The Webernets


  • Axl Rosenberg


Well, this is kinda fun/funny.

In 1994, Guitar World administered a “blindfold test” to Yngwie Malmsteen — which was basically like Decibel‘s monthly “Call & Response” column: the artist is played a bunch of songs without being told who those songs are by, and is then asked to comment. GW has now re-published that article online, and Yngwie’s then-responses to various metal bands are, needless to say, quite entertaining.

Listening to Metallica, Malmsteen praises Lars Ulrich as “a great drummer,” humbly asserts that “I’m not saying I influenced [Metallica], but maybe I did,” and criticizes Kirk Hammett, accusing his solos of being the “anticlimax” of the song: “I don’t think that he plays with musicality, or plays in tune.” When discussing Pantera, Malmsteen condemns Phil Anselmo’s vocals, stating that he “couldn’t find enough words to describe my disgust” for the singer’s style: “It sounds like somebody is either shoving something up the vocalist’s ass, or something is coming out of his ass and mouth at the same time.” Yngwie thought that Dream Theater was “by far, one of the best bands to come out recently,” but hated drummer Mike Portnoy, whose “choice of beats is terrible” and “[has] obviously listened to too much Neal Peart [Rush] over the years and needs to take a Valium.”

And, oh yeah, he thought that Death sucked altogether:

MALMSTEEN: The singer sounds like he’s sitting on a toilet seat, pushing a big one. I can’t stand it! It sounds like the band can’t decide which song to play. This beat-change bullshit — I don’t like it. The guitarist isn’t awful; he actually has a decent vibrato. But I can’t get off on it.

GW: But isn’t this a bit similar to what Metallica plays, which you do like?

MALMSTEEN: It is, but it isn’t as good. But I like that the bassist is playing fretless. However, the fact that he’s playing out of tune isn’t so tasty. Also, the production is awful; it sounds like the song was recorded on a Fostex 4-track.

By the way, he’s specifically referring to “The Philosopher,” from Individual Thought Patterns, which was produced by Scott Burns and  Chuck Schuldiner. So, uh, yeah.

Anyway, we’ve all said things in the past that we probably regret, but we don’t all have those things re-published eighteen years later for everyone to laugh at. Read the complete article here.


Thanks to Carlos B. for the tip!

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