Editorials

If I Read One More Thing About Arcade Fire I Am Going To Puke

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Arcade FireMost horribly overrated band. EVER. Ugh. This shit makes me sick. It’s not so much the music that makes me cringe; while the music definitely isn’t my thing and I definitely don’t like it, it’s at least tolerable. Horribly average and bloated, yes; bad, no. Instead it’s the fans and the press this band (undeservedly) gets that makes my stomach turn. Call it the “Dave Matthews Syndrome.” Dave Matthews’ music itself was never bad — in fact, the dude is quite a talented player and so is his band. Rather it was the whole SCENE around Dave Matthews that makes him excrutiating for me to even think about; I wouldn’t be caught dead amongst the preppy pretend-hippies who know NOTHING about music that attend Matthews’ concerts. Same goes for Arcade Fire; their whole audience just strikes me as terribly insincere, scenester kids whose musical knowledge doesn’t extend too far beyond their stylish thick-rimmed glasses.

I have an idea. I’m going to start a band with 10 members. I’m going to be anti-industry by setting up a recording studio in an unconventional location (even though this is completely unoriginal and tons of bands on major labels have already done this). I’ll record with such instruments as a dobro, hurdy-gurdy, glockenspiel, accordion, and giant Asian cymbals so people will perceive me as experimental. Then I’ll make an intentionally lo-fi sub-par sounding recording with the band and I’ll sing out of key in the whiniest, most contrived Whiny McWhine voice I can possibly muster. Maybe then I’ll be as cool as The Arcade Fire.

I just don’t get it. The Arcade Fire’s musicianship: average. Songs: average. Production: Below average. Press: through the fucking roof. What’s the deal?

Someone please pass the Pepto-Bismal.

-VN

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