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50 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT PIG DESTROYER

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  1. They’re called Pig Destroyer.
  2. They’re called “Pig Destroyer” because they thought “Cop Killer” lacked tact.
  3. Their lyrics would often seem to be misogynistic.
  4. Their lyrics are not actually misogynistic.
  5. Actually I have no proof that their lyrics are not actually misogynistic, but Decibel keeps telling me they’re not so I’m just gonna run with it.
  6. That they have a song called “Piss Angel.”
  7. That said song closes what’s basically a concept album about a nut job stalking his ex.
  8. That for about sixteen glorious seconds, “Carrion Fairy” turns into the best Metallica song that Metallica have completely failed to write in the 21 century.
  9. Their cover art. All of it.
  10. Scott Hull’s guitar playing.
  11. That Scott Hull used to be in Anal Cunt.
  12. That Scott Hull is also in Agoraphobic Nosebleed.
  13. That Scott Hull is also in Japanese Torture Comedy Hour.
  14. That Scott Hull also has a weird secret government job.
  15. That Scott Hull described his son who doesn’t like grind as “my Alex P. Keaton.”
  16. I pretty much just have a giant man-crush on Scott Hull, okay?
  17. Did I mention they’re called Pig Destroyer?
  18. That someone in the band is obsessed with Domo, the weird Asian children’s doll that looks like a turd:
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  20. The lyrics to “Trojan Whore.”
  21. The lyrics to “Soft Assassin.”
  22. The lyrics to “Girl in a Slayer Jacket.”
  23. Actually, just all of J.R. Hayes’s lyrics.
  24. Also the way J.R. Hayes stalks in a circle while screaming on-stage.
  25. Also, Brian Harvey’s drumming.
  26. Also, Blake Harrison is there, too.
  27. The fact that the band apparently still practices in a band member’s parent’s basement.
  28. The fact that the band members all have other jobs so that they never have to depend on Pig Destroyer for their income so that they never have to compromise, ever.
  29. The fact that they have never compromised, ever.
  30. The fact that they will never compromise, ever.
  31. The fact that they’re making so much noise with so few members.
  32. Also, fuck bass players.
  33. That one of their videos stars a member of Dry Kill Logic.
  34. Time to mention that they’re called Pig Destroyer again.
  35. That they have so many splits, singles, comps, and other assorted shit that trying to keep track of it all is like trying to keep track of the filmography of any given “I made 81 movies just this week” porn star.
  36. Speaking of porn: the phrase “pornographers of sound” doesn’t actually mean anything, but it sure looks cool on a hoodie.
  37. That my ex didn’t want me to buy said hoodie.
  38. That I bought it anyway.
  39. Speaking of hoodies: Their merch.
  40. “Natasha.”
  41. How shocked people are by “Natasha.”
  42. That they’ve work with William S. Burroughs.
  43. That they’ve worked with Paul Booth.
  44. That they’ve worked with John Baizley.
  45. Are they still called Pig Destroyer? They are? Okay, cool.
  46. The riff that starts this song:
  47. Everything that comes after the riff that starts that song.
  48. That they don’t really tour, thus making every Pig Destroyer show an event.
  49. That they absolutely rape live.
  50. That they will absolutely rape me and many others live this Friday night.
  51. Oh yeah. They’re called fucking Pig Destroyer.

-AR

There are still tickets available for this Friday night’s Blackened Music Series show featuring Brutal Truth, Pig Destroyer and Repulsion. WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE STILL TICKETS LEFT?!?!

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