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A NON-METAL FAN LISTENS TO IMPENDING DOOM’S “THERE WILL BE VIOLENCE”

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Hi, everybody! I’m Aimee. I was hanging out with my friend Axl the other night when he said “You know what would be funny? If you reviewed metal [expletive] for MS.” And then he laughed for twenty straight minutes. (I think he was stoned. I’ve told him he smokes too much, but he won’t listen to me.) I reminded him that I know nothing about metal, and that my idea of heavy is the last Michael Bublé album. Still, he insisted it would be hilarious, and he is my friend, so I’m going to give this a shot.

Impending Doom. “There Will Be Violence.” Yeah, that sounds like my cup of tea!

Wow. Axl says these guys are Christians. Really? They sure are angry for Christians! I can’t really understand anything that the singer (Is it still called a “singer” in metal even if he does no singing???) is saying (shouting), but I’d hope this is an anti-violence song, and not a call to re-start the Crusades or the Inquisition or anything like that.

But it’s impressive that the singer can scream for that long without getting a sore throat. And the drummer can play very fast! I bet he practices a lot. In fact, all of these guys can play fast. Good for them!

Axl tells me that he doesn’t much care for this band, that it sounds like Skull Killer and Decapitate Babies or whatever all the other stuff he listens to is called. I really can’t tell the difference. Can anyone explain to me why the way this guy screams or plays his instrument really fast is different from the way everyone else screams and plays their instruments really fast?

I need to go put on some Michael Bublé.

-AM

There Will Be Violence is out July 20 on Facedown. Stream the title track here.

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