Hipsters Out Of Metal!

I CHALLENGE MASVIDAL TO A BATTLE OF WITS

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Don’t think I haven’t noticed how that rotten Paul Masvidal (armed with his lousy awesome columns about happiness) has raised the intellectual level of MetalSucks to at least high school. And I must protest. Yes, Masvidal is wonderful, but c’mon dude! We’re trying to bicker about Mustaine and boobs here, man.

It’s like his guileless insights, so eloquently stated, render sub-retards like me too self-conscious to, say, publish 6,800 words about the hand-hug from Ronnie James Dio a fortnight ago that has changed my life. And suddenly, after I complete a second extended harangue about Stephen Pearcy, my finger hovers over the button that reads SUBMIT FOR REVIEW ‘cuz I’m thinking, “Will Paul think this is bullshit? Wait a minute. This is bullshit!’ It’s like I have another editor. A silent, invisible editor by remote suggestion!

MASVIDAL!!!!!!!

Okay, sorry, look, I appreciate Paul Masvidal and his column. That’s old news. But, shit, I don’t go to his dojo and, I dunno, start shouting about the third Dangerous Toys record (it’s awesome) or about how disturbing it is that Queensryche’s Geoff Tate wears kneepads in the titanic “Anybody Listening?” video (it’s gross). Actually, I was reminded of the latter after fleeing to BringBackGlam.com to turd up my brain after the deep Masvidalian cleansing on Wednesday. (And then I listened to the former. In your face, Professor Wonderful.)

Bring Back Glam commenters were too sweet to even mention Tate’s tragic attire (those gloves – OY!), and I’m dying for answers to this two-decade old question. So, I turn to you, Paul Masvidal, Mr. Awesomeness: Can you explain why Geoff Tate is wearing kneepads in the “Anybody Listening?” video? Figure that one out! Or are you not prepared to go to the very brink of sanity? Buhk bwahk bwa-bwahk!!!!

-ADF

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