FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN NEW CDs FROM GOATWHORE, BEHEMOTH AND VALKYRJA
Thursday, September 17th, 2009 at 5:00pm by Vince Neilstein
The entries for last week’s funny photo caption contest — for which the prizes were a copy of Every Time I Die’s new CD New Junk Aesthetic and a matching t-shirt — were spectacularly unfunny, for the most part. Here are a couple of the best entries. Despite the horribly un-PC nature of one of them… damn, that shit is gold!
\m/Eluveitie\m/ [for the second week in a row! congrats, dude]: “The boys’ pictures were spoiled as a sudden blackout rendered their dates – Lafonda, Laqueefa, Tonisha, and Lil Diamonique – invisible to the prom photographer’s lens.”
ohshitson: “the evolution of the metalsucks monkeys.”
This week we’ve got one killer package of three CDs from Metal Blade Records: Goatwhore’s Carving out the Eyes of God (MS review here), Behemoth’s Evangelion (endless MS praise bestowed here) and Valkyrja’s The Invocation of Demise (no MS review, but you can listen to the band here). Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, and they shall all be yours.
Is that Rob from MI on the right?
holy fuck that’s me (right) and my friend dave!!!
Na totally kidding….
What Jeff didnt understand is that when you point at a loser there are more fingers pointing back at a bigger loser.
Hey broski, rad church party. Dude, you like our hair? We were going for mullets, but couldn’t figure out what part to shave, so we just said screw it! Bobby’s hair just ate a nun, I saw it.
I’m not only the President of Hair Metal Club For Men I’m also a client…rock on!
thats good
Claudio Sanchez before his plastic surgery and his pal Dan, a laid off Mick Mars impersonator. Ironically neither of these men will ever be metal.
“Dude, after this wedding, I wanna show the bride my Whitesnake.”
“Dude! That’ll totally Slay ‘er!”
WIN!
nice one!
Right here.
Win win win!
While Axl and Vince have their backs turned, Justice Sotomayor eyes the churros and Hagrid spikes the punch bowl. What happens at the annual MS Christmas Party stays at the annual MS Christmas Party.
“Check out that Iron Maiden….Never mind thats a Motley Dude.”
“If he doesn’t admit that Mick Mars is actually Eddie I’m going to give this pussy the SHOCKER”
Do these hair extensions make me look fat?
Axl and Vince finally show the readers of Metalsucks their true faces.
YAY!!!!! I like this one.
Yup this one should win
It’s a little known fact that in it’s earliest incarnation the devil horns, now a popular hand gesture among heavy metal fans, was used to signify homosexual love between closeted partners.
Holy shit long lost chubby twin brothers of Erik Rutan and Tony Foresta!!!!!!!!!!!
So that’s not Tony Foresta??
Fuck. Beat me to it.
*The Metal Injection Christmas Party Circa 1991… Rob is embarrassed more & more every year…*
“GET YOUR CHRISTMAS METAL FIX!!! ON HAIR METAL INJECTION!!!”
we bring the metal… when mum lets us.
Dude, you remembered to set up the Vince Neil-tivity set right?
Nothing says metal like a double banded cereal box watch, red head band, and Motley Crue. At least he had the presence of mind to throw the horns…because thats not cliche. Am I right Attack Attack?
Holy crap, its the fat and the furriest.
Holy Fuck LOLZLMAOROTFLOLBRBG2GFBINYPDIRS
Would you like a side of epic with that win?
“Hey dude, after this party grab your kid Camero and lets go for a ride in your Camero!”
Dear Santa, Thanks for the rad hair and the wingman. Now I’ll finally get laid!!! I hope you like the picture. Dave.
C’mon guys! This cat has the funniest one by far.
When Tony Foresta is not touring, he just likes to kick back at home with his kid sister.
Each one of these guys has only one friend and she couldnt make it to the party.
On the set of “Three Metal Stooges”, Moe Lee Crue demonstrates the two pronged eye gouge on Larry Marcolin while Curly Kilmister lurks in the shadows.
