It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.
Here they are: the top traffic-generating posts of 2016 on MetalSucks. If you don’t like these stories, you should have clicked on different ones, dummies.
This Would Make Zakk Wylde Proud: A Rob Scallon Song Composed Entirely of Pinched Harmonics
Wayne Static’s Widow Tera Wray Found Dead at 33 Years Old
Fenriz from Darkthrone Accidentally Got Elected to His Town Council
As I Lay Dying’s Tim Lambesis Suing Prison Medical Team for $35 Million Because He Has Moobs Now
What Will Happen When a Member of Metallica Dies?
Bring Me the Horizon Frontman Oli Sykes Destroys Coldplay’s Table at NME Awards
Nick Jonas Infuriated Guitar Nerds Everywhere with This Shitty Solo
The Big Short: The Most Metal Movie of 2015?
Exclusive: Read the Entire Contract Mustaine Management Offered Havok
Rumor: Axl Rose Will Replace Brian Johnson in AC/DC
Ozzy Osbourne is Missing
Fan Who Got Chewed Out for Texting at a Disturbed Show Makes it Official: David Draiman is an Asshole
This Video of Ghost Being Interviewed on the Red Carpet at The Grammys is Hilarious
Video: This is What a Dream Theater Soundcheck Looks Like
Todd Jones from Nails is a Scene Bully
Here’s How Kirk Hammett Pissed Off the Entire Musical Instruments Industry
Members of Iranian Band Jailed, Could Be Executed for Playing Metal
Bad Religion Guitarist Calls Out Bring Me the Horizon Over Douchey Backstage Warning
This Video of Ghost Winning Their GRAMMY is Hilarious
Why Thy Art is Murder Should Be Making Much More Money, Written by a Metal Band Manager
Guns N’ Roses is Now the Twelfth Largest Economy in the World
Jack Daniels Releases Single Barrel Whiskey in Honor of Motörhead
Editorial: The Metal Community Must Stop Letting Phil Anselmo Off the Hook for His Racist Remarks
Video: Machine Head’s Robb Flynn Responds to Phil Anselmo Racism Accusations
Thirty of the Worst Heavy Metal Album Covers of All Time