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Contests

TIME FOR THE THIRD ANNUAL “RUN METALSUCKS FOR A DAY” CONTEST!!!

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011 at 2:00pm by

That’s right — for the third year in a row, we are going to give one lucky (and talented) reader the chance to completely take over MetalSucks for the day! Whether you love MetalSucks or loathe MetalSucks, this is your chance to make the site everything you think it should be — even if for only twenty-four hours. We’ve had a lot of fun doing these in the past, and we’re always excited to see what the Temporary Editor-in-Chief comes up with.  So here’s how it works:

  • TELL US WHY WE SUCK IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW. Anytime between now and 8 a.m. EST this Monday, September 12, leave a comment below saying why MetalSucks, y’know, sucks. It can be as long or short as you want – it just has to be funny. And we mean actually funny — “U guyz r fags” is not funny and will not win. Axl and Vince will choose five to ten of their favorites to move onto round 2. Please note that YOU MUST REGISTER FOR THE COMMENTS WITH A REAL E-MAIL ADDRESS, as all finalists will be contacted by e-mail.
  • VOTE FOR WHO YOU THINK SHOULD WIN. Those selected by Axl and Vince will then be announced later in the day on Monday, September 12, at which point you, the readers, will vote for your favorites. The poll will close at midnight EST on Friday, September 16, with the winner to be announced the following morning. And whomever wins gets to…
  • TAKE OVER METALSUCKS ON FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23. All your stories must be turned in on Thursday, September 22 to be readied for publication. This is not because we want to look them over or edit them; on the contrary, we will be not be doing any editing or proofreading of any kind. You can say anything you want about anyone you want – you will be completely uncensored. You’ll need to provide the site slogan for that day. And if you want graphic(s) or video(s) to accompany a post, you will need to provide those, too.  We just need the stories handed in a day early so we can program them to publish the following day. That’s because, unfortunately, we can’t give you an administrative MetalSucks account, as that would allow you to delete previous posts, fuck up years of hard work, etc. But every story we run that day will be written by you, with your name on the byline. MetalSucks will be your site for one day. But there is one other catch:
  • IF YOU WIN, YOU HAVE TO MEET YOUR DEADLINE. Failure to claim your prize or do your job as sole editor/blogger for the day will result in your name being published on your takeover day so all the world knows you were too lazy/pussy/whatever to follow through. And that will be the only story that runs that day. Also –
  • THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE ARE INELIGIBLE TO WIN: Last year’s winner (in this case, Crack Hitler), anyone who is a writer for a blog or media outlet that we have linked to in the past, and anyone who has ever written or worked for MetalSucks in the past. Part of the point of this contest is to give a voice to the voiceless, so fair’s fair.

And that’s that.

Good luck, everyone. Now make us laugh.

-Axl & Vince

  • Dred Furst

    I’m not sure if he is eligible, but I nominate Ben Robson.

  • Dred Furst

    I’m not sure if he is eligible, but I nominate Ben Robson.

    • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

      haha i appreciate it! i’m pretty sure 95 percent of metalsucks readers are sick of hearing about me at this point anyway, though :P

      • Sacajawea

        I love ya Ben. You’re my favorite person on the internet.

      • Kurt

        gotta be honest, you’ve had your time to shine

        not that I don’t like your stuff, I really really do, but you’ve had mad publicity here 

        • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

          tbh i couldn’t write a day’s worth of blogs anyway. glad you dig my stuff though!

  • Kyle

    you are running wordpress, just set up a ‘author’ account…can write and publish their own posts but can’t touch anything else. or even a ‘contributor’ account where you can write but not publish…still can’t delete.

    You suck because you didn’t know that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515200062 Jon Buckley

    you guys pleasure me too much during my work day, I can’t say you suck (Axl does though for sure and this isnt being funny or in jest, I truly hate his articles).

    When is Vince going to say something about Sumerian bashing the shit out of him and revealing his jew identity.

    • Lickingudders

      Go back to your comb-over and fat cow of a girlfriend, Buckster.

  • Some Guy

    I read metalsucks exclusively for the bright and unique personalities that populate it.

