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Cinemetal

EURONYMOUS TAKES HIS REVENGE FROM THE BEYOND, CASTS WOMAN AS VARG VIKERNES IN BLACK METAL MOVIE

 Thursday, May 21st, 2009 at 1:00pm by

So. Blabbermouth tells me that a) they are adapting the entertaining book Lords of Chaos, about the history of black metal, into a movie, and b) some kid I’ve never heard of, Jackson Rathbone, is going to play Varg Vikernes. And people are apparently really, really upset about this bit of casting, either because Rathbone is a “teen hearthrob” who was in Twilight (or How Stupid Mormon Vampire Books for Little Kids Taught me to Save Myself for Marriage), or because he’s prettier than most girls you see at a metal show and they don’t know how to deal with that tingly feeling in their penis.

http://www.mtv.com/movies/photos/t/twilight_premiere_081117/jackson_rathbone.jpghttp://twilightbuzz.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/jackson-rathbone.jpg

Personally, I’m not really offended, because, y’know, the movies never get these things right. Dakota Fanning is going to play one of The Runaways, MTV wanted Ashton Kutcher to play Tommy Lee in The Dirt movie, and someone cast a vagina in the role of Johnny Cash a few years back, so bad casting decisions are nothing new. In fact, the last time I can remember anyone doing a decent job with one of these kinds of movies was when Gary Oldman played Sid Vicious, and if you believe Johnny Lyndon, that movie was all horse crap, too.

In other news, somewhere Euronymous is laughing his ass off.

-AR

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  • Selaphiel

    This is probably a good chance to mention that a black guy (Jamie Foxx? Can’t recall as of the moment) might be cast to play Frank Sinatra in his biopic.

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      That’s alright, I hear Sean Penn is playing Martin Luther King, Jr.

      • http://www.myspace.com/ihopeyourot Dave

        I heard William Hung was cast to play Elvis

      • bob fossil

        It’s actually Michael Richards!

        • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

          It’s coming out the same day as the movie with Jerry Seinfeld as Buddy Holly, The Soup Nazi as Richie Valens, and Wayne Knight as the Big Bopper.

    • Cougar Party

      Actually, that was found out to be a hoax. Turns out it was just some dumb rumor.

  • Stolas Trephinator

    To be fair, Varg was kind of a fair-faced dude. Part of the hilarity that was Varg was how hard this cutie-pie was trying to seem (and geez, I guess he showed us, huh?).

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    They only did this to get Gaahl’s approval

    • http://heavyblogisheavy.wordpress.com/ Jimmy

      Sick burn

  • Senior Swanky

    I cant wait to see who Big Willy will play?

  • crush1214

    Well the person who casted the vagina as Johnny Cash was Johnny Cash himself. And we all know Varg was a heartthrob in Norway so why not cast someone who takes a load in the mouth like Gaahl.

  • Nikki

    Im actually interested to see how this is gonna turn out. Apparently Sion Sono is directing and his movies are quite disturbing.

  • Sammy

    That chick is hot.

  • taog36

    i don’t know how to deal with this tingly feeling in my penis!

  • http://www.roxwel.com Pick-Axe Bobby

    Wow. This is gonna be hilarious. BTW, I have to take issue with Joaquin as Cash. I thought he did a pretty rad job in that flick. Then again, I’m a huge pussy.

    • http://www.metalsucks.net DeaThrash

      I agree with the pussy, Joaquin did an awesome job as Johnny Cash.

  • THE CARL

    As long as the movie is done right, I think this casting decision is brilliant. You have a guy who has this career making underage girls puters wet and will draw all them in to learn about the greatness of black metal.

    Its almost diabolical!

    • metalguy

      i might be able to make my girlfriend come see this with me, just cuz of this douche. how sick would that be

      • Strapping Young Lad

        that would be awesome. This movie should be pretty cool. And lets be honest… we’re all just jealous because this guy’s way prettier than we are.

  • DecrystallizingReason

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Maybe now Vinnie Paul can take revenge by casting Justin Timberlake as Phil in a Pantera biopic.

    • http://www.myspace.com/437666934 Noel

      ooooooooooohh shit.! nice one.

  • Brock

    To be honest, I could see it. Varg isn’t exactly metal looking. Also, Mayhem sucks.

    • http://www.last.fm/user/mutiilator Brandon

      Fail and epic fail.

  • Rik

    A movie about the history of black metal? AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA. Okay I’m done.

  • Shinaain

    And that, people, is why it’s called Acting.

    Love and Rockets,
    Shinaain

  • Joe

    Damn, I was looking forward to this movie.

  • http://www.myspace.com/shadow_patton Patton

    Hmm as a counterweight they should get Sylvester Stallone to play Euronymous.

  • grymmbear

    So does this mean that Jack Black is Euronymous?

    • Shinaain

      Don’t tease me: That dude would totally nail it.

      No, really.

      Love and Rockets,
      Shinaain

  • TurdFerguson

    I saw Jackson Rathbone in Big Stan. in that movie he played a long haired pussy who was scared of being raped in prison, so i don’t know why he’s being typecast again.

  • 20 eyes

    i think varg should do some more prison time on behalf of black metal.
    if ya get my drift.

    (and kill, whoever wants to cast this chick)

  • Malacoda

    God, I’m going to have to go to beat all the stupid females over the head who just go to see this actor.

  • http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/8345/outside21.jpg Revrant

    I see no issue with this, I can’t stand shit like Twilight but oddly enough many Black Metal musicians are unnaturally pretty for metal musicians, I blame Switzerland.

    But I always blame Switzerland.

    So I’m blaming Norway.

  • sidni

    why hasn’t anyone mentioned the hair and makeup that actors go through
    to do biopics?
    and plus just because he had a small part in twilight doesn’t mean shit
    kirsten stewart is fine as shit
    and she’s doing a joan jett biopic.
    so i think all these whining metal fans should just be glad
    that they’re making a fucking movie out of metal
    that wont be a disgrace to the genre (like Decline of Western Civilization Part 2, Some Kind of Monster, etc.)

  • phale

    according to wikipedia, varg got out of prison around the time this item was posted. i wonder if they will hire him as a consultant.

  • Apokalypsen

    Well I’m not okay with this. This is fucking silly. I don’t really care that the actor from Twilight is playing Varg, except for the inevitable flood of fat mallgoths who are going to claim that they like black metal now. My concern lies in the fact that Varg hates LOC. There are many quotes where he expresses this. They could have made a movie with actual facts, instead of misconstrued lies by some random journalists who wanted to make money.

  • Devon

    ya he’s not playing varg anymore

  • http://www.zlowtech.com/ High

    I hear Robert Pattinson is playing Dead.