«
»
Scraping Genius Off The Wheel, The Webernets

WHAT YOUR FAVORITE METAL BAND SAYS ABOUT YOU

 Monday, March 28th, 2011 at 4:30pm by

Those comic geniuses over at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency have done it again with the latest installment of “What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You”. (Part One is here.) In the spirit of plagiarism, I’ve decided to shamelessly co-opt the form to make fun of metal bands.

Mastodon: You’d be surprised how much you’d enjoy the music of the band Yes.

Sunn O))): You own a Philip Glass album but you’ve never listened to it.

Sleep: You’ve dated a girl who owns a dream catcher.

High On Fire: You have strident opinions about Greg Fidelman.

Nickeback: Your air-conditioner repair business is thriving.

Disturbed: Your air-conditioner repair business is failing.

Godsmack: You work for the Disturbed fan’s failing air-conditioner repair business.

Crowbar: You once discovered an unwrapped watermelon-flavored Jolly Rancher in your beard.

Eyehategod: You once discovered an unwrapped watermelon-flavored Jolly Rancher in your beard. And then you ate it.

Buzzoven: You once discovered an unwrapped watermelon-flavored Jolly Rancher in your rectum.

Valient Thorr: YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT?!?!?!?

Down: You only occasionally regret the Confederate Flag tattoo on your left ankle.

Pantera: You only occasionally regret the Confederate Flag tattoo on your chest.

Superjoint Ritual: You only occasionally regret the Confederate Flag tattoo on your forehead.

Damage Plan: You can down an impressive number of Black Tooth Grins.

Hellyeah: You have an actual black tooth grin, due to severe dental neglect.

Weedeater: You’re a lot prouder of your brownies than you ought to be.

Kyuss: Buzzards have circled you on at least one occasion.

Melvins: You have circled Buzzo on at least one occasion.

Madball: You own a fitted baseball cap.

Terror: You own a display case for your fitted baseball cap collection.

Emmure: You’re fifteen.

Suicide Silence: You’re sixteen.

Winds Of Plague: You’re seventeen.

Oceano: You’re me!

-GS

  • Jeff Burtmann

    Linkin Park – You frequent metalsucks

    • legato

      OH OH OH OH OH MY GOD.
      you seer.

      • Betelgeuse

        sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Oceano: You can easily and would ideally be replaced by a taxidermied duck.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gojideon-McAdams/1343010120 Gojideon McAdams

      YES

  • Joe

    Iwrestledabearonce: You frequently have trouble distinguishing the sound of a chainsaw cutting through concrete from Bach.

    • Aether Jake

      1

  • Ben

    Wow, they really exemplified the cliched universe that the MS bloggers seem to think we exist in.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Jacobs/100000030228475 Alexander Jacobs

    Slipknot: NOBODY UNDERSTANDS YOU, MAAAAAAAAAAN

    • Clancy

      Love this.

  • Driven9

    Any Black Metal Band Ever: You have less than 5 friends

    • CrestalMyth

      You’ll be one of us soon enough.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Arriola/100002131340820 Patrick Arriola

      +1 All the way

    • BlackVomit

      What a stupid comment.

      • Trux

        Actually, it is a great one.

      • http://batmessiah.com Batmessiah

        Truth hurts, huh?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Britt-Granitt/582086079 Britt Granitt

      Haha! Tr00th

      • TrucK

        True – I love Emperor and I only have 4 friends! And one/two are conjoined twins…. so maybe I only have 3 friends now?

  • http://www.myspace.com/thestarsthrewdowntheirspears Tim

    The Sun O)))) one was my favorite.

    • sacredchao

      That was a good one. What’s funny is I’m not a Sunn O)))) fan, but I do have a couple Phillip Glass albums.

  • Vakarm

    Lamb of God: you’re a twelve-year-old who thinks he can do a death growl

    • Mooseknuckle

      that is just dumb. You must like black metal.

      • Betelgeuse

        Nah. Lamb of God suck all kinds of dick.

        • Ryan

          they do NOW anyway. first album ruled.

          • !!!

            They are quite uninteresting. Always have been.