    • AGHAST

      “bright and unique”? You sure you don’t mean banal and pathetic, bro?

      • Hagsat

        And, yet, here you still remain. 

        Pot, meet kettle.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carlos.bozzo Carlos Bozzo L

    You basically suck because you’ve pretty much fucked my life with shitty bands like Gojira, Binary Code, and Cilice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000513072818 Jeremy Schnoor

    Let’s get Century Media’s opinion shall we?

  • Camaro Matt

    Dudezzz and dudettezzz, Here it iz! Hottt Lixxx Featureing Camaro Matt iz finally here 2 give you some real rock 2 lissen 2! Our first track off the album AutoMattic is called Midnite Rokker (Rokkin After Midnite) try 2 keep up! Were here 2 save U from the pussy shit that PLAGUES thiz BORED HAHA! Therz alot more 2 cum and i know U will B amaZed so lissen all you hard kore Ppl who R up now ROKKIN AFTER MiDNITE!!! Yeah U know who U R!http://www.myspace.com/hotttlixxxfeatureingcamaromattFFFUUCCKK YYEEAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Camaro Matt

      sorry dead link here it is http://www.myspace.com/hotttlixxxfeatureingcamaromatt

      • toast

        Doesn’t matter man no one’s going to click your shitty myspace link anyway.

        • Camaro Matt

          dont let pozerz like toast sway yer jujment check it out cmon axl u no u like the old shit brother!!!!

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000513072818 Jeremy Schnoor

            He probably does. But old shit that isn’t forcefully revived by some shitty new age scene. Also, your lack of dictionary based vocabulary concerns me…

          • camaro matt

            ya bro but thats totally like what im saying dude im frum the old skool and its lame to see all these post grunj buttrokkerzx try to take away from the roots of the elderz u no what im saying. HOTTTLIXXX Is BRingin it back ppl try to be propr or smrt or stiupid shit and i WOOD luv to have thee site f0r a day 2 make tributs 2 the OLD SKOOL when metal had sum meaning u no.  VINCE KNEEL dint get away with murder cuz he sucked at life rite think bout it. his dotter died u idiot. dont b a PRICK.

        • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

          i clicked the link and it changed my life.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515200062 Jon Buckley

            mine too, we should probably consider this a sign we are soulmates Ben Robson (pretend that was in a female electronic voice whilst upon reading your name just then)

      • TransAm Pete

        Dude, you broke character.

      • TransAm Pete

        Dude, you broke character.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002189573344 Jim Slim

      fuck.. a whole day of steel panther worship?

  • Kuranes

    You suck for posting pictures of Hugh Hefner and making me feel bad about myself.

  • Lewis

    You suck because I’m off sailing with no internet access from the 14th-23rd September.

  • AGHAST

    You suck for giving Jews a bad name.

    • eloli

      That’s exactly what I think… here’s a guy who runs a metal site,
      throws stupid hissy fits about the use of nazi imagery by Slayer,
      Lemmy’s nazi paraphernalia collecting hobby or the offensiveness and
      antisemitism of bands like Black September, yet has no problems on
      giving Varg Vikernes lots of press because, you know, he generates site
      traffic, despite being an asshole that advocates the killing of his
      people. Kind of perpetuates the “greedy amoral jews that would do
      anything for money” stereotype, IMO. Vince, if you’re going to make your
      heritage a big issue, the least you could do is not giving Varg any
      press. What’s next, a Metal Sucks sponsored Nokturnal Mortum / Graveland
      / Absurd / Arghoslent US Tour? :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=520503461 Josh Kruk

    You support the use of terms like “lulzy” from rubes like Sergeant D.  Need I say more?  

  • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

    You suck because you stopped publishing Justin Foley’s posts. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT THE ULTIMATE TACO RIFF IS NOW?!?!?