Nyuk nyuk nyuk
“The bride of frankenstein and karate kid have really let themselves go.”
I’m never playing this game again, I really wanted that ETID package and you guys ruined my life!
Ladies and Gentleman,
We present to you Axl Rosenberg & Vince Neilstein un-buttplugged and with % 45 fewer fat chicks. Proving that anonymity is sometimes the right decision.
you never pick the funny ones. “like father, lack sun” was easily the best last time.
Guy on right: “Dude, this photo is classic!”
Guy on left: “No way dude, it’s epic!”
This went on, back and forth, for 12 hours with both of them coming to the conclusion that the photo was actually ‘core.
Daniel Larusso what happened?!
The house arrest bracelet on Captain Head Band’s wrist just goes to prove that getting drunk and diddling underage girls is the only thing Glam-Heads are good for.
“Who the fuck is Eddie? This shirt is a self portrait.”
The truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
guy on right thinking: “Yeah, oh yeah…fuckin’-A.
guy on left thinking: “i wonder if i can get Trudy to cover my shift at the gas station. Man…i can’t even remember the last time i got laid. i hate my life.”
guy on left: “I think i could hook this blow-drier up to a turbine engine. yeah. I should do that.”
Fat bitch in the corner looks hungry.
If not purely for it’s observation, this one should get a nod.
Despite fat jokes not being funny, this one made me giggle. Well executed.
The Cheese stands alone(because she ate everything else.)
1985 called…… they want their virgins back.
This one made me giggle.
ditto
Personal bodyguards of Dino Cazares
Stupid Red Headband? Check
Weird Bracelet You Picked Up At The Flea Market? Of Course
T-shirt From a Horrible Hair Metal Band? Definately
Unkempt hair and a glazed look in your eyes? yup
I know someone who is going to be alone this Christmas
At the Halloween party, the lady dressed as Judge Sotomayor notes: Did anyone tell those two out of shape fucks that Municipal Waste would never support a band like Motley Crue?
Rachel Dratch, showing how much she loves her boyfriend’s Iron Maiden shirt.
just because your music is awesome,doesn’t mean you are…
Please tell me your not implying that Motley Crue is good.
Snizzy “Snazz” Bullets and Sammy “Candynose” Twinskins of Snakes ‘n Barrels
Tony Foresta and Land Phil meet at Municipal Waste’s not-so-humble beginnings at the Staple’s company Christmas Party, circa ‘94. The rest is history.
Though the debate raged for hours on end and encompassed dozens of ensembles, Axl and Vince decided the only appropriate way to attend their high school reunion was to just be themselves.
win
“Beavis shut up! You’ve never been to Compton, you’re never gonna go to Compton, you’re gonna be here for the rest of your life, you’re stupid, you don’t have any money, and you’re never gonna score…”
Wayne’s World 2000
‘Cause nothing’s more badass than being feared as the tough guy with the red bandana at a (family Christmas) party.
Ms Jones struggled to figure out how to tell her sons that Heavy Metal Santa wasn’t real after they went through the trouble of decorating their basement apartment and posing for photos.
A+
The most metal Christmases always involve ridiculous hair and overweight women.
Fred Durst giving an aspiring fan lessons in douchebaggery. Step 1: Celebrate Christmas by metalizing your mother’s life.
this picture is absolutely ridiculous. everyone knows that motley crue fans can’t tell time.
Due to an unfortunate accident in “Wood Working 101″, Travis was always a bit self-conscious when he would order “four beers” at the bar.
There is absolutely nothing funny about this picture. There are no scene kids, juggalos, or Metallica members in it.
“Oh shit, i thought this was a halloween party. Where are we?”
METAL UP YER ASS, SANTA!!!
it should just say “FUCK YEAH”
If we look this awesome now, how much cooler will we be at our 10 year class reunion?
“Livin’the dream in our new pad in Queens”
-XOXO two random douchebags
P.S. Rock out wit yer cock out
I’m Makin’ You a Smooothie!!!
oooohhhhh!!! what flavor, baby?
jk please don’t answer that.
