It’s been more than two years since Dave Ellefson found God and James LoMenzo found daytime television, but the bass player has finally gotten off his tuchus and decided to make a contribution to society: he’ll appear on the new season of the CBS reality show The Amazing Race. I’ve never watched the show, but from what I gather, it’s about people who are on a race that’s, like, really amazing.

His partner in the competition (’cause the racers all have partners apparently) will be Mark “Abba” Abbattista, who manages the tribute band (What the fucking fuck? Tribute bands have managers now?) with whom LoMenzo sometimes appears, HAIL! I’m not saying I’m really excited that he manages them, by the way; they have an exclamation point as part of their name. Hey, this business is all about appearance, you gotta make people think fans are excited about your music somehow, y’know?

If the duo wins they will take home somewhere between $1 million and $2 million, depending on some silly rules I don’t care enough to try and explain, especially because I have a hard time believing anyone really cares all that much if James LoMenzo wins or not.

I do, however, enjoying typing the name “LoMenzo.” LoMenzo. There. I did it again.


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