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...And Fuck You Too

WELL THERE’S A SHOCKER: COLD’S SCOOTER WARD DOESN’T ACTUALLY LISTEN TO MUSIC

 Friday, January 29th, 2010 at 10:41am by

Scooter Ward, as photographed by Neil Zlozower.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, through some amazing technology created by the MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys, we are able to take you inside the brain of an intelligent person as they are subjected to a recording by Cold:

Holy shit… what is this garbage? Do people really like this? Seriously? There are people who like this. Of all the music in the world, this is what some people choose to listen to. Uh-huh. Are the people who made this drek aware that they’re doing such a shit job? Do the members of this band actually listen to music?

Well, as it turns, the answer is, “No.” No, they don’t actually listen to music. So says Noisecreep:

“I don’t listen to music,” Cold frontman Scooter Ward exclusively admits to Noisecreep via phone from a zoo in Florida. “I keep games on my iPod. I’ve never really told anybody that before, except for my girlfriend.”

Cold fans, relax. While Ward might not be burning up his credit card on iTunes, this doesn’t mean his love for music is waning. In fact, it’s just the opposite. He’s in a very prolific stage of his life right now, having just finished an album with his side project, the Killer and the Star, and putting the finishing touches on Cold’s upcoming release, ‘Epic.’

“I think the last two years, with being so busy and creating the Killer and the Star and making that record — then starting again with Cold, then the Killer and the Star tour …” Ward trails off, pondering the situation. “I think I locked myself out. I had so much music going around every day, I just kind of shut it off. I figure you gotta relax a minute.”

Well, there ya have it, folks. A man who loves music so much he never actually listens to any that he didn’t create. And Stephanie Meyer has admitted that she hasn’t read any famous vampire fiction, or any horror at all. Now if we could just get Michael Bay to admit that he actually hates movies, the world might make sense again.

While we wait for Mr. Bay to come out of the closet, I’d just like to make sure that you all remember this simple lesson: NEVER TRUST SOMEONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF “SCOOTER.” Only bad things will come of it.

-AR

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  • Mike

    This band is awful commercial drek, indeed, although they are far from being unique in this way.

  • Michelle

    I think you have it wrong… never buy drugs from anyone named Scooter.

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitearmsofathena Josh

    STUPID GIRL

  • John

    I guess that clarifies why he’s incapable of producing anything worth listening to.

  • msv81

    Ok, you promote the fuck out of bands like HIM (super gay), IWrestledABearOnce (worst fucking band in the universe), and The Binary Code (rehashed “technical” deathcore bullshit which you somehow deem awesome), yet you shit all over Cold by saying “Of all the music in the world, this is what some people choose to listen to?”

    Cold certainly is a radio friendly, mainstream band who don’t bring anything even remotely new to the table. But they’ve written a couple of pretty decent hard rock albums, albums that I would definitely listen to before any of the three aforementioned shit stain bands you guys cock blow on a daily basis.

    Granted, I love this site, I find you guys funny as hell and very entertaining; I also know it doesn’t matter whether we agree on band X, but it still boggles my mind when you guys shit all over a band who really doesn’t warrant it. This is probably making me out as a huge fan of Cold, which I am not. I do, however, enjoy some of their music as a guilty pleasure and I do strongly hold the opinion that you guys make certain total shit bands out to be the next coming of Slayer or Metallica.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rik-Powell/286400508 Rik Powell

      Agreed.

    • Dysenteric

      I share the same attitude towards this site as well sometimes.

      Come on, guys, IWABO and The Binary Code can’t be that good. Wait, they’re not good at all. And Attack Attack! are not the worst band ever.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-John-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason John Crispen

      HIM certainly do suck balls

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/CJ-Altman/1189620030 C.J. Altman

      Word.

      • DustintheWind

        You guys are crazy, at least HIM and IWABO have their own unique sound. Cold is fucking terrible, boring woe is me shit for fat white trash mid-westerners just like Staind, Evanesance, etc… Wow, now even i’m being an intolerant judging internet nerd, but i guess thats what Cold’s unbelievably bad “music” does to me, brings out the hate…

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rik-Powell/286400508 Rik Powell

          Okay, I suppose Cold are pretty awful. ‘Cause Staind and Evanescence are both way better than Cold.

        • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

          Seriously…FUCK YOU. You’re the 300000th person to say “At least bands X, Y and Z have their own unique sound.”

          No, THEY DON’T.

          Him is hack-assed goth rock. and IWABO is hack-assed “lets make an incoherent mash of a bunch of genres for the sake of irony and calling ourselves unique.”

          Fuck you and everything you’ve ever believed in.

