DJ ASHBA HAS A FIRM GRASP OF REALITY
12 looped seconds of “Checkmate,” one of 70-something songs from the Chinese Democracy sessions that will probably never see the light of day.
A couple of weeks ago Eyal wrote a great installment of “Jumping Darkness Parade” in which he asserted that “the only thing you can trust is for a person to be who they are, not who they tell you they are.” Past behavior is always the best indicator of future behavior.
And the past behavior of Axl Rose tells us that if we ever get a follow-up to Chinese Democracy, it won’t be for a very, very long time. It was four years in-between the release of Appetite for Destruction and Use Your Illusion, nearly two of which were spent just recording the latter albums, and all signs point to Axl being the source of the long wait; then it was SEVENTEEN more years before the release of Democracy. Even if you consider that Axl and all the various incarnations of GN’R didn’t start working on that album until roughly 1995, and the that recording was allegedly (finally) completed circa 2006, that’s STILL eleven years. Based on this information, I have worked out a mathematical formula for how long it will take Axl to record each subsequent Guns N’ Roses album, which is as follows:
TIME IT TOOK TO RECORD THE LAST ALBUM + NINE ADDITIONAL YEARS = TIME IT WILL TAKE TO RECORD THE NEXT ALBUM
According to this precise formula, if Axl Rose’s Rock N’ Roll Circus enters the studio to make a follow-up to Chinese Democracy in 2011, then the album will be released in 2031. By that time, Axl will be almost 70 years old, Dj Ashba will be almost 60 years old, and Slash will theoretically be 66 but, let’s face it, will more likely be dead (or, at least, still searching for a suitable replacement to take Scott Weiland’s spot in Velvet Revolver). There probably won’t be a MetalSucks in 2031, there almost certainly won’t be a record industry, and there definitely won’t be a Best Buy for Axl to con into carrying a record he has no intention of properly promoting. And I can’t for the life of me figure out who would fund such an endeavor anyway.
And yet Dj Ashba has the audacity to “promise” fans that the next album “won’t take as long” to record and release:
The funniest part about this is that in 2002, Axl told fans that Chinese Democracy would actually end up being three records, and that there would be one released each year for three consecutive years. If he’d stuck to that, then we’d have gotten CD2 last year and CD3 this year. Not only did that obviously not happen, but Ashba makes no mention of the other two albums, which leads me to believe that either a) no one ever mentioned them to him and he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about (entirely possible), or b) those albums are never going to see the light of day, assuming they even existed at all (also entirely possible).
What is the point of this long winded rant? Well, 1) no one should take anything Dj Ashba says seriously, and 2) seriously, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHICKEN SOUP, BITCH?!?
In other news, anyone know what the fuck Robin Finck is up to these days? He hasn’t tweeted since July and his website is down. I miss that dude!