My First Metallica Show


It all starts off in the lot when me and my boys are in a circle poundin’ Busch Lights while were blastin’ Eye Of The Beholder from my new Jeep Grand Cherokee. Ya my Jeep is white and i know it gets dirty easily but fuck it, the bitches love that shit. As we pass around our fat fucking bottle of Absolute Strawberry, we just scope out hotties while we try to ward off all other loser Chads, as the bitches flock to my Jeep like a fucking watering hole in the desert. SLUTS. Me and my Bro’s don’t even head in until the 3rd song. As we walk in I stick in a fatty dip of grizzly bear and simultaneously smoke a cig and drink the rest of my warm Busch light. So were in the show. We start just pushing our way to the front. Lights. Kirk. Danish dude on drums. Jesus on Bass SLUTS. By this point every song sounds just the fucking same as the other one. But I know Kirk is fuggin killin’ it anyways. I grab this girl next to me and we makeout for a solid 15min during Motorbreath. I finally push that bitch off and low and behold some other slut starts grabbin my ass. After that I head to the bathroom with my bros and wait in line for 20 mins. We head back to our spot and some jackass is standing there. I’m about to bust his ugly Ted Danson lookin’ face in, but before I can he whips out a joint and offers me and my crew to smoke up. He tells me he’s there watching his daughter and her friends that are all in high school. Next thing I know I wake up in my Jeep with my dick hanging out of my zipper. Now this has happened to me before so it doesn’t even phase me. I just pop in Kill Em All and fucking cruise home.

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