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Music Dorkery

THE TOP 6 MOST BRUTAL MACHINE GUN RIFFS EVARRR! (OR OF THE PAST 5 YEARS, AS IT WERE)

 Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 at 11:30am by

What exactly constitutes a “machine gun riff”? Rapid chugging? ‘Cause a couple of these just sound like breakdowns to me. Whatever it is, Jeffrey Nordin not only claims to know but claims to have the definitive list of the top 6 such riffs EVARRR. Explains Nordin via email: “Unlike the other myriad attempts at YouTube humor, this one is dry and witty and has one other gross advantage: It is factually accurate, because this is not just some random opinion, but my opinion which is demonstrably factual.” Well, let’s see about that.

Not a bad list! But oh hey dude, while I agree with your inclusion of “Remembrance” here, the band’s name is pronounced Go-JEE-rah, not Go-JIE-ra. Rhymes with pEnis, not vagIna. And as for your #1 most brutal machine gun riff of all time… so fucking br00tal dude! Great pick.

And I’m all the smarter for having watched this video: I now know what an “autodidact” is.

-VN

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  • Natalie

    Go-JIE-ra sounds like gyrate. ew.

  • fasshole

    Spheres of Madness > Everything.

    Also, the way he pronounces Gojira makes it sound like a vaginal disease.

    • builtforsin

      Fact

      • iolanach

        indeed

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    No Lamb Of God off of ‘As The Palaces Burn’? There’s a few riffs he could’ve used… “11th Hour” comes to mind at the moment, but there were quite a few.

    • SourDeez

      I was thinking pretty much anything from New American Gospel. The drum sound, while technically shitty, really sounds like a machine gun. Randy Blythe even did the “machine gun” thing onstage, I don’t know if he still does, it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. But if someone asked me to describe early Lamb of God I would have two words for them…machine gun.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

    nice hat

  • Kuranes

    If there is such a thing as a “machine gun riff” then the end of Opeth’s “Deliverance” deserves to be on this list.

    • BigJordowski

      stole the thought out of my head dude, that riff is the definition of epic

    • http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027/ Kyle

      hell fuckin’ yeah!

  • Axolotl

    Does it really rhyme with penis Vince? Someone’s subconsciously trying to come out of the closet…

    • Kuranes

      Also, Vince is not taking into account those of us who pronounce penis as “pie-nis” anyway.

      • Double D

        HAHAHAHA!

  • http://www.smnnews.com big_metal_al

    Howdy partner, pretty good list. Take out Children Of Bodom, add Lamb Of God’s “Bootscraper”, then bump up “Spheres Of Madness” and that what it do!

  • Tanner

    Fury Within by Hate Eternal. Invisible Control by Decapitated. Combustion Inferno by Krisiun. All those bring machine gun thoughts into my head

  • Hot Carl

    Glad I watched a pedophile tell me about machine gun riffs and end with a terrible joke. Awesome.

  • http://lordsofmetal.nl/index.php?lang=en Cavorka

    What’s with the gay hat?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    This list sucked. Except for Gojira.
    My own list would probably be something like:

    6. Meshuggah – Future Breed Machine
    5. Dethklok – Murmaider (it’s like a burst-fire machinegun)
    4. Dawn Of Demise – Impurity (heavy as fuck at around 1:30. More like machinecannon)
    3. Rebel Meets Rebel – Nothing To Lose (the whole friggin’ song is a machinegun riff)
    2. Lamb Of God – 11th Hour
    1. The Darkness – I Believe In A Thing Called Love

    tr00 story.

    • demonstrator

      Props to Kasper

    • fasshole

      +1 for Dawn of Demise, just checked that out. But still, “Spheres” stands head and shoulders over every “machinegun” riff, it’s flawless.

      • demonstrator

        yeah -spheres deserves to be there. but so does the outro riff to NMCC on chaosphere.

  • demonstrator

    Um, how does Meshuggah not even make this list?

