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COMPETE IN THE SLAYER OLYMPICS, WIN A PERSONALLY DEDICATED AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF D.X. FERRIS’ 33 1/3: REIGN IN BLOOD!!! (RE-POST)

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008 at 4:10pm by

THERE’S STILL TIME TO ENTER THIS AWESOME CONTEST!!!

We’ve been talking up D.X. Ferris’ contribution to the 33 1/3 book series, on Slayer’s seminal album Reign in Blood, for some time now. Packed full of detailed analysis of the record as well as exclusive interviews with the band, producer Rick Rubin, engineer Andy Wallace, cover artist Larry Carroll, and a shitload of other cool people (Gene Hoglan, Paul Romano, Tori Amos, and Henry Rollins, just to name a few), this book is a thrash fan’s wet dream.

If for some reason you still haven’t bought a copy, here’s your chance to remedy that: MetalSucks, in association with author D.X. Ferris, is holding the Slayer Olympics. There are three events, with one winner to be named in each event; each winner gets a personally dedicated autographed copy of the book. Pretty friggin’ sweet, right?

So here are the events:

  • EVENT #1: BEST ALTERNATE LYRIC FOR A SLAYER SONG. This is pretty straight-forward: take any Slayer lyric and change it to make it funny.
  • EVENT #2: BEST GRAMMATICAL ERROR IN A SLAYER LYRIC. ‘Cause while the dudes in Slayer are metal gods, they’re not exactly A+ English students. Ferris will be checking this event personally, so, in his words, “You’re fuckin’ fooling yourselves if you think you can bluff your way through this.” You need to find legitimate grammatical errors AND be able to explain said error.
  • EVENT #3: GNARLIEST PICTURE OF YOURSELF WITH A MEMBER OF SLAYER OR SLAYER MERCH. If you have a crazy photo of yourself giving Kerry King bunny ears or your girlfriend posing naked with a Seasons in the Abyss skateboard deck, here’s your chance to put it to good use and let it win you some cool shit.

All you have to do to win is submit your entry to any of the above categories in our comments section below. If you’re entering Event #3, you can either post a link to the photo or e-mail it to us at news [at] metalsucks.net. And like we said, Ferris himself will be helping us judge, so no dicking around! And if you’re not convinced that this awesome book is worth your effort, check out our interview with Ferris right here. Dude knows his shit and then some.

Good luck, and… SSSSSSSSSLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!

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  • http://www.slayer4me.com satanic catfood

    Still standing by my contribution to Event 1…

    Dumbass buddy of mine screaming On and On Captain Heaven as Slayer opened up for Judas Priest back in 88.

    ON AND ON BOOK WINNING!

    Come on…. its a classic show of the classic idiot we see at many a show!

  • Rui

    Event #2
    I don’t think that Tom makes many errors (contrary to hints in the MS site). Most things that I reacted to initially were actually Ok in a second read, in the context of artistic prose… but there at least one grammatical error:

    Song: Angel Of Death
    “Monarch to the kingdom of the dead” whereas the correct usage is
    “Monarch of the kingdom of the dead”

    Nouns like ‘father’, ‘owner’, ‘king’, ‘monarch’ can combine with another noun, as long as there is a preposition “of” in between:

    “The father OF lies”, “The sisters OF mercy”, “The owner OF the book”, etc.
    but not “The father TO lies”, “The sisters TO mercy”, “The owner TO the book”…

    More technically, relational nouns like “monarch” combine with *possessive* prepositional phrases.

    More evidence comes from statistics. If you google for “monarch to” (quotes included) then you find 262,000 occurrences most of which are false hits (very different examples, where “to” is interpreted differently like “There is no provision for a monarch to abdicate”) BUT if you google for “monarch of” (quotes included) then you get 3,830,000 (most of which seem to be exactly the kind of usage that is intended…)

  • Aaron D.

    Event 2: Lyrics from Piece By Piece:

    “I’ll send you to your maker
    Confront the God you seek”

    The word god is not a proper noun in this context and therefore should not be capitalized.