          • joe pesci

            it’s funny when a band gets recognized or considered mainstream. all you see is, “lamb of god sucks now. i liked ‘em when they were undergound. first album was the only good one”. gimme a break, pretentious cliche uneducated nonsense. lamb of god’s the shit and they’re big for a reason. they’re good at what they do. pay attention to the music, you’d see each albums been progressively evolved for the better. well, except for the overproduction of “sacrament”. but i’d say they redeemed themselves with “wrath”.

            now if you just don’t like “modern american metal.” then that’s another thing. listen to what you like.

          • Betelgeuse

            Poor Randy. You comb MetalSucks looking for negative comments about your band now? Maybe this kind of behavior is contributing to your band being complete shit? Although you’d have to completely quit in order for the band to REALLY improve. I mean, dude. Those vocals…………….are just weak as fuck.

        • rupert

          lamb of god: knows nothing but rage and the occasional buzz

          • Betelgeuse

            Lamb of God – knows nothing of metal except for what’s found in f.y.e or Wal-Mart.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

            Lamb of God: Find Lamb of God more exciting than Darkthrone and Terrorizer.

  • Mooseknuckle

    Ozzy-Your wife too has you by the ‘ol bean bag.

  • http://www.myspace.com/thestarsthrewdowntheirspears Tim

    The Devil Wears Prada – You spend 30-50 percent of your disposable income at Hot Topic, and the remainder on hair products.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Sterner/1335958279 Andrew Sterner

      Lol’d, not gonna lie.

  • Chainsword

    Lol

  • Bale

    The Sunn 0))) one describes me perfectly

  • MikeForbid

    Motley Crue – You are “that guy” at the bar. Douchy rocker-looking-type with eyeliner and black straightened hair. Maybe a straight brimmed ball cap and skate shoes to modernize your image. You are in a band, yes. But that band is a rock/disco/pop cover band that does gigs at the local bar including such hits as “Play That Funky Music”. People normally try to avoid you, but still talk to you if they’re really drunk because you remember ALL the stories from high school. You hide your low self-esteem just as well as you hide your beer belly in that girdle, and you are proud of all the cool tattoos you got, except the Poison one, which you got covered up. The Crue would NEVER share the stage with those guys. Fake bullshit.

    • aniie

      just.. NO.

    • bob saget

      this is fcking stupid – i feel dumber for having read this

    • Samantha

      1

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Hurley/1289730334 Matt Hurley

      Tldr

  • Machinae Supremacist

    Helloween: You once discovered an unwrapped watermelon-flavored Jolly Rancher, with an expiration date from the late 1980s, in your hair.

    • Pastor of Muppets

      If the Jolly Rancher was unwrapped, how would you know its expiration date?

      • Malacoda

        I’m pretty sure Jolly Ranchers don’t actually expire, so it’s irrelevant.

        • shutup

          YOU;RE SO FUCKING CLEVER. shut up you pedantic fuck

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

            Wow, you were SO ANGRY that you made a semicolon instead of an apostrophe.

          • jeff

            id be mad too if someone told candy doesnt go bad

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

    Mayhem: You don’t have any friends “because society doesn’t understand you” and you’re “too smart to be part of the herd”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Mollica/9373117 David Mollica

    Mares of Thrace – you like being beaten and intimidated by your partner.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Romanow/708036302 Richard Romanow

      1

    • Druidus

      1

  • MikeForbid

    Blind Guardian : You speak fluent elvish, and are so mad Peter Jackson didn’t choose them for the LotR soundtrack.

    • Jaysin

      Best one yet!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathan-Delarosa/569469815 Jonathan Delarosa

    Liturgy – You own a copy of a Chaucer book and haven’t touched it since you brought it home, instead using it for show just to boost your credibility at dinner parties.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elsthon-Giovanni-Gomez/1635222549 Elsthon Giovanni Gomez

      Win.

  • Matthew Grant Anson

    Baroness: You consider yourself an art connoisseur.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathan-Delarosa/569469815 Jonathan Delarosa

      1

    • cougar party

      Haha, that is good….and I love Baroness.

