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Dave Mustaine is So Misunderstood

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Dave Mustaine Reads Mother Jones

It’s been a minute since Dave Mustaine said anything so dumb that I felt it warranted a rant. But as Kerry King once said, give this dude some rope…

So. During a recent interview with Faster Louder, Mustaine was asked what he thought of the U.S. government shutdown. Mustaine’s answer?

“You know, I do but I think that so many people misinterpret what I say when it comes to politics that I’d just rather stick to music. I mean, if you and I were sitting down and having a brew or a steak or something, I could say, yeah, we could talk about it, and I could explain what I mean, but it’s just so weird when people misinterpret what you say.”

Well, guys, I have to be honest: this quote made me go back and re-examine some of the things Mustaine has taken shit for saying, and now I feel TERRIBLE, because, clearly, we HAVE been misinterpreting Mustaine’s political comments all this time. For example…

DAVE SAID: “I watch some of these shows from over in Africa, and you’ve got starving women with six kids. Well, how about, you know, put a plug in it?”

WHAT WE THOUGHT HE MEANT: African women who can’t feed their children ought to close the hole in their vagina so as not to have any more mouths to feed.

WHAT HE MUST HAVE REALLY MEANT: African women who can’t feed their children ought to close the drain in their sink so as not to lose any precious food by accident.

 ***

DAVE SAID:  “Well, since I’m not gay, the answer to [the question of whether or not I approve of gay marriage] would be no.”

WHAT WE THOUGHT HE MEANT: Homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to marry.

WHAT HE MUST HAVE REALLY MEANT: Homosexuals shouldn’t have to endure marriage.

 ***

DAVE SAID:  “I have a lot of questions about [Obama], but certainly not where he was born. I know he was born somewhere else than America… I’m not calling a question to it, I just… How come he was invisible until he became whatever he was in Illinois?”

WHAT WE THOUGHT HE MEANT: President Obama was not born in America, and, therefore, should not legally be allowed to be President of the United States.

WHAT HE MUST HAVE REALLY MEANT: President Obama was the inspiration for Invisible Man (the Wells one, not the Ellison one) and was created in a laboratory that does not reside on U.S. soil.

 ***

DAVE SAID:  “Back in my country, my president is trying to pass a gun ban so he’s staging all of these murders… I don’t know where I’m going to live if America keeps going the way it’s going because it looks like it’s turning into Nazi America.”

WHAT WE THOUGHT HE MEANT: President Obama is a dictator who order violent crimes against his own citizens in order to turn America into a fascist state.

WHAT HE MUST HAVE REALLY MEANT: “Murder” is synonymous with “musical,” and President Obama is staging a lot of song and dance numbers because a teaspoon of sugar and all that. Also, Mustain’s eyesight isn’t what it used to be, and from where he is currently standing, it literally looks like the country is turning into Nazi America.

 ***

DAVE SAID: “I don’t believe in evolution, I believe in creation, so science only goes so far with me.”

WHAT WE THOUGHT HE MEANT: There’s no such thing as evolution, and the fact that millions of scientists claim there is such a thing as evolution calls ALL of science into question.

WHAT HE MUST HAVE REALLY MEANT: …

 ***

OH, POOR DAVE!!! HOW COULD WE EVER HAVE MISINTERPRETED HIS STRAIGHT FORWARD MESSAGES?!?! WILL HE EVER FORGIVE US?!?!?!?!?!

All kidding aside… who does this dude think he’s kidding? I’m glad he apparently finally found someone to tell him to keep his moronic views to himself, but claiming he’s been “misinterpreted” is disingenuous spin. I’d have more respect for the guy if he’s just said “Since my political views seem to anger people, I’d rather just talk about music.” But he doesn’t just wanna avoid the topic — he wants everyone to forgive him for his comments in the past. Talk about spineless.

[via]

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