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Exclusive Band Meeting Transcript: Morbid Angel Decide to Release Illud Divinum Insanus Remix Album

Following in the footsteps of their greatest influences, including Marilyn Manson, Static-X, and Orgy, Morbid Angel have announced plans to release a remix companion album to this year’s critically-acclaimed Illud Divinum Insanus in early 2012. MetalSucks has now exclusively obtained a transcript of the recent band meeting in which the decision to create said remix album was made. Check it out below!

Band Manger: Okay, guys. I’ve gathered you all here today because we have a real problem.
Tim Yeung: Oh my gosh, is everything oka–
Band Manager [interrupting]: Keep quiet, Tom, I was talking to the band.
Tim Yeung: Actually my name’s not —
Band Manager: What did I just say?
Tim Yeung lowers his head and avoids eye contact.
Band Manager: Okay, moving on. So, like I was saying. We have a real problem here. People don’t like your new album.
David Vincent: Wait… seriously?
Band Manager: Shocking, I know.
Trey Azagthoth: The putrid imbecilic masses simply do not understand our genius.
Band Manager: Yes, Trey. They do not understand your genius.
Trey Azagthoth: We have pushed extreme music to the most extreme extremities of all extreme-iness.
Band Manager: Uh-huh, right. Extreme-iness. The thing is, I think we need to do something to get the fans back on your side, like, immediately, or we risk doing major, permanent damage to your career.
David Vincent: Did you have something in mind?
Band Manager: I did, actually. I think you should put something else out, and do it ASAP.
David Vincent: But it took us so long just to finish Illud Divinum Insanus!
Band Manager: I know, David, believe me, I am aware. But it doesn’t have to be a full-length. It could be an EP! Or maybe a reissue of one of your old albums with b-sides and rarities and —
Trey Azagthoth [interrupting]: We shall make a remix album.
Long silence.
Band Manager: Trey, I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. It sounds like you said “A remix album.”
Trey Azagthoth: You heard correctly, foul mutant.
Band Manager: Uh, okay, so… that would be, like, when Dave Mustaine cleaned-up all the old Megadeth albums, right? That’s a fantastic idea, Trey! We can re-release all your old classics and tell the fans they need to re-buy them —
Trey Azagthoth: NO, THOU WRETCHED BEAST! Pay attention! We will re-mix Illud Divinum Insanus!
Band Manager: You… will re-mix… Illud Divinum Insanus?
Trey Azagthoth: Indeed! We will hire DJ Lethal and Skrillex and Timbaland to give the record a more industrial feel.
Band Manager: Um, it already sounds kind of industrial, in fact, I think that’s a big part of the reason why people don’t —
Trey Azagthoth: IT SHALL BE MORE EXTREME THAN EVER!!!
Band Manager:
Trey Azagthoth:
Band Manager:
Trey Azagthoth:
Band Manager: So, just to get this straight… you want to combat fan backlash against Illud Divinum Insanus… by re-mixing Illud Divinum Insanus?
Trey Azagthoth: EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME!!!!!!!!
Band Manager:
Destructhor: Does anyone care what I think?
Tim Yeung silently signals for Destructhor to keep quiet.

Categories: Greatest HitsUpcoming Bullsh*t
Tags: Morbid Angel
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