  • metalhead616

    “Mayhem: You don’t have any friends “because society doesn’t understand you” and you’re “too smart to be part of the herd”.”

    this

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Limp Bizkit: You support a bunch of losers such as the New York Mets.

    (Or is that the other way around?)

  • Please Help Me Eat My Own Head

    Jesu- you just don’t understand the pain

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

      Ha.

  • tim

    “Mastodon: You’d be surprised how much you’d enjoy the music of the band Yes.”

    I’m actually fully aware of the fact that Yes is awesome.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Arriola/100002131340820 Patrick Arriola

      It’s funny because I actually read that, and started to seriously consider buying some Yes CD’s.

      • BigDan

        Ok I’m glad I’m not alone on that one.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

        Buy Close to the Edge and Fragile NOW! You won’t regret it.

        • mt

          relayer is great as well.amazing band.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Britt-Granitt/582086079 Britt Granitt

      Yes are one of my favorite bands. At least in the top 10. You cannot beat “Revealing the Science of God” from Tales From Topographic Oceans.

    • cougar party

      This one was great. I played Mastodon for my dad and the first thing he said was, “Have you heard of YES? You would like that band.”

    • tingdurr

      Yes was a complete catalyst for my love of metal

  • trondheim sux

    Agalloch – You own a Thor’s Hammer purchased from ebay.

    • Betelgeuse

      For $25,000.

    • Drums_ov_death

      and then sat on it!!!

      • JB

        Amen

  • bassguy

    My dying bride: you killed yourself right after reading this.

  • Why?

    Attack Attack! – Your sister’s pants are chaffing your nuts, so you give them back to her.
    Suicide Silence – Your sister’s pants are still chaffing your nuts… but you like it.

  • Ørsaeth

    Burzum – you spend months alone in a small room, composing music on only a synthesizer, and all your other bandmates seem slightly afraid of you.

  • CrestalMyth

    Baroness – you don’t know who Alphonse Mucha is.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fabian-Grn/100001053737775 Fabian Grün

      1

    • xynobia

      hahahahaha, yes!

    • speedbump

      For the win!

  • Aaron

    Isis: You think you’re better than everyone else

    Burzum: You’re a practicing Catholic

    Meshuggah: Your favorite band is actually a djent band but you won’t admit it

    • Lycanthrope

      yea but Meshuggah invented djent…..

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gilded-Thrones/100001415057666 Gilded Thrones

      I loath the term ‘djent’.

    • Dark Jezter

      +1 for the accurate description of Isis fanboys.

      • Betelgeuse

        What’s sad is that Isis fans are better than everyone else.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Montalvo/1520528598 Andy Montalvo

          Switch Isis with Tool and you’re pretty much dead-on.

    • ISIS fanboy

      +1 and +another 1 for beating me to the punch

    • Bose

      There is a difference between thinking that you are better than everyone else and knowing that you are better than everyone else. Just saying.

  • red cloud

    best GS article ever… hilarious

  • http://www.theangryfijian.com leroydragon

    FAITH NO MORE – YOURE FUCKING AWESOME!

    • Frampler

      1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Alden/100000286352345 Ben Alden

    Rose Funeral – You’re the state champion at playing Uno.

    • wackomann

      So what band gets stuck with Phase 10? Will most people agree that Phase 10 is Uno’s bitch?

  • Brennan Doyle

    Opeth- You think you are smarter and better than everyone at everything. And you think you have a soft side.

    • Poopenshaft

      You are so dumb. You are really really dumb. For real.

      • http://www.theangryfijian.com leroydragon

        ho ho homeboy!

      • Betelgeuse

        …so you can run and tell THAT….

        • http://www.theangryfijian.com leroydragon

          1

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Campbell/100000062448529 Paul Campbell

            …run and tell that…

    • Brennan Doyle

      Opeth happens to be my favorite metal band

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Britt-Granitt/582086079 Britt Granitt

      More like Opeth – You’ve wondered what a death metal version of Camel would sound like.

