VH1 CASTING NEW SEASON OF ROCK OF LOVE WITH BRET MICHAELS; METALSUCKS CASTING INAUGURAL SEASON OF COCK OF LOVE WITH AXL AND VINCE
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008 at 4:13pm by Axl Rosenberg
According to a press release that just arrived at the MetalSucks Mansion, VH1 is looking for “beautiful babes” (which would be a step up from past seasons) for a third edition of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. But why would any woman in her right mind wanna be on that show? Obviously you’re not really gonna make Bret Michaels fall in love with you, if the first two seasons are any indication.
So, instead, we propose that all women looking to degrade themselves and/or hang out with Z list “celebrities” audition for Cock of Love with Axl and Vince. Like Rock of Love, this will be a reality show in which a few dozen slutty strippers/porn stars/single mothers/crack addicts compete for the affections of a man (or, in this case, men); unlike Rock of Love, we’ll just dispense with the ridiculousness of pretending that mud football or talent contests actually have anything to do with love and just get right into the nitty gritty of it: our contestants will be judged solely based on their ability to provide a wide range of horrific, scar-you-for life sexual acts, including but not limited to Chinese fingercuffs, donkey punches, Houdinis, attending concerts performed by NYC’s infamous death/grind masters Lake Bukkake, and, of course, our mutual favorite, The Messy Matzoh (think “Ookie Cookie,” but Jewier). The show won’t be on VH1 but we’re fairly certain we could get the dudes from Metal Injection to film it all for us.
Interested parties should write their phone number on the wall of their local men’s room and wait to be contacted.
-AR
We are 100% on-board for this project!
I’m assuming said cocks are “cut”….
I work at Oak Park Mall in Kansas and down the hall form my store, Sam from Season 1 works there, but she is keeping it a secret so people won’t bug her.
Okay, I could really care less, but if I remember correctly from a previous post here on metalsucks, wasn’t rock of love 3 supposed to feature Richi Sambora or some shit?
I assure you I will not be watching this television show, but I will be providing online marketing needs pro bono.
A Houdini? That one is new to me. Dare I even google this monstrosity?
I saw part of Rock of Love once. 5 seconds in I threw up. When will douchbags like Motley Crue and Poison just do us all a favor and die? That would at least provide VH1 with a weeks worth of crappy tributes then we can all move on. If you want to get it on with Brett Michels or watch him do so, you have issues I can’t help you with.
check out urban dictionary for the houdini definition…funny stuff.
These all seem like excessively violent sexual acts. Why would you want to scare selected women for life? This post will effectively alienate your already very low female readership.
haha, We’ll send some Nonelouder branded thongs your way for the strippers… not so much the crackheads, haha.