    • person

      i agree, this website is run by a group of fucking posers! but i guess if they wanted to say anything good about music the website wouldnt be called METALSUCKS! should be called, lame ass indie scene kids that listen to bullshit to feel special about the musical tastes that they deem indie metal elite when in reality its bullshit childrens music branded as break trough metal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Gingras/691170904 Michael Gingras

    hahahahaha, yes!

  • bearbomb

    In my top 5 worst live bands ever. Absolutely dreadful.

  • Patrick

    I like to listen to Cold. But yeah, they aren’t too good live and his new singing style is pretty bad. I don’t have great hope for ‘Epic’ (stupid ass name by the way) but maybe it’ll be OK or will grow on me.

    My fav. Cold album is ‘A Different Kind Of Pain’.

    You CAN like metal bands and hard rock bands, and pop bands.

  • Sean Williams

    I’ve never heard Cold, but the comments about Stephanie Mayer and Micheal Bay made me laugh my ass off.

  • Genial Gentile

    Their most popular song was written by that dork from Weezer. ‘Nuff said.

    • Awful Offal Carnage

      That “dork from Weezer” happens to be pretty much a genius, as well a a fellow metalhead.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rik-Powell/286400508 Rik Powell

    Cold are okay… The Killer and the Star is fucking awful though.

  • Dysenteric

    I tried having games on my iPod once. The iPod is, quite simply, shit for games. Even Sonic the Hedgehog is hard to use on it, and all you do is run and jump.

    And yeah, anyone who chooses his own nickname (not in the sense of choosing your name for use on Internet forums and comment sections, mind) is indeed a douche.

    • Satch Armstrong

      …says the man who name translates to “Shits himself to death”

      • Dysenteric

        I knew someone was going to say that one day.

        It was more or less an arbitrary name I chose when I joined the forums on Teufel’s Tomb. In retrospect, I should have given it more thought. Sod it. It’s better than using “Scooter” as your first name.

  • SukMyBoomStik

    Wait a second. Stephanie Meyer has never read classic vampire literature and isn’t into horror? I never would have guessed… I hate that bitch so much.

  • isntaTOTALdouchebag10

    Dumb post. You can do better than making fun of his name can’t you? For the point in time where Cold was “relevant” they released some solid rock tunes.

  • Matt

    Cold : Korn/Deftones; Bush : Nirvana

  • Sammy

    While the nickname “Scooter” should be reserved for undersized, scrappy second basemen and not melancholy and angst-ridden singers, I like to listen to Cold when I’m in a melancholy, angst-ridden mood.

  • Wha?

    Scooter on the Muppets was certainly a trustworthy bloke..er, muppet.

    That said, not sure why this site insists on potshots at bands like Cold, Flyleaf, etc., etc. They are not metal, nor do they claim to be. Should not even warrant a mention here. I may not be a big fan of the music they create, but I respect that they do create their own art and not simply rely on others to produce their music, lyrics, image, etc.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Gates/14209777 Zach Gates

    It baffles me the bands this site will promote versus what they won’t.

    Cold isn’t amazing, but Scooter’s got a hell of a voice and “No One” still ranks amongst my favorite songs.

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

    I can’t believe people are surprised that he doesn’t listen to music, based upon the quality of his previous “musical” output.

  • Primateforever

    This thread affirmed my entire reason for reading anything on the site past the end of the original story. I love that folk decide to rally a cry against someones opinion of a mediocre hard rock band by decrying their admiration for another. Not to mention the fact that all your tirades in defense of Cold end up sounding like an outtake from Orgazmo.

  • Mr. Censored

    I think Scooter was saying that he was so tired of music after so much recording and touring that he had to stop listening to it for a while. If you actually read the Noisecreep article, you would have gotten that.

    Amazing how you guys always manage to misconstrue these things all in the name of writing an article about a band you claim to hate knowing that it will result in more hits to your site than the no-name bands that you constantly promote.

    Seriously guys, how long until you post another story on Five Finger Death Punch or Limp Bizkit? If you truly hate their music, you’re only helping to perpetuate their existence by posting about them ad nauseam.

    • Dysenteric

      They’ve got to fulfil their monthly quota of Attack Attack! posts, so they hardly get around to FFDP and Limp Bizkit. And they’ve probably said enough to guarantee AA! will put out at least one more album.

  • Jon

    This is a crock of shit. How exactly are Cold radiofriendly generic rock? Listen to ‘Cold’ and ’13 Ways To Bleed’ and then try selling me that shit you dumb cunt.

  • Tim

    You people are idiots, you first of all would have to have an IQ above 20 to understand what the lyrics mean in Cold’s songs. Seeing as how none of you do, it explains why you wouldn’t like their music.

    When you actually do something creative than come back and ridicule someone else who has.