  • DecrepitGirth

    most precious blood- you bench press 400+

    • Betelgeuse

      ……….in your dreams while simultaneously being assfucked by various male cast members of “Glee” and “Gossip Girl” wearing “Eyes Wide Shut” masks.

      • http://www.theangryfijian.com leroydragon

        HAHAH! betelguese you crack me up!

        • Betelgeuse

          Do I?

  • !!!

    Iron Maiden – You play bass or hate being ostracized or both.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Will-Breen/1371272524 Will Breen

    Toxic Holocaust – You’re pissed off because you can’t seem to find your leather jacket.

    Bonded By Blood – You’re pissed off because you can’t seem to find your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles DVD’s.

    Municipal Waste – You’re pissed off because you can’t seem to find your pants.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Goldwater/33612828 Daniel Goldwater

      I lold.

  • B-dizzle

    Absolutely hilarious.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Nipp/703436346 Kyle Nipp

    It’s true. I enjoy the music of Mastodon and Yes.

  • Sam

    At the Gates- You realize that this is the perfect opportunity to let comment readers [like myself, admittedly] on metalsucks know what your favorite band is!!!1!!1!!one!!

  • Tim

    3 Inches of Blood – You are not an orc.

    Bolt Thrower – You are not an ork.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Goldwater/33612828 Daniel Goldwater

      Clever!

    • Betelgeuse

      I’m so glad that I don’t get this.

  • Betelgeuse

    Death – Your dying of brain cancer in Florida.

    • Brennan Doyle

      Fucking Asshole

      • Betelgeuse

        Yep.

    • Symbolic

      Then, I hope you love them.

      • Betelgeuse

        I do. With a capital A, just like that.

    • Ed

      Death-you are the father of death metal

  • Betelgeuse

    Metallica – Your van flipped over, killing your best friend. And you’ll never stop crying about it.

    • DeathByHatchet

      THIS.

  • Betelgeuse

    Hellyeah – You watched your brother get shot to death onstage during a performance.

    • Kneegrowth Pleez

      go dousche with vinegar and broken glass you fucking piece of shit. i hope some psycho guns your bitch ass down in front of your family.

      • Betelgeuse

        I’ll be here all night ladies and gentlemen (or is that just gentlemen?)!!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  • Joe

    Rage Against The Machine – You think it is cool to bitch about the government, capitalism and push socialism, but ok to make millions of dollars off album sales, and don’t find it the least bit hypocritical.

    System of a Down – You think Osama bin Laden was right.

    • Steve

      here come the rednecks.

    • TrucK

      Joe, conservatives like you don’t get it. Take your “americana views” and burn them.

    • CrestalMyth

      I dislike both bands, but you are a cunt.

      Nobody makes millions from album sales.

  • Betelgeuse

    Ozzy Osbourne – The best guitarist you ever heard died in a plane crash.

  • Betelgeuse

    Dillinger Escape Plan – ………I…..I don’t even know where to start………

    • The Greys

      You could start by stopping, because none of the comments you’ve posted so far are the slightest bit funny.

      • Betelgeuse

        U MAD?

  • Joe

    Metallica – You were cool 30 years ago. Now you are the old guy with the BMW trying to show everyone that you are still metal even though you drive a BMW and shop on Rodeo Drive.

    • Betelgeuse

      Is that the street where they tie ropes around a bulls dick to make him kick? I wouldn’t drive my BMW there.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Albert-Witchfinder/1013752031 Albert Witchfinder

    Electric Wizard – You’re stoned right now.
    Yep!

    • Tim

      Guilty.

  • http://giantofthemountain.bandcamp.com Lordassenfroth

    I like how this article is dead on. Seriously funny shit, keep it comin’!

  • Dale

    Dillinger Escape Plane- You enjoy the sound of a 747 crashing into a train, all at a tempo of around 320

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luke-Dobbin/100000907384111 Luke Dobbin

      I think I probably would enjoy that.

  • SON1KdethMUNKY

    My Dying Bride – You have a penchant for gazing sullenly at shit like dead trees.