  • Aaron D.

    Event 2: Lyrics from Read Between The Lines

    “They claim your trip to heavens nearby,
    You may believe it but satan wouldn’t lie”

    I suspect that the intention was a contraction of Heaven and is, which would be Heaven’s nearby, not Heavens nearby. If this is the case, in addition to the missing apostrophe, Heaven should be capitalized, as it would be a proper noun. Satan should also be capitalized, as it is a proper noun.

    There are several other lyrics in various songs where it appears that the intention was to perform a contraction of a noun and the word is, however an apostrophe is not used.

  • Aaron D.

    Event 2: Lyrics from South of Heaven

    “The never ending search for a truth never told
    The loss of all hope and your dignity”

    “never ending” should be hyphenated, as it is intended to be a single adjective describing the search for a truth never told.

  • fistopain

    (I know it’s only suppose to be one lyric but once I did one, I wanted to do more)

    Event #1

    Altar Of Sacrifice (to the dirty doc)

    Waiting the hour willing yourself to die,
    Here on the table of hell.
    A figure in white unknown by any man,
    Approaching the altar- a cold, hard table.
    The doctor approaches with a tool like a dagger in hand.
    OB GYN can be such a funny thing to say.
    But satan laugh’s while you’re spread eagle and guards are down.
    Sweat gathers on your brow as you follow her every command.

    You want death to come easy just close your eyes -
    Dream of pulling your panties up and closing your legs.
    Shoving her cold hands off your breasts while she feels for lumps.
    Kicking her in the face if she tries to make eye contact with you again.

    Altar of sacrifice, curse of the damned.
    Confronting the evil you dread.
    Why as a woman must I go through this once a year?
    Why couldn’t this be my boyfriend Ted?

    (Altar of sacrifice, curse of the damned.
    Confronting the evil you dread.
    Why as a woman must I go through this once a year?
    Why couldn’t this be my boyfriend Ted?)

    Enter to the realm of the dirty doctor!

    Blood turning black, after the cervix is scraped.
    Feeling the hatred for Adam and Eve rise inside- damn “the curse”.
    Flesh starts to burn from this humiliation.
    Eyes trained on the clock ahead down to my feet in those stirrups.
    Transforming of five toes to two.
    Learn the sacred words of me- I hate my life!

    A gift of birth control is disposed upon you.
    Use them when you feel the need.
    Master the forces and powers of the Nuva Ring.
    Controlling the creature’s that would like to be born.
    To my disappointment the doctor snags my gaze again.
    She tells me to learn to resist temptation before leaving the room.
    I feel used and dirty after this visit and in need of a scalding shower.
    Endlessly searching for salvation before next years exam.

  • Aaron D.

    Event 2: Lyrics from Seasons In The Abyss

    “Razors edge
    Outlines the dead”

    The singular possessive form of razor (razor’s) should be used to indicate ownership of the edge.

  • Aaron D.

    Event 2: Lyrics from Scrum

    “Full contact why I live and breathe
    Side stepping all the human debris”

    Sidestepping is a single word. Alternatively, it could be hyphenated, but using two separate words is incorrect, as it is a single action.

  • Aaron D.

    Event 2: Lyrics from Eyes of the Insane

    “Panic attacks
    Death raising it’s ugly face at me!”

    it’s is always a contraction for “it is.” The possessive form of it is “its,” which should have been used.

  • hazardofholland

    contest one song criminaly insane
    remix sexually insane
    Pussy will cum and I wont swallow
    For my semen cum tomorrow
    Fuck her fast her ass is hollow
    On my tail ill make you swallow
    Condoms for the sexually insane
    The rough sex with your wife I cant refrain
    The grass is smoke has led me to say
    I love anal sex every day
    Condoms for the sexually insane
    Hide the sausage is a fun game
    Soon to be ill cum with out a trace
    Rough kinky sex with the entire human race
    Dripping in membrane
    Marked sexually insane
    Fucked all day and left sore with pain
    Masturbate all day but it’s so fun
    I have only just begun
    To fuck your fuckin wife