    • Aetherjake

      Dude whatever happened to that

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=9391234 Ryan Sean Heron

    u guys r fags

  • Tim

    Every Friday Axl and Vince show up at
    the place where I bartend, and each Friday somehow becomes the worst
    day of my life, every week topping the last. They show up in their
    IWABO shirts and camo shorts and make my life hell. I’ve gone past
    the point where I can tell if they’re trolling or not; I simply
    cannot fathom any sane man doing the things they’ve done, and I
    cannot believe that society allows them to go free if they act like
    this literally anywhere else. I can’t throw them out (my boss is
    Axl’s sister), so I just have to sit there and watch. And dodge
    sometimes. And mop up two or three times a night. Anyway, here’s
    what happened last week:

    I opened around noon, like I always
    do. I was looking forward to my usual six hour period of peace, so
    imagine my surprise when I looked up at 3:30 to see those
    insufferable douchebags come sauntering through the door. They sat
    down on either side of a woman at the bar who looked like she’d spent
    the last 30 years trying her hardest to make sure Dino Cazares never
    went hungry again, and stared at her. She looked over at Vince, and
    said “Can I help you young man?” Vince fell off his stool, eyes
    full of some unspeakable mix of fear and lust that was so terrible it
    made me forget what puppies are. Axl spun her towards him with an
    almost inhuman suddenness, and screamed “I’M SORRY MISS, WHAT MY
    FRIEND MEANS TO SAY IS THAT HE DESIRES AND IS PREPARED TO TAKE YOUR
    VIRGINITY!”

    As she ran screaming from the bar, I
    found in my apathy the knowledge that they’d finally killed
    everything good inside me. I was frightened by the possibility that
    I had become like them, and spent the rest of that day in a numb
    haze; I’ve never been closer to sleep while waking, and when I
    finally snapped back to reality at 12:30, I realized I had been
    drugged. I wondered at why I felt surprised, but only for a moment,
    because “Wow, I’m surprised” doesn’t really stand up to “Wow,
    I’m tied down and there’s blood all over the walls.” I looked
    around to try and get my bearings; rows of archaic computers, dusty
    shelves, blood and feces everywhere, and that’s when I saw it. I
    immediately knew where I was, and I screamed. And screamed. And
    screamed. The object was a stuffed mallard duck.

    I was in The Mansion. Their Mansion.
    I heard the monkeys begin to hoot and chant in the distance, and I
    prayed that Axl and Vince had remembered to lock the cage. Last time
    this happened I had to mace four of the little beasts to get free,
    but I grew more concerned when I saw that the ropes were tied this
    time, and my mace was gone; they were learning. It took me three hours to get free and
    kill my way out of there, using only the rusty knives and needles
    that litter the mansion floor as weapons. I got back to the bar at
    3:55, where I was promptly fired for leaving the bar unattended. I
    could say that now I am free of them, but that will never be true.
    Always I will see them… their eyes open too wide, their faces
    straining smiles as though to create an illusion of emotion they did
    not understand, the smell of meth hanging around them like a shroud… all of
    it will haunt me until I die.

    That is why I think Axl & Vince
    suck.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515200062 Jon Buckley

      you had me if you left it at the bar scene.

    • http://flavors.me/cognomen Cognomen

      tl;dr

    • http://flavors.me/cognomen Cognomen

      tl;dr

  • colbow

    y’know what? you suck because in these contests you always want us to come up with something funny.
    WELL, TOO BAD, I HEARD METAL IS NOT FUNNY! IT’S FUCKING SERIOUS SHIT, YOU KNOW? with all those GROWLS and shit about DEATH and stuff. so fuck you. it doesn’t make sense!

  • Chris

    sergeant d. is the biggest troll i’ve ever seen.

  • brandonmetal

    way too lazy to enter this.  besides, i’ll be in PA for the philly FM fest /m/

  • AaronDeepurple

    You suck because you push Spotify like a dealer on crack.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002131340820 Pat Arriola

      #WINNING!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002131340820 Pat Arriola

      #WINNING!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002131340820 Pat Arriola

      #WINNING!

  • Anonymous

    You suck because you post too much Djent crap, and then all your djent fanboys attack my posts with their butthurt comments. I want a day of publication to prove why I’m right, and all you nerds can try and defend your shitty taste with your feeble, eczema infested hands on your sunny-d smelling keyboards.

