Kerry King Wishes He Looked Like His Figurine in This New Slayer Set

Listen, ex-Slayer guitarist Kerry King — I know what it’s like wanting to relive your younger years. I get it, really. But what’s going on in the design of these Slayer figurines from KnuckleBonz is a little extreme on the wishful thinking.

These newly announced limited-edition statues featuring the three consistent members of Slayer (Tom Araya, Jeff Hanneman, and King) are pretty cool looking, but I just can’t stop looking at the tattooed guitarist because of how… off… it looks.

According to KnuckleBonz, the statues were based on the band’s look in the early to mid-90s, which it seems like they nailed given the fact that King didn’t get that Raiders jersey until 1994. Yet when you compare King’s model to that of Hanneman’s, the proportions are a bit off. After all, Hanneman stood almost six feet tall while King is 5’6″. Not only that, but by the mid-90s King had some more mass on his body than the figure lets on. As a short king with some extra love on the mid-section, I say you should embrace it, my guy!

To that end, the company said the band helped choose the era and had final say on the design.

“When we begin design of a new statue set, we hit up the band with our ideas and general era we would like to create. In this case we wanted to go earlier with Slayer, as our last set had them later in their career when Jeff was still with the band. We settled on this early to mid-’90s era. The band did not want to back any further for this set.”

Regardless of my criticisms, the officially licensed statues are hand-cast and painted, so maybe we chalk the inaccuracies up to a little bit of artistic license being used. Each one comes individually numbered with a certificate of authenticity on the base. Which is great because only 3,000 of them will be made, so time is of the essence if you want one.

As for where the band’s drummer(s) could be, KnuckleBonz also chimed in, saying the band opted to not include any drummers, so you won’t find a Dave Lombardo, Jon Dette, or Paul Bostaph figure.

“As an officially licensed product with Slayer, they dictate what lineup they want us to create. We don’t have any creative license here. The band lineup is what the band says it is…that’s always the final word.”

You can pre-order your unrealistic Slayer figurines now on KnuckleBonz’s website. Hurry, before they also retire forever.