The last few Ozzy tours have basically been a joke. Even if the guy had any moves left in his repetoire that weren’t just the frog stomp, yelling “GO FUCKING CRAZY!”, or spraying the audience down with a hose, and even if his voice wasn’t shot – Ozzy is an old man, and not in particularly great shape. It seems like he cancels at least one outta every four or five gigs, which I don’t think is entirely his fault – the dude is, by metal standards, as old as dirt, and Team Sharon schedules his dates really close together, as though Ozzy were a man half his age, and he just can’t handle it. I can’t tell you how many people I know who have attended Ozzfest the past few years only to find that Ozzy wasn’t even playing. It’s how namesake festival, for cryin’ out loud, and the dude can’t get it together to put on a show. If he really had retired following the “No More Tours” trek back in ’92 Ozzy might still be standing on a pedestal in our mind’s eye; instead he’s just another aging rock god pissing and shitting all over his legacy.

But The Metal Den is reporting that the Ozzman “plans to set out… on a massive 18 month world tour cycle” following the release of his upcoming album, the infuriatingly titled Trend Chasa Soul Sucka. And why not, I guess? It seems like old sentimentalists and curious young ‘uns alike are still willing to pay exorbitant ticket fees to see him play the classics. And if by some miracle Gus G. helps turn this into the first good Ozzy album since Steve Clark was alive, then a decent single would only propel ticket sales.

But don’t be sad if you buy your ticket and Ozzy doesn’t show up – ’cause we warned you. Just try not to buy that ticket through Ticket Bastard, so that when you get your refund, you don’t forfeit all the stupid fees.

-AR