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SCOTT WEILAND IS A RETARD

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SCOTT WEILAND IS A RETARD

And so is anyone who thinks this dipshit is really sober.

Mr. Weiland’s latest stunt is a recent radio interview in which he is clearly so fucked up that I’m amazed he was even able to hold a phone. (Maybe his assistant was holding it for him, or affixed one of those nifty headsets to Weiland’s noggin.) At one point, the DJ asks Weiland why he missed a particular show; here’s a transcript of the exchange that follows:

WEILAND: Um… [long pause]… Let’s see… I think that was the show where, um… there was a, um…

DJ: [encouraging, as if to a small child] You can do it.

WEILAND: …a foot, um… long… um… uhh… like, it’s like… normally, a stage is just, like, a flat stage…

DJ: [irritated] Riiiight.

WEILAND:…and this was a really high stage…

DJ: Okay…

WEILAND: …and I spun around, did a little James Brown move, and I slipped and fell into it about eight feet.

It’s at this point that the poor DJ has to stop Weiland and point out that he’s not talking about some show where Weiland fell off the stage (another sure sign of sobriety), but a show that Weiland missed altogether (even as the rest of the band apparently showed up). At one point, the DJ actually mumbles “Yeah, I don’t, I’m not, I have no idea what’s going on.”

And here’s the kicker: Weiland later claims that he’s “completely sober.”

Does this dude seriously think he’s fooling anyone? Does he get off the phone and go, “That interview went really well!” Why doesn’t he just admit that he’s fucked up? Clearly, his bandmates don’t care, because they continue to tour and record with him, and his handlers don’t care, because they arranged and allowed him to do this interview, and his fans don’t care, because people keep paying to go see the band; so being a total mess has done no harm whatsoever to Scott Weiland’s career. So why the charade? I honestly can’t figure it out.

Unless Scott Weiland is really just that fucking stupid. It’s the only logical answer. The guy must have someone to tell the time for him and to tie his shoelaces and brush his teeth and help him pee and wipe his butt and bathe. Because he is clearly operating at a sub-I Am Sam level of intelligence, which allows him to think that even when he’s trying to explain how stages are often flat and can’t put the phrase “foot long” together with giving it some serious consideration, he’s still passing for sober.

Listen to the entire interview here. It’s really quite funny.

-AR

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