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OMGG: THE RETURN OF THE REVOLVER GOLDEN GODS AWARDS

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When it was announced Wednesday that the second annual Revolver Golden Gods Awards will explode all over the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles on April 8, I was like whoa, ’cause last year’s ReGGAs just came up in conversation the other day. But then I was like ouch, ’cause I was absolutely not invited to the press conference at the Rainbow, and goddammit that sucks, ’cause you only get so many chances to gaze adoringly at Lemmy. So okay, it’s true: I wrote a bunch of negative shit about last year’s outing. But it was an honest description of what you, sir, would’ve witnessed if you had attended and not me. And if not, duh, no one listens to me anyway ’cause I’m an idiot! Most commenters wonder openly if I’m retarded! Jesus!

At any rate, I hope they let me and Adam [Who the fuck is Adam? – Ed.] attend again this year. When he asked about it a few days ago, I expressed my sincere hope that the show would go on. Now I’m excited that it will. Things were janky last time, but it was the first metal awards ceremony in the country; improvement will come with experience. Well that’s what I was told by a fortune cookie today. And ass it turns out, that wise-ass cookie was right! First off, this year y’got hosts Andrew W.K. (who may or may not be a robot from the future) and Chris Jericho (more like Chris Hilar-icho). Plus, Rob Halford is the guest of honor! And blaow! Just look at some of these categories!

Album Of The Year:

ALICE IN CHAINS – Black Gives Way to Blue
HEAVEN & HELL – The Devil You Know
MASTODON – Crack the Skye
MEGADETH – Endgame
SLAYER – World Painted Blood
THEM CROOKED VULTURES – Them Crooked Vultures

Pretty competitive, right? What’s the Suckalo vote on this one? Mastodon? Mastodon. Next:

Best Underground Band:

BEHEMOTH
BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME
THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER
CONVERGE
THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN
OBITUARY

Good god. This is impossible. Uhhh… BTBAM? Obituary deserves a shitload of awards. Behemoth makes sense, too. Shit. This category is a total cockfight. Here check out one more:

Comeback Of The Year:

AC/DC
ALICE IN CHAINS
ANVIL
FEAR FACTORY
HEAVEN & HELL
KISS

I can spot at least two lemons among these yummy oranges. Hmmm… What are we thinking here? Feels like Alice In Chains. Or Heaven & Hell. Suddenly I feel like cranking Alice In Hell.

-ADF

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