    COME AT ME BRO’S!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515200062 Jon Buckley

      I want to come on you bro!  I MEAN CUM sorry!

    • jadedkid

      THIS GUY SHOULD WIN!

  • Zebeldakh

    iwrestledabearonce are the Faith No More of the Modern World.

  • blackjustice

    You guys suck because you are the worse editors ever. Seriously you can’t spell check worth a shit having typo after typo putting me in a Nichols cage “Vampires Kiss” state of insanity. You post articles about how Emmure and Victory records suck yet you have no problems taking their money like a bunch of money hungry jews (jk jews are not money hungry and are just as equal as anyone else in my mind).

    I am the fucking highlander of comments on this blog, having over a 1000 posts on this bitch. Check out my disqus profile if you don’t believe me. Not only would me taking over  be a fun day of my crazy asshole rants, opinions, a few new bands, and just general fun, but a way to get back at me by all the comments I would receive that day telling me I suck balls and that I should go kill myself. Basically, it would be like walking a mile in your shoes if you will.

    Like this post if you like to party.

    Suck it Trebek!!!!

    • Kuranes

      Your Disqus profile says 74 posts on MetalSucks.

      • blackjustice

        Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you. Spending the amount of time I do on this site is enough to make me want to load my shotgun and end it all. 

        It just cleared out ironically when I looked at it after your post, but under my old handle of “Matt” (how original right?) and my new one I have over a 1000 when I had checked earlier today….Sometimes the merger goes berserk and I have to redo it I’ve noticed. I believe the number was something like 600 something on “Metal sucks beta” and 400 on just “metal sucks”. I’ve been annoying everyone on this site for about 3 years now so that number seems about right to me. 

        • blackjustice

          My calculator I had up earlier to add the two says 1062

        • blackjustice

          My calculator I had up earlier to add the two says 1062

        • blackjustice

          My calculator I had up earlier to add the two says 1062

      • blackjustice

        Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you. Spending the amount of time I do on this site is enough to make me want to load my shotgun and end it all. 

        It just cleared out ironically when I looked at it after your post, but under my old handle of “Matt” (how original right?) and my new one I have over a 1000 when I had checked earlier today….Sometimes the merger goes berserk and I have to redo it I’ve noticed. I believe the number was something like 600 something on “Metal sucks beta” and 400 on just “metal sucks”. I’ve been annoying everyone on this site for about 3 years now so that number seems about right to me. 

    • Kuranes

      Your Disqus profile says 74 posts on MetalSucks.

    • Kuranes

      Your Disqus profile says 74 posts on MetalSucks.

    • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

      “worse editors ever?” :P

      • blackjustice

        BAM!

    • Kurt

      self-proclaimed king of metal site comments, quite the title

      • blackjustice

        Because “I am the fucking highlander of comments on this blog” was such a serious statement!

        • NaziPuncFO

          “highlander” should be capitalized.

        • NaziPuncFO

          “highlander” should be capitalized.

    • NaziPuncFO

      Grammar Nazi Attacks!!

    • NaziPuncFO

      Grammar Nazi Attacks!!

    • NaziPuncFO

      Seriously, you can’t spell check worth a shit commonly having typo after typo putting me in a Nichols Cage “Vampire’s Kiss” state of insanity. 

      -Comma after “shit”.
      -”having typo” – wrong verb tense.
      -Comma after the second use of “typo”.
      -”putting” – wrong verb tense.
      -”Nichols” should be “Nicolas” or “Nic”.
      -Movie titles should be in all-caps or italicized.
      -Usage of “Nichols Cage “Vampire’s Kiss”" is incorrect. Should be re-written to say “in a state reminiscent to that of Nicolas Cage in Vampire’s Kiss.”

      I won’t go on much further, as you have failed Basic Editing 101 by your second sentence, but here are a few more:

      “Victory records” – Records should be capitalized.
      “jews” are capitalized.
      “highlander” should be capitalized and italicized.
      You have “discus” capitalized and not capitalized. Which is it?

      There really is no need to continue. 

      • blackjustice

        Auto correct screwed up Nicholas.

