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WHEN THERE’S NO MORE ROOM IN HELL, ZAKK WYLDE WILL WALK THE EARTH

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Ozzy’s injustices against Zakk Wylde are getting to be so heinous that I hear Mel Gibson is planning a revenge movie with himself starring as Zakk. Last July, Ozzy fired Zakk after twenty-one years of loyal service (not counting that brief period of time when Joe Holmes was in the band). And that’s Ozzy prerogative, of course – hell, it might have even been a good idea – except that Ozzy told the press Zakk was done before he told Zakk, and even after Zakk got the news secondhand, Ozzy was too pussy to call him.

Now Ozzy is trying to re-write history. Here’s a recent Ozzy Osbourne quote from an interview with Goldmine (via Blabbermouth):

“I don’t want anyone to think for one minute that I fired [Zakk Wylde]. I never fired him. He never left. There was nothing to leave. Because all he was doing was his gig and mine. It kind of got to us crashing into each other. But I had to let go, because it’s me rather than him.”

That statement makes no fucking sense on any level. For one thing, we all know that Zakk was fired – one day he was in the band, then one day he wasn’t, and it wasn’t his decision to leave, it was the decision of his employers. That’s the very definition of “fired.” You can use a more polite phrase, like “let go,” but, y’know. A rose by any other name still stinks like shit, or however that quote goes. (The statement also makes no sense because, well, almost nothing Ozzy says makes sense anymore. “He never left. There was nothing to leave.” Fuck does that mean? What the fuck do you even think you’re saying, Ozzy? Don’t try and and get all philosophical on us. It doesn’t suit you.)

Here’s another fun quote, from that same interview:

“I thought I was beginning to sound like, um … what’s his band called? Zakk’s band. My brain, it just started on the left side. Black Label Society. I started to sound like lack Label Society.”

Nice, Ozzy. Really nice.

And what has MetalSucks been saying this entire time? That Zakk’s best revenge would be to get his shit together and record a killer BLS album – an album that’s not just the same old guitar squeals and other Zakk clichés. An album that reminds us why we ever loved Zakk in the first place. An album that blows Ozzy’s Scream right the fuck out of the water. He’s allegedly sober now, he’s on a new label – this could be a real creative rebirth for Zakk, right?

Wrong. There’s a new BLS single, “Parade of the Dead,” and it sounds exactly like every fucking BLS song you’ve ever heard:

So, there ya have it, I guess. Ozzy isn’t going to pull a Mustaine and release his most awesome album in years, and neither is Zakk; and they’re both going to continue to act like crazy people. Oh well. At least we’ll all be entertained, even if it’s not in the manner we’d like.

Meanwhile, BLS are headlining a tour with Clutch, Children of Bodom, and 2Cents. Which is kind of a perfect tour, ’cause you can get there late and leave early!

-AR

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