Haterade

SH*TSTAIN #16: A TRASH BAG WITH TITS

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Okay, so “A Trash Bag with Tits” isn’t actually the name of this band – they are really just a she, and she calls herself Mary Magdalan, although that’s obviously not her real name, and it’s not even how you spell “Mary Magdalene,” so right off the bat I don’t know what the crap she was thinking.

But after MS Maniac You Don’t Know Me sent us this video, I thought “Even though all or most MS readers will probably be able to agree that this music is terrible, I bet some idiot is gonna leave a comment along the lines of ‘I’d still stick it in her,’” for the simple reason that she shows a lot of cleavage. And here’s the thing: i) cleavage isn’t hard to come by so it’s not a good enough reason alone to sleep with someone (not saying I don’t love cleavage, just sayin’, y’know, there are other things in life), ii) hopefully every once in awhile when choosing your sexual partners you take things like personality into account, and I have a hard time believing that anyone who thinks this is good music has a personality that would mesh with my own, and iii) the whole runny make-up/”I look like I probably have hepatitis” thing just doesn’t really do it for me. If you’d sleep with this girl, I think you’d probably sleep with a bag full of trash, so long as it had tits on it. Or, worse, Courtney Love. Thus, my headline.

Anyways, this sucks. And I looked this twit up on MySpace – her DJ (a fucking DJ in 2010!!!) calls himself “Gzus” and her guitar player calls himself “Jizm,” so clearly we’re dealing with a trio of rocket scientists. If they can create a time machine – and I don’t see any reason why they can’t, given their clearly MENSA-level IQs – they should have a great career opening for (Hed) p.e. in 1997. This is a Sicks Deep level of bad.

-AR

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