        Time to kill myself.

    • NaziPuncFO

      Seriously, you can’t spell check worth a shit commonly having typo after typo putting me in a Nichols Cage “Vampire’s Kiss” state of insanity. 

      -Comma after “shit”.
      -”having typo” – wrong verb tense.
      -Comma after the second use of “typo”.
      -”putting” – wrong verb tense.
      -”Nichols” should be “Nicolas” or “Nic”.
      -Movie titles should be in all-caps or italicized.
      -Usage of “Nichols Cage “Vampire’s Kiss”" is incorrect. Should be re-written to say “in a state reminiscent to that of Nicolas Cage in Vampire’s Kiss.”

      I won’t go on much further, as you have failed Basic Editing 101 by your second sentence, but here are a few more:

      “Victory records” – Records should be capitalized.
      “jews” are capitalized.
      “highlander” should be capitalized and italicized.
      You have “discus” capitalized and not capitalized. Which is it?

      There really is no need to continue. 

  • the benthic

    because the website is “metal” sucks, not “indie kinda metal(?) for old people” sucks, wheres the metal? cannibal corpse is recording a new album and no post. gotta get some grind and death metal back in this bitch, so i nominate myself. handle.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530649722 Roy Fry

    You suck for letting me know that Design the Skyline exist. That could’ve gone to a perfectly good shameless Spotify plug.

  • Grim Kim

    Let me do this sometime!

    • AGHAST

      Only contributor here worth a damn.

    • AGHAST

      Only contributor here worth a damn.

    • AGHAST

      Only contributor here worth a damn.

  • Fred Durst

    Now, as the father of nu metal, I have more then my fair share of experience regarding the suckitude of metal. I also know quite a bit about why you guys suck. Now I ain’t gonna skin yo ass completely raw, but a sizeable portion of your left butt cheek may be exposed.

    …I will proceed to work on a lengthy essay as to the precise measure of suckitude of Metalsucks, obtianed using Ansometrics; just hold on in the meantime…

  • Fred Durst

    Now, as the father of nu metal, I have more then my fair share of experience regarding the suckitude of metal. I also know quite a bit about why you guys suck. Now I ain’t gonna skin yo ass completely raw, but a sizeable portion of your left butt cheek may be exposed.

    …I will proceed to work on a lengthy essay as to the precise measure of suckitude of Metalsucks, obtianed using Ansometrics; just hold on in the meantime…

  • sweatdripsfrommyballs

    Swifting through the comment section I can say with good authority that 99% percent of the people that comment are really really really unfunny beta metal nerds with terrible attempts at “humor” and metal based puns. Just let the Sarge run Metal Sucks for a week and let him bring the alphaness back in meta…..oh wait metal is beta as all fuck! Omega if its folk and power metal.

  • sweatdripsfrommyballs

    Swifting through the comment section I can say with good authority that 99% percent of the people that comment are really really really unfunny beta metal nerds with terrible attempts at “humor” and metal based puns. Just let the Sarge run Metal Sucks for a week and let him bring the alphaness back in meta…..oh wait metal is beta as all fuck! Omega if its folk and power metal.

  • sweatdripsfrommyballs

    Swifting through the comment section I can say with good authority that 99% percent of the people that comment are really really really unfunny beta metal nerds with terrible attempts at “humor” and metal based puns. Just let the Sarge run Metal Sucks for a week and let him bring the alphaness back in meta…..oh wait metal is beta as all fuck! Omega if its folk and power metal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002131340820 Pat Arriola

    Because of your piss poor attempts at trolling.

    “lol u guyz kirk hamet is teh best guitarest evarrr!”

    -______-

  • earthsherm

    You guys suck because you never wave back when I see you.

  • earthsherm

    You guys suck because you never wave back when I see you.