    Slayer – You’re a raging alcoholic living in a basement.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Cobb/566162517 Corey Cobb

      wearing my slayer shoes and housing smirnoff right naaaaa

    • Betelgeuse

      Hey! I live over a garage, not in a basement. ……..man, I hate stairs.

    • Shink

      Fuck , I Listen to Slayer , Get drunk atleast twice a week , and yes i litteraly live in a basement

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Cobb/566162517 Corey Cobb

    Finntroll – You live in America and are not a heathen

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Cobb/566162517 Corey Cobb

      Amon Amarth – You weigh 90 pounds and program in PERL

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Cobb/566162517 Corey Cobb

      Sonata Arctica – You really like WoW

  • the rob

    tool – im smarter than you

    • Betelgeuse

      Don’t they just “think” they’re smarter than you? Or are they just “smarter than you”? C’mon Tool haters. Step your game up.

    • SP420

      More like you work at Ocean State and have been postponing taking your GED for 5 years.

      • Betelgeuse

        I said step your game UP.

      • Brock Sterns

        GOT EM! I bet thats exactly what he does!

        • Betelgeuse

          No no no……up…UP……

  • http://www.theangryfijian.com leroydragon

    TOOL – Im a right wing hippy annoying cunt

    • Betelgeuse

      Man, I’m with this guy! People who aren’t Tool fans are often astonishingly stupid.

      • http://www.theangryfijian.com leroydragon

        :)

    • Kid Moe

      Does Maynard have political views? I always figured he was too busy sucking his own dick while listening to David Brin audiobooks.

      • Betelgeuse

        Astonishing!

  • Erik

    Nine Inch Nails (yeah I know they’re not metal, gosh) – you’ve sucked Trent Reznor’s cock.

    • cocksucker

      I wish.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jared-Turner/1201596765 Jared Turner

    Burzum- 10 years Probation for attempted arson isnt as kvlt as you thought….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jared-Turner/1201596765 Jared Turner

    Bring me The Horizon – your thirteen

  • inhumanrampager

    Devin Townsend – You worship the very toilet Devin shits in.

    • Betelgeuse

      This seams pretty accurate except it should read: “You worship EVERY toilet Devin Townsend shits in”.

  • Randy Blythe’s Illegitimate Child

    Lamb of God – you create a MetalSucks name that has to do with LoG because you think you are sly

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Reagan/520958920 Mike Reagan

    Cannibal Corpse – You’re a pig

  • Jeff

    Wintersun- You are beginning to lose track of time.

    • James

      I see what you did there!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Mitchell/727402512 Matthew Mitchell

      Dude , I seriously just lost my shit laughing out loud right now.

      too true….

    • Alex_P

      1

    • http://web.me.com/metalshea metalshea

      1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elric-Epicness-Durden/736212689 Elric Epicness Durden

    Rhapsody: You’re fat and play WOW

    • Betelgeuse

      Ok, what is WOW? Your the second person here to mention it.

      • Ron Jeremy’s Back Hair

        World of Warcraft tard. Hai it’s 2011, welcome!

        • Betelgeuse

          Man! Just when I thought I couldn’t feel ANY better about myself, you MetalSucks commenters come in and put me over the top. THANK GOD I didn’t know that WOW meant World of Warcraft. Because, you know, it would have been sad and pathetic knowledge to be in possession of. THANKS SO MUCH, VIRGIN DORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Czuzak/1203912005 Matt Czuzak

            You’re bad at trolling

          • Betelgeuse

            Got you involved, didn’t I?

  • Major Zim

    Avenged Sevenfold – in two years you will realize how shitty your taste in metal was when you were in high school.

  • rugdie

    Black Dahlia murder- You don’t like the music. Just the DVD

  • Dark Jezter

    Rage Against the Machine – You have dreadlocks and a Che Guevara t-shirt, and you consider yourself a revolutionary even though the most rebellious thing you’ve done in the last decade is making internet forum posts comparing George W Bush to Hitler.

    • Sparta

      ^this

      • Joe

        100

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Snuggles-Verstralen/100001966052213 Tom Snuggles Verstralen

    Between The Buried And Me – When you listen to a song by any metalband, you’re hoping for a a proggy jazz fusion-bit to pass by.

