...And F*ck You Too


  • Axl Rosenberg


You would have to be going out of your way to be ignorant not to have heard about 22 year old Jared Lee Loughner’s assassination attempt on Democratic U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in Tuscon this past weekend, but in case you really don’t ever read anything besides MetalSucks — this dick wad left six people dead, including a nine year old girl and a district judge, and wounded twelve other people (as of this writing, Giffords herself is still in critical condition).

Once I got over the shock of the news on Saturday, my first thought was, “Well, someone’s gonna try and blame this on metal.” ‘Cause in the words of Chris Rock, “That train is never late.” Hell, less than four years ago, after the Virginia Tech shootings, Vince made the same prediction — and he was right. And that was, obviously, not the first instance of scapegoating metal. There’s about as much connection between listening to metal and trying to kill someone as there is between listening to country and discovering a cure for cancer, but it’s loud, angry, rebellious music that often deals in violent imagery, so it makes it easy for people to point the finger at the music we love.

Enter Rush Limbaugh, a political mind adored by millions of free-thinking, well-informed, and perfectly reasonable people around the world.

According to The Huffington Post, Limbaugh “lashed out Monday at critics who linked the Tucson shootings to the confrontational, gun-themed rhetoric of conservatives such as Sarah Palin and the Tea Party.” Among Limbaugh’s arguments?

“The guy listened to heavy metal, and some of that anarchist stuff. We’re dealing with an insane individual.”

That’s a direct quote from the man himself, by the way.

Thing is, his facts are actually right — apparently, Loughner did listen to metal, and clearly, he is insane. But you need a Milano-sized jump in logic to claim that one of these facts follows the other. Not all metal fans are insane, and not all insane people are metal fans. Listening to “Bodies” only means that you have questionable taste, not questionable sanity. Ad hoc does not ergo propter hoc, or whatever.

(And by the way, I’m not suggesting that Sarah Palin and/or the Tea Party are responsible for Loughner’s actions, either. I mean, I wouldn’t exactly be shocked if it turned out that he took that shit way too seriously, but I’m gonna wait for someone at least as smart as Rush Limbaugh to tell me that that’s the case before I draw any conclusions.)

I just can’t believe that we really do have to hear this nonsense again. I don’t even think it would really bother me if I didn’t know that there are people who take The Oswald Cobblepot of Talk Radio seriously. Because think about it: right now there are seriously people in the world who think that you are an insane, dangerous person just because you listen to heavy metal, the same way that there are people who think that all Muslims are terrorists. And what chance would you even stand of just having a normal, getting-to-know-you conversation with a person who thinks that? No wonder we all hate one another.

So in the name of peace, I’m gonna be the first one to reach across the aisle and try to broker a deal with Rushy Poo. I mean, we’re both media magnates who have roughly the same-sized following, right? He’ll listen to me. So I’m gonna suggest a compromise — ’cause, see, Loughner liked metal, sure, but what he really liked was terrible metal, like Fear Before. If Rush wants to blame any mass killings on crapcore, I will give him my total blessing. Let’s throw all these kids in jail and toss away the key, Rush!


[via Metal Insider]

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