Let’s just pretend that I wrote a clever intro and move directly to the matter at hand, shall we?

So. Despite the order of the band in my headline I am actually going to start with this video Gary Suarez sent us, for “Call to the Warrior” by the band Affiance. Why? Because it’s actually NOT terrible! I mean, clearly some thought went into it, and it’s well-made. It’s actually good enough that it makes me wish I liked the song more. I guess as far as twenty-fifth generation screamo/metalcore acts go, Affiance isn’t bad, but they’re not playing anything you haven’t heard before. I do kinda wonder if the vocalist can really hit those notes or not… if anyone checks out this band live, let me know.

Next up is “16 Dollars,” from Volbeat. Generally speaking, I do understand why people like this band… but Vince says they put on a killer show, and this is the first song of theirs that I’ve heard that I actually thought was okay. (The video ain’t terrible, either.) Oddly enough, it’s not even really metal… so maybe the moral of the story is, I can stomach Volbeat as long as they stick to being Fastball.

Next on the list is Gypsyhawk’s, uh, “Gypsyhawk.” Man, it really bugs me when bands write songs with their name as the title; even Living Colour weren’t able to pull it off. But the actual music here isn’t too bad. I don’t think this band is the cat’s tits like Bob Cock does,  but metal has far bigger problems right now than another retro act. And I’d wager these directors might actually be able to make something cool, given a better budget — I mean, clearly, they didn’t half-ass this…

And although I let Affiance, Volbeat, and Gypsyhawk off easy, I cannot do the same for today’s final video, for Within Temptation’s “Shot in the Dark.” For one thing, I’m disappointed that this song has nothing to do with Peter Sellers. For another thing, the track is super-lame. And to top it all of, it’s the most boringest video in the history of ever. At least it’s in focus, I guess, ’cause that’s really all it has going for it.

;

-AR