“-Vince! I told you not to post that pic!
-Chill out Axl, No one will know it’s us!”
Trying to act cool has never been cooler
“we’re two wild and crazy guys!”
Three words, Saber Tooth Tigers.
These shirts aren’t new… we just choose our detergents carefully.
Corpsegrinder before his neck grew into the majestic oak tree it is today.
win
The second wave of new thrash: We’re not even trying anymore!
The shorter brother tried to keep cool as for the 14th Christmas in a row he lost the who-has-the-longer-hair contest, again leaving the taller brother with the sole stocking.
After months of brainstorming Simon and Ross couldnt come up with one good idea for a halloween costume.Oh well maybe next year
Glory days revisited at the halfway home
Dude, I wish my wife had bitchin’ hair like yours! ….What? She right behind me? Dude, you think she heard me?
Awwww isn’t that nice they are holding hands!!!!!
The power of the horns!
“Dude your fingers smell” .. “I know, just don’t embarrass her she Is coming out of the room right now”
Bill and Ted make their return to the silver screen in their new adventure — “Bill and Ted’s Middle Aged Christmas Party 2009.” Featuring cameo appearances by Richard Simmons, Bobcat Goldthwait, and Woody Allen.
Winners of the 2009 gay anal sex cup.
Its Brian Fair before making his dreadlocks.
Not even our kids are as metal as us.
Santa’s sons were bound to get into metal living so far north and are always the life of the christmas party!
Brian figured out that the trick to making your hair metal wig not look like a wig was a well-placed bandana.
Evan did not.
Reminds me of Adrian Smith’s hair
“Hell yea bro, I got M&Ms in my stocking! I fuckin’ love M&Ms.”
Unlike most tribute bands, the members of Inbreed live up to their name.
Contrary to popular belief, it is neither the 1980’s nor is it christmas… The former glam-fans of yesteryear just live in a trailer park.
Its christmas at the O’Doyle’s, and all Aunt Diana wants is hair like her nephews.
This photo is sad. And i need the Behemoth Cd desperately. Would say they are close friends of mine if you give me the Behemoth cd.
Sal and Richard had they met in the 80s.
Christmas: the one time of year that fans of both spectacular and godawful metal can come together and share a common interest: spectacularly godawful hair.
Your amazing dude… and holy fuck that 8-ball was intense!
Axl Rosenburg and Vine Neilstein at the Metalsucks New Years Party.
turn a straight man gay
B’for I die, I’m gone fuck this little silk headband wearin’ muhfucker right here. But first…where’s the damn bean dip?
I guess you are what you wear.
Meet me under the mistletoe!
Dennis’ mother sighs to herself in the backgroud, wishing she’d had said no to that one night of tequila and spared both herself and her child from what he was to become.
“Wait, I don’t get it… If he’s the first of his kind, how can he be pregnant? Doesn’t he need a mate?”
Guy on the left, you’re cool. Guy on the right, you’re the reason Grunge happened.
Wow, Triple-H and Shawn Michaels really let themselves go.
Weak chins, wigs and reprinted tour shirts doth not a rocker make.
Little known fact: Meatloaf has taken up a job as Jeff Loomis’ stunt double. Apparently, hanging out with the douchebag on the right is a ’stunt’.
“dude, i got laid once… trust me… chicks dig headbands”
“sweet”
obviously shaneequa isn’t amused by the fact that daryll and jake raided her hair pieces while snooping around at the annual work christmas party.
Dan Lilker and Tommy Christ are captured here during their night out on the town.
Never did Eppiphonio and Hayden expect to aqcuire jobs as Metal t-shirt models after a seemingly insignificant photo of them at their “Jesus is a cunt” bash was tagged on facebook.
Shane Embury and Land Phil throwdown for the Earache Records Christmas Card picture.
Suck it Trebek!
