenaline and watching the other team be Beaten into Submission!

  • Name Not Applicable

    For the first time in history, a Dying Fetus fans balls drop.

  • metalguy

    2) once johns balls popped, he had no idea what to do with them. so he threw them and his oceano CD’s at the nearest bum

    • metalguy

      fuck me and typos! balls dropped

  • stigmata_97

    I wouldn’t mind playing baseball with that Oceano CD, while listening to The Haunted. :D

  • Jugglemonkey

    ‘….And here we can see the mighty Dino stalking his prey…. note how he approaches his quarry from downwind, thus concealing the scent of stale bread and nappies from the soon to be fingerless metalhead….’

  • Baldish

    Why is there hate for Oceano? Seriously, they’re a good band.

    • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

      moar leik oceanBLOW ahahahahahahah i rule

      • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

        i mean BLOWceano.

        • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

          i mean BLOWceanHO.

          • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

            i am firing zingers on all cylinders.

          • Baldish

            congrats on using the same two words but in different places, I honor with the highest respect now.

          • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

            thanks, baldish. that really means a lot to me.

          • Baldish

            Because you really cared about what someone on the internet thinks about you. Also, my post about me respecting you, that was sarcasm incase you couldn’t grasp that.

  • Sacajawea

    After seeing what Major League Baseball would be like after firing all steroid-using players, they have decided that steroids are now MANDATORY for all players.

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      No wonder the balls look smaller than regulation size…

  • Boneous

    Dino Cazares stares in bewilderment as the vocalist audition begins to go horribly awry…

  • Maverick

    Having only one dropped ball, the poor guy tries to drop the other. Alas, he is unsuccesful

  • Maverick

    While watching the guy throw the ball, he puts the mitt over his groin to hide his massive erection

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      It’s just the pleat

  • http://www.weakmusicforthomas.com BrandonMarvin

    Sandlot 3: The Metal Years

    • Seth

      I was wondering when a sandlot reference would show up.

  • (required)

    As bad as he is at stealing band names, Dino proves to be even worse at stealing second base. This can be at least partially blamed on the distracting reminder of his favorite meal, strategically placed on the pitcher’s shirt.

    • Ziltoid

      XD

    • jason

      wow.ouch. might have a winner right here.

      • Malacoda

        lolol

  • JoshReid

    “BALLS TO THE WALL!” Oh wait, not every metal song is literal? Oh damn. Someone should have told me that before I ripped those entrails from a virgin’s cunt.

  • Kyle

    In this alternate reality, we see a young chiam witz, ready to make a short meal of the featus loving boy before he steals first base (ironically the only base he’ll ever get to)

  • 10,000 Gays

    Gene Hoglan hated little league

    • SP420

      Got my vote.

  • kyle

    hes throwing away his future… poor ladies

  • chris

    stinging from their rejection by the local crab-core scene, these young metalheads take the lyrics of “One Shot, One Kill” a step too far

  • MackYourFace

    The fat kid isn’t really on first base. He’s just yet another fat, worthless umpire.

  • Sandy Duncan’s Glass Eye

    “That summer I spent at Manowar’s Kings of Metal Overnight Camp was not fun at all. In fact, it downright blew.”

  • Spanky

    Dino watches in amazement as the skillful hardcore dancer “busts phat moves, yo”

  • SolracYatog

    Unbeknownst to the aspiring pokemon trainer, a wild Snorlax looms in the background…

    • Ziltoid

      WIN

    • Nick

      This one should probably win

      • crank

        ahhhhhhahahaha

  • http://www.myspace.com/johnnysrideishere emetal

    Saggyjeans: the Metalheads way of playing Baseball. Plus it helps out your curveball.

  • Dress To Depress

    The boys grumbled that their uniforms were not useful for actually playing baseball at all, but figured that was what they got for having Relapse Records sponsor their team.

  • The Overmatt

    The Death Metal Junior Leagues. What they lack in skill, they make up for in br00tal.

  • Alex…!

    ..and this picture clearly shows former The Human Abstract’s guitar player AJ and Dean (before losing weight), when they were kids, kicking some asses (and this time with no sweep picking)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeff-Bilello/36410152 Jeff Bilello

    members of fear factory before they were signed.

  • bondedbyblood

    Dying Fetus fans love the “pitch” of their vocals, as evidenced by the fat guy in the background, cookie monster vocals are popular as ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Barry-Gilpin/791554842 Barry Gilpin

    Here’s the pitch…..and oh no, he threw a wild pitch and hit a pregnant lady in the stomach. I hope she doesn’t have a Dying Fetus now!

  • Motoghost

    High Hitler!! Strike 3, your going to the incinerator, I mean the dug out.

    • 10,000 Gays

      Its “Heil”

      • crank

        hahaah holy shit HIGH Hitler/?

  • HumanPaste

    “Heads up Vince Neal, you dropped these!”