    • tyler09

      exactly lol

      • timmah

        bleed perhaps? come on.

    • vegetarian

      i say new millenium cyanide christ, or like that other guy said future breed machine

      • Beereded

        Futile Bread Machine?

  • Tom

    How long til Dino Cazares (self proclaimed inventor of the machine gun riff) tries to sue this guy for neither Fear Factory nor Divine Heresy making his list?

  • braincake

    meshugga’s bleed tops all of those.

    • klinger

      agreed

  • eric

    aw, he didn’t even mention “If you want to blame us for something wrong please abuse this song” by War From a Harlots Mouth

    I mean there is even a machine gun noise in the background!

    • Malacoda

      +1. Good call.

      • Beereded

        Yes, or Empty Shell by Into The Moat.

  • dicknballs

    I don’t care for his hat nor Children of Bodom

  • Michiel

    First place should’ve gone to the intro to One. I mean, it’s in the title.

  • http://Raiseyerfists.wordpress.com Raiseyerfists

    Good list, but having a hard time taking him seriously in those awful hipster getups.

  • NoNameNoSlogan

    meh, that list could have better and longer…and what’s with the fucking hat?

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t BrutalJay

    This dude seems pretty smart… I’d hang out with him if given the chance.

  • B-dizzle

    Children of Bodom is terrible, therefore, this is not factual

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Ryan/596440962 Jake Ryan

    best machine gun riff ever: ‘If You Want to Blame Us for Something Wrong, Please Abuse This Song’ by War from a Harlots Mouth. get it…cuz theres a machine gun in the end…

  • dude i know metal

    lol. Its comedy!

  • klinger

    gojira dosn’t rhyme with penis at all
    also if i had it my way five of the top six best machine gun riffs would all be mushugga songs and number one would be blood witch by the melvins

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harrington-Neil-Sauer/677600672 Harrington Neil Sauer

    breakdowns are everything thats wrong with btbam, especially the generic as hell one from autodidact

  • Malacoda

    This is retarded.
    1. Br00tal was spelled with one 0.
    2. Those really aren’t that machine-gunny, excluding “Remembrance”
    3. Too high talking:music ratio.

  • AllSploogedOut

    Learning to Live made me happy!

  • 20 eyes

    the combine by acacia strain

  • ZERGERER

    I laughed a lot when he mentioned Learning To Live by Dream Theater. Great song, however! Really though I thought the majority of the list was a bit off the mark. Top candidates for me would have been the chorus of “Corporate Cloning” by Fear Factory, the outro of Deliverance by Opeth (how could that not be in the top 5), and the up-tempo post-bridge section of “Just One Fix” by Ministry. Arguments anyone on those? Additions are fine. He is right though a machine gun riff can’t be just palm muting or a breakdown, it has to be the style and delivery.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Troy-Rickard/1516566408 Troy Rickard

    First time I’ve come across Sybreed, but that sounded pretty badass. Must check them out.

  • hahahah

    lol fuckng jew

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yianni-Kordos/771084074 Yianni Kordos

    Damn, I saw Gojira and thought he woulda gone with Backbone, but I guess thats not as machine-gunny as it could have been.

  • Jake

    Ummm…. Did anyone mention “One” by Metallica? That to me is what a machine gun riff is, not groove breakdowns like this dude rated. Oh well, kudos on the Decapitated nod anyway.

  • Jake

    I forgot to clairify. The riff that goes behind the lyrics “darkness, imprisoning me, all that I see, absolute horror, etc”

  • The Ghost of D. Boon

    Aw that’s cute the guy thinks he’s Yahtzee haha

  • earthsherm

    this guy isn’t funny

  • HailTheNewFlesh

    I don’t think In Your Face should be fifth, though I agree with Bodom having that spot, except with the opening riff from “If You Want Peace…Prepare For War”

  • Kevin French

    I guess those mostly weren’t bad for breakdowns, but it doesn’t change the fact that 97% of breakdowns suck. And 100% suck out of context with the rest of the song.