“Dude I am so glad your grandma let us throw this party in her basement and damn have you seen the hotties here?!” said Pablo. “Yeah man, I just wish I remembered my headband!” said Ernie.
“Why are we dressed up like Municipal Waste , its not Halloween yet !”
“Santa brought us a bald black chick…Merry Fucking Christmas!”
Vince and Axl in 10 years…. Wait… This is from last year’s holiday party? Nevermind…
the lady in the back is more metal than those two d-bags
Is that two bald guys standing in front of mr and mrs Chewbacca?
“No Steve, you gotta raise your chin higher. See? It hides your double chin better”
There has never been a more metal duo at the company christmas party. I mean, seriously. I’ve neve seen anything more metal (except for the chick with the receding hairline in the back)
Headband rag: 99 cents
Stocking : 5 Dollars
Iron Maiden/Motley Crue shirts: 10 dollars
Pretending that you’re not at a Slayer concert but at your family christmas dinner: Priceless
Kanye West interrupts, ” Axel Rose and Vince Neil’s pictures where better!” Passes mic off and finishes getting “crunk”
That was the worst caption I have ever read in my life
I aim to please!
You succeed my friend! Keep up the good work
The bride and groom want to thank everybody that attended the reception.
In this picture we can clearly see the Geiko Caveman invents the first douche.
Mom looked down in utter disgust at her two sons that are in there mid 30’s and still live with her.
Cousin Itt finally decided to reveal his face, while Pugsley went for a glam look for last year’s Christmas party.
When she realized that he had taken her wig, it only took mere moments for his real hair to be even shorter than hers.
The founding members of Municipal Waste back when they were roadies for Motorhead
Before Municipal Waste made their name in the metal scene, and could afford decent instruments they had to play cover songs at bar mitzvah’s
Who knew receding hairlines, headbands, McDonald’s Happy Meal watches, and Christmas parties were so effin’ metal, dude?
Greatest Anvil cover band, EVER!!
Turning to religion as their last resort, hair metal fans pray the Second Coming of Christ can also resurrect their beloved genre.
hair metal lives on..
Please dude, i know this is a party, but take your finger out of my ass
funniest thing is that this picture of vince and axl was taken just a few months ago
Though they were forced to go to the accursed Catholic Church by their mother/landlord, Jeff and Gary decided that they might as well make Sunday School as metal as possible.
“All I want for Christmas is to be casted as an extra in Wayne’s World 3″
“All I want for Christmas is my 2 missing fingers.”
“Dude, I thought you said there were gonna be high-school girls here.”
“DUDE! there will be! My sister’s on her way, now shut up and pose!”
“Dude! This party is AWESOME! Break out the Schnapps!”
“Dude! I thought you brought the Schnapps!”
“DUDE!”
“Dude, I don’t wanna sound queer or nothin’, but I’d blow Bruce Dickenson.”
“word”
Hey I was told there’d be hot chicks man.
Just turn around!
the motley crue loving, slightly more feminine of the 2 surely must play the bitch in the relationship..thank god the controlling grip on his cock is out of frame.
Every Christmas, Axl and Vince show up to ruin a random family’s Christmas dinner. Last year they burned my house down with a menorah and crucified my dad. They used their circumsized penises to have their way with me, and ended the magical night by carving “Slayer” in Hebrew onto each of our asses. Santa ain’t got nothin’ on you guys.
We’re so metal we shit mullets.
We only bought these shirts cause we have the same hairstyles as the people on our shirts.
after kicking the drug habit jason newsted and andrew w.k. make a comeback recovery.
The real reason Metallica’s debut album wasn’t called “Metal Up Your Ass” was Lars actually wanted the full title to read “Metal Up Your Ass And Pussy At The Same Time.”
SHIT DUDE, IRON MAIDEN!
My comments aren’t very funny, but wow dude, there’s some really terrible captions on here. Almost makes me ashamed to be a metalhead.
This is what i get for wanting to try those volcano tacos. Feels like I’m being sodomized by Achmed The Undead terrorist..