    • Betelgeuse

      ……..so you can stop listing and get back to licking the little specks of feces and toilet paper off the hairs in your boyfriends asshole.

      • Howie

        Nothing a good ole buuthole massage can’t fix!

  • John

    Devourment- You enjoying slamming the upmost sickness

  • Tommy

    Bring Me The Horizon- You think that virgin mustaches are sexy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeremy-Casa-De-Agua/1110709238 Jeremy Casa De Agua

    Converge-RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • Head Ov Metal

    So true!

  • KyleD

    Tool – “You get it, man.”

  • Vithon

    Metallica – Chances are, you will also find the new Rebeca Black single in your music library.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Hurley/1289730334 Matt Hurley

      Generic stab at metal n00bs is generic

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tim-Bartolini/100001859397919 Tim Bartolini

    Anal Cunt – You live on a houseboat

  • Barry Von Breetalstein

    Killswitch Engage: You wonder if you are alive or just breathing.

    As I Lay Dying: You hate Reggie

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Britt-Granitt/582086079 Britt Granitt

    Devin Townsend – Sometimes you think poop smells kinda good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tim-Bartolini/100001859397919 Tim Bartolini

    Opeth – You genre whores are all retarded. Clearly we’re bubblegum pop

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Hurley/1289730334 Matt Hurley

      Akerfeldtian wit at its finest

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tim-Bartolini/100001859397919 Tim Bartolini

    Meshuggah – We don’t fucking like juice

  • http://nothingwrongwithfire.tumblr.com HoovesCarveCraters

    Agalloch – You’d rather hang out with trees than people

  • David

    Buzzards circle me all the time…they want revenge from that chilhood incident involving ketchup/fake blood and a wrist rocket.

    What the hell does that have to do with anything?

  • http://batmessiah.com Batmessiah

    Immortal : You’ve never seen a vagina, let alone touch one.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Hurley/1289730334 Matt Hurley

      Generic stab at black metal fans is generic

      • http://batmessiah.com Batmessiah

        Just because it is generic doesn’t make it any less true.

  • Howie

    Mr. Bungle: You’re doing something psychadelic right now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Long/100000144612811 Mike Long

    Iron Maiden: You laugh every time someone says “15 quid”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tre-Watson/506737562 Tre Watson

    Devin townsend – You laugh when people fail at being both relevant and funny, and deeply enjoy toilet humor.

    • Betelgeuse

      Awwwwwwwwww…….did somebody get his widdal feewwings hurt?

  • Lycanthrope

    Slayer – you hate all other sub-genres of metal. Except maybe grindcore.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eirik-Kjs-Usterud/1067091137 Eirik Kjøs Usterud

    This was great. Somewhat inaccurate in that I’ve never had the chance to circle King Buzzo, but… :3

  • Rick

    Sonata Arctica – You’re in your early to mid 20s but still have your old Pokemon cards and Generation I Game Boy games somewhere.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Hurley/1289730334 Matt Hurley

    Dream Theater – Going to Guitar Center is a social event

    • SourDeez

      Dream Theater – You masturbate even more frequently now than you did when you were 13.

  • SourDeez

    I have indeed been circled by buzzards. It still counts if I was driving right? I’m pretty sure I was blasting some Sky Valley at the time.

  • gooniestorm

    TOOL- you are one.

  • DKing

    Darkest Hour – You’ve never heard at the gates

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michel-Giroux-Burroughs/574086565 Michel Giroux-Burroughs

    Metallica – You actually like Load and Reload and could listen to Hetfield sing “YEAAAAAAAAAH” for hours.

  • Chris

    ISIS: Are you sure you didn’t mean Neurosis?

    Neurosis: Are you sure you didn’t mean ISIS?

    Pig Destroyer: That’s fucked up, man. I mean – awesome, but fucked up.

  • im feeling cunty

    what do the faceless say about me? cause thats my favorite band and i do not see them on here…dicks

  • Chuck-Chuck Razool

    I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!!!!

  • Chuck-Chuck Razool

    I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!!!!

  • Flyus

    Accept