GWAR To Annihilate What’s Left of The World on 30th Anniversary Tour

Ok, that title was a bit misleading, it’s not a world tour. But it doesn’t do me any damn good either, I live in California and they’re not coming anywhere near me. You’d think that aliens bent on the destruction of the Earth could get in their spaceship and fly just a tiny bit farther to get to the other side of the country to destroy us, but nOOOooooo.

It seems the ol’ Scumdogs have gotten comfy since settling on Earth, and having found the darkest pit of all to slither into (Virginia), they are loathe to emerge for long, lest the sun sap their energy and burn the flesh of their slaves. Thirty years is apparently a long time, even for aliens who created the human race by having sex with apes.

What better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than with a spectacular victory lap bringing death and depravity to cities across America? GWAR‘s  “30 Years of Total Domination Tour” is a celebration of unimaginable torment. Expect more blood and bodily fluids than ever before as your Lords and Masters take on the newest threat to their very existence-the Internet! That’s right, GWAR is going to kick the Internet’s ass; if they can ever stop jerking off to porn long enough to find it. Pustulus is none too pleased about the situation, having this to say while “taking 5″ from his weekly schedule of drawing dicks on bible pages…

So if you live on the lucky side of the country, you can see your extraterrestrial overlords to worship them in person on the following dates, with some alliterative openers:

GWAR w/Butcher Babies and Battlecross
8/25: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater
8/27: Des Moines, IA @ Wooly’s
8/28: Lincoln, NE @ Bourbon Theater
8/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada
8/31: Tulsa, OK @ Cain’s Ballroom
9/1: San Antonio, TX @ Kapones
9/2: Baton Rouge, LA @ Varsity Theater
9/3: Mobile, AL @ Soul Kitchen
9/4: Birmingham, AL @ Iron City
9/5: New Albany, IN @ Rustic Frog – Befuddled Fest
9/6: Winston-Salem, NC @ Ziggys
9/8: Wilmington, NC @ Ziggys By the Sea
9/9: Jacksonville, FL @ Freebird Live
9/10: Chattanooga, TN @ Track 29
9/11: Sauget, IL @ Pop’s
9/14: Poughkeepsie, NY @ The Chance
9/15: So. Burlington, VT @ Higher Ground
9/16: Reading, PA @ Reverb
9/17: Huntington, NY @ The Paramount
9/18: Rochester, NY @ Water Street Music Hall