  • Anthony Oliver

    Theorem:
    1. Metalsucks = sucks
    2. Metal(sucks) = sucks
    3. Metal * (sucks) = sucks
    4. Metal = sucks / sucks
    5. Metal = 1

    So metal is #1 bitches.  ”Suck on that”

  • Komodo Moses

    I’m gonna be honest here. You guys suck because you spend way too much time bitching about things that you think are lame, shitty, or do indeed, suck. I could give to shits about things that suck, I read your site for good metal recommendations, exclusive tracks, interviews, contests, etc., not to read 20 articles every week about how much you guys hate deathcore. Let someone that actually cares run the goddamn stie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1225749739 Carrigan Carëbeär Schmillby

    You suck because you’re too damn lazy to run your fucking blog

  • ee

    do you still need people telling you why you suck? that’s outrageous, really… I wouldn’t know where to start, never experienced such brutal “suckness” anywhere else in my life… luckly for me I’m not interested in ”taking over” this crap

  • Dirty

    You know who doesn’t suck? Emmure. They are hard a fuck! Who cares about any other bands, these guys are the future of metal as a whole genre. Most of you are probably jacking-off to your old copy of Rip magazine 1996 style with Marilyn Manson on the cover and shit. I’m just trying to say sucking Devin Townsends dick and being gun-shy or being from Ohio gives you any credibility at all. Emmure is the bomb and I’m 31 years old.

  • Dirty

    You know who doesn’t suck? Emmure. They are hard a fuck! Who cares about any other bands, these guys are the future of metal as a whole genre. Most of you are probably jacking-off to your old copy of Rip magazine 1996 style with Marilyn Manson on the cover and shit. I’m just trying to say sucking Devin Townsends dick and being gun-shy or being from Ohio gives you any credibility at all. Emmure is the bomb and I’m 31 years old.

  • http://www.facebook.com/NuttersaurusRex Austin Sharktopus Nutter

    You suck because your opinions on a lot of bands seem arbitrary and inconsistent. I understand that not all the writers have the same tastes, but I’ve seen writers change their mind about certain bands, going from liking them to hating them, or talking shit about them to sponsoring their tour, and being forced to put on a shit eating grin and push something that isn’t all that good.
    You also suck because I see all these awesome tours pass right by the midwest and get butthurt and immediately bitch to everyone in the vicinity, and you guys have to just fucking deal with it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/NuttersaurusRex Austin Sharktopus Nutter

    You suck because your opinions on a lot of bands seem arbitrary and inconsistent. I understand that not all the writers have the same tastes, but I’ve seen writers change their mind about certain bands, going from liking them to hating them, or talking shit about them to sponsoring their tour, and being forced to put on a shit eating grin and push something that isn’t all that good.
    You also suck because I see all these awesome tours pass right by the midwest and get butthurt and immediately bitch to everyone in the vicinity, and you guys have to just fucking deal with it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Patton/100000118933417 Nick Patton

      Yes, Missouri has gotten FUCKED with tours this summer. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/jordan.oates1 Jordan Oates

    If I were to win, it would be a massive Power Metal Party, with some prog, thrash, traditional, and death metal throne in for good measure.  And maybe some hair metal and a Sarge alpha/beta post also.  I’ve come to realize that Anso and I pretty much love the same bands, and Corey and I at least love the Steelers.  Oh and I would probably point out where I am in Ben Robson’s Nevermore live vid.  And I promise no Daarth beheadings either.

    Though school may just force me to not post anything if I actually did win.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jordan.oates1 Jordan Oates

      Oh and you guys suck cuz you’re all a bunch of betas who can’t stand music that is positive/makes a person feel good/what the popular guys like.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Patton/100000118933417 Nick Patton

    A realistic reason for why one may say you suck would have to be the extraordinary levels of hypocrisy amongst your writers. You so often take the role of the “Douchebag Metal Elitist”, yet then you come back and talk about your love for shit genre’s like Djent. Have you not yet realized that Djent is the deathcore of 2012? Deathcore is too trendy for the hipsters, so they need a new fucking hobby. Do me a favor, Get off Tosin Abassi’s dick. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.delarosa Jonathan Delarosa

    You guys suck because of all the Spotify punditry. I mean obviously it’s Grooveshark or GTFO.

