Listen to Mastodon in Honor of Thomas Jefferson’s 274th Birthday

  • Axl Rosenberg

In addition to being the slowest news day ever, today is Thomas Jefferson’s 274th birthday! The dude has aged well: he does not look a day over decomposed beyond recognition.

Say, speaking of Thomas Jefferson… did you know he loved mastodons? It’s true! From Atlas Obscura:

“For most of his life, Thomas Jefferson was obsessed with mammoths. (More correctly, he was obsessed with American mastodons, tree-chewing cousins of mammoths that lived in the Northern part of the continent—but at the time, he and the rest of the world thought they were mammoths.) He liked theorizing about mammoths, he liked talking about mammoths, he liked making his friends rack up exorbitant postage bills in order to mail him mammoth teeth.”

This being the case, it seems to me that everyone should spend the day listening to lots and lots of Mastodon. It’s the patriotic thing to do. As Jefferson himself once said, “I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences of attending too much Mastodon than those attending too small a degree of it.” There’s a reason they put this man on Mount Rushmore.

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