Missed Connections: You Puked at the Ulcerate Show (M4M – Brooklyn, NY)
So I guess perusing Craigslist’s “Missed Connections” section purely for entertainment is really a thing. Not only do MetalSucks readers constantly send us funny ones pertaining to metal, but a friend of mine recently admitted to looking over the New York Missed Connections forum every day over her morning coffee… to see if anybody’s mentioned her. I mean… wtf?
Today’s Craigslist entertainment comes via MS reader Fuzzy Dunlop, who happened upon a Missed Connections post written by someone at this past Saturday’s Ulcerate show in Brooklyn. I was at the show, and I can verify that the assbag in the grey Maryland Deathfest t-shirt did indeed make a fool of himself all night, culminating in an epic puke session into the middle of the pit. It was really something! Seems like someone else was… erm… turned on by the incident:
You: Puking your guts out into the middle of the moshpit at the Ulcerate show at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, this past Saturday night. Grey “Maryland Deathfest” t-shirt.
Me: Standing on the back edge of the pit shyly, black “Relapse Records” record label logo t-shirt. Dark brown, bushy beard.
I was watching you all night, during the opening bands too. You were alone — takes balls to go to a metal show alone! Your gray Maryland Deathfest t-shirt showed off both your stellar taste in metal and your “special” physique (a guy with a little beer gut really turns me on!). The way you went up to random people between bands and starting bothering them about that Behold… The Arctopus show a couple months back was so amicable and friendly! You sounded so cute the way you talk when you get a little tipsy, and you were really putting away those PBRs so you sounded VERY cute :)
When Ulcerate started you stormed into the pit like a real man. I lurrrrrv a REAL man. The way you recklessly barreled into all the innocent bystanders on the pit’s periphery and carelessly elbowed them and knocked the beers out of their hands was so HOTT!!! Shows you’re a real alpha. When that one tall dude with the glasses body-slammed you into the concrete floor then feigned innocence by helping you up and saying “Sorry dude!” and giving you a bro-hug, it made me feel so bad that you were so taken advantage of. And then when you got into a tussle with the same guy a few minutes later and you were both pushed face-first into the floor, I felt your pain. Good on you for stepping out of the pit and taking a breather!
But your crowning achievement, what really got me all hot n’ bothered, was the way you so valiantly projectile vomited — and I do mean projectile — right into the center of the pit. Not once, but four times over! I can only imagine how you felt after getting socked by the punishing floor like that, but it takes a TRUE man to just let it all out in public, cover his own shoes in puke, and stink up the entire room in the process.
I saw you standing outside after the show on the corner of N. 6th and Wythe with your puke-soaked Deathfest shirt off, leaning against the building. OMG, so hott, but I just didn’t have the balls to come up and say hi to you. Got to see that hott beer gutt in the flesh though, and some cool tattoos :) Won’t you email me?
Can we help a brotha out here? I’m sure that through the power of the Interhole and MetalSucks we can track down Mr. Puke.