    Plump Kid: “I’m tellin’ ya dude those were King Diamond’s…”

  • Uglymicrowave

    Kid on 1st: Wish i didn’t eat that bacon, beef and potato burrito before running around guys…

    1st baseman: dude this fatkid smell like taco bell and Bacon…I ain’t tagging him out

    Kid Pitching: Wish i had a dad…

  • Morningrise

    Jerry can’t resist busting out “the sprinkler” as the PA blasts Homicidal Retribution

    • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

      if this was america’s funniest home videos and i was bob saget, i would give you 10,000 dollars right now.

  • http://www.myspace.com/murderousperfection bloodjunkie

    Trevor Strnad, much like many metal heads as youth, resented sports

  • Leprosy

    When mark found out he knocked up his hispanic girlfriend he cut out his ballsacks to insure it never happened again.

  • BTBAM

    HOLY SHIT, A TENNIS COURT.

  • Bicro

    Dying Fetus…deconstructing various American pastimes 1 conceited fan at a time.

  • HAN-JO

    I’m in this fucking picture, so you fuckers better leave a god damn good caption for it.

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      Drop the Cheetos tubby

  • klitz

    Tennisball-core, you’re doing it wrong.

  • systemsdown

    Mike couldn’t control his rage after his pre-pubescent streak was dashed away marked by his testicles final descent.

  • sardaukar22

    This is the closest Jorge would ever get to second base.

  • Symbolic

    A Dying Fetus fan throws his testicles at mainstream

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    One ball, one pitch away from the game

  • Charger74

    Dino tries to steal second at the court ordered FF vs FF baseball game. Winner gets the name, loser get Priske

  • MetalRod

    fetch Dino! good boy… suck the corporate monkey tit…

  • TWOAF

    “Hey, Dino! You’re up dude.”

  • RobotScythe

    The company picnic at the MS Mansion.

  • BurntToast

    Go away Dino, the real men are playing baseball.

  • jason

    Wigger Slam Farm League?

  • Maxx D

    Johnny wanted to make sure the fetus was definately dead, but possibly wasn’t going the right way about it.

  • Sean Pulatie

    This year’s Hot Topic Baseball League. All that’s required before entry is a black T-shirt of a band you know nothing about, but love anyway.

  • soup

    have you seen my baseball?

    • prives

      Hahahahaha Yes! If only there was a way you could type it that would help people hear the voice…

  • skinnyeddy

    The brokenCYDE stoning competition took a turn for worse (for us) when they ran out of rocks to throw.

  • SourDeez

    Wolfgang Van Halen finally makes it to first base.

  • Leo

    Scooter throws the first pitch at the 5th annual looser fest

  • Colin

    Playing sports in jeans = Metal As Fuck!

  • http://www.HelpAlongYourWay.com neuresthania

    in order to be metal, you have to play hard ball!

  • WowWee!

    My balls just dropped I can’t give you both but I will throw you one

  • Produced by Jacob Bannon

    What would have happened to Roger Clemens, if he never took steroids (note the lack of horns).

  • Froogle

    HOW DARE YOU CALL THIS SPORT UN-METAL?! THIS BALL IS MADE FROM THE SKULLS OF A THOUSAND MURMAIDS AND THE BAT FROM THE LEG OF A DRAGON!

  • lamb of god forbid

    Metal Baseball: why else did you think Slipknot has nine members?

    • Jonathan

      That’s actually some pretty funny shit right there that isn’t a huge insult for once.

    • Ziltoid

      As much as I hate Slipknot, that was clever to say the least. Still, they’re not even metal. But it was clever…

      • lamb of god forbid

        they are what they are…wrote the first thing that came to mind. won’t win anyway cuz i used a band name. hope i don’t, anyway…don’t really want the prize, but i had to add my two cents

  • stigmata_97

    The pitcher was on a “One Ball, One Kill” mission to get the guy who gave this to Metalsucks and compromised their new plays.

  • nolavann

    If that fucking Dino Cezares steps off first base one more Goddamn time, I’m just gonna throw this ball right in his groin fat!!

  • Chauck

    A teenage Dino takes a nice lead off first as he begins his pursuit of Rickey Henderson’s all time stolen base record

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Joseph-Bailey/656942432 Adam Joseph Bailey

    A baseball field is the perfect place to practice your hardcore moves so as not to make a fool of yourself at the upcoming show.

  • Jonathan

    “When his balls finally dropped, he realized crabcore was for pussies. He then threw his balls at his former best-crab-friend. Next one is headed at Dino.”

  • Rodney

    “I call this one my Flying Fetus!”

  • Flying Dad Bomb

    Buddy Holly throws a warm-up pitch for the Mets while Livan Hernandez looks on from first base.

  • Disharmony

    When his mother started listening to his favourite band, the young metal fan promised to take up more wholesome activites, rather than sitting in his room on his computer, on the condition that she stops…

  • bearwizard

    SLAMBALL

  • bearwizard

    i hope im not too late

  • Nick

    A pic from the first annual Fear Factory VS Weezer baseball game. Dino thought about stealing 2nd base but a few feet was all he could manage before needing some rest.

  • Nick

    I didn’t realize how many people also thought that dude looked like Dino till after i went back up and read some. My bad.