Cinemetal

FRED DURST GOING FOR A HAT TRICK OF CINEMATIC BRILLIANCE

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I know what you’re thinking: “Two Limp Bizkit-related stories in as many days! What did we ever do to be so lucky?” What can I say? This entire week has felt like one long hangover.

So. Fred Durst’s feature film directorial debut, a would-be Sundance hit called The Education of Charlie Banks, was a barely-watchable piece of shit that failed to make so much as a dent in public awareness; his second film, the Ice Cube family sports drama The Longshots, tanked at the box office. But Durst gives great head (for dudes… he can’t find the clit so he’s pretty useless for women) and people are stupid, so he’s swindled someone into letting him make another movie. From Noisecreep:

“Durst is also directing his third feature film. The third film is dubbed ‘Pawn Shop Chronicles,’ and it follows a protagonist through a world of skinheads and meth heads thanks to a missing wedding ring. The film is slated to go into production early next year.”

So basically Freddy is now trying to convince everyone that he can be “edgy” after being “intellectual” and being “warm” didn’t work out. I’m sure if he just keeps trying different genres, sooner or later he’ll find one he’s good at. I wonder if he’s considered romantic comedies yet? I hear the new Kate Hudson flick is looking for a director.

Here’s an idea: Why don’t Durst, Rob Zombie, Slash, and Dee Snider all just team up to make one Voltron of a mainstream metal movie? Snider could write it, Slash could produce it, and Zombie and Durst could take turns fucking up the direction.

The silver lining in all of this is that there’s still no release date for Limp Bizkit’s Gold Cobra, and if Durst really starts filming a movie early next year, there will be no Bizkit touring for awhile. So maybe we’ll actually catch a break, at least for a few months.

-AR

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