    Oh and metropolis342@gmail.com

  • Doctor Cockinson

    Before I started reading metal sucks I didn’t know about this universal pictures sponsored abomination http://www.metalsucks.net/2010/04/16/richy-nix-metals-answer-to-ebola/ I didn’t know the antagonist in every Hollywood movie was a jail-dwelling, flamethrower-using cretin that eats babies for most meals http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/08/11/30-minutes-or-less-and-hollywoods-ongoing-equation-of-metal-with-hooliganism/#more-68737 I had no knowledge that Labeouf was capable of having shock value that rivals that of manson http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/09/02/marilyn-manson-and-shia-labeouf-now-competing-to-see-who-can-be-a-bigger-putz/

    ^what can be seen cant be unseen. you fucking suck

  • Chimp-0-Neg

    The internet was designed for porn. If you guys
    hadn’t started this fucking blog all these people here would be happily jacking
    off at home instead of littering the internet with their illiterate, whiny,
    irrelevant opinions. The reason you suck is because you have given these losers
    here a voice. They’re not even “comments”, they’re just a continuous
    stream of deranged, ill conceived brain vomit written in cybershit. If anything
    is going to disprove the theory on infinite monkeys and typewriters and
    the complete works of Shakespeare: it’s one glance at the
    retarded thoughts of the metal sucks monkeys.  Butthurt? oh fuck the
    fuck off. 

  • Chimp-0-Neg

    The internet was designed for porn. If you guys
    hadn’t started this fucking blog all these people here would be happily jacking
    off at home instead of littering the internet with their illiterate, whiny,
    irrelevant opinions. The reason you suck is because you have given these losers
    here a voice. They’re not even “comments”, they’re just a continuous
    stream of deranged, ill conceived brain vomit written in cybershit. If anything
    is going to disprove the theory on infinite monkeys and typewriters and
    the complete works of Shakespeare: it’s one glance at the
    retarded thoughts of the metal sucks monkeys.  Butthurt? oh fuck the
    fuck off. 

  • Anonymous

    Metalsucks sucks for the following reasons (among others):

    - You’re a bunch of hipsters, e.g. the ever so subtly ironic site name, obsession with obscure bands that are more often than not painfully mediocre, etc.

    - You need to learn to proof read.  Hell, I’ll do that shit in exchange for sloppy seconds on whatever free swag that’s laying around the mansion y’all don’t want.  It also couldn’t hurt to, you know, resemble a professional publication.

    - You should have made Manowar a full blown meme by now. 

    - The search bar should be closer to the top of the page.  Would it kill you to put it one ad higher so my lazy ass doesn’t have to scroll?

    - There is a disturbing lack of folk on the Suckfest.  You really couldn’t find one available band with a fiddle and/or hurdy gurdy player? 

    - Yes, the first two Skid Row albums are damn good but oh wait, no I agree here.  Disregard this and continue to the next bullet point.

    - According to you as far as “modern metal guitar playing” is concerned Synyster Gates > Ihsahn

    - I found no Bearmortal shirts at my local Urban Outfitters.

    If any of these are contested due to having been previously mentioned all I have left to say is tl;dr because even Thanos Reignz’s suckitude pales in comparison to your unparalleled schmuckery.

  • Charliedonnelly

    I CAN PRETEND TO LIKE JOEY BELLADONNA WHILE I’M INTERVIEWING HIS BAND.

    I CAN TELL YOU WHY THE NEW OPETH, MASTODON, AND DREAM THEATER ALBUMS SUCK.

    I CAN TELL YOU HOW UNEARTH WENT FROM AWESOME TO STUPID

    I CAN TELL YOU HOW CYNIC SUCKED UNTIL TRACED IN AIR

    I CAN CAN

    I CAN TELL YOU WHY DECAPITATED IS THE BEST

    I CAN EXPLAIN

    I CAN TALK SHIT ON DAVE MUSTAINE EVEN THOUGH I LOVE HIS BULLSHIT

    I CAN REFRAIN FROM RACIAL SLURS

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515200062 Jon Buckley

      winner!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515200062 Jon Buckley

      winner!

  • Dingas McCloud

    You guys suck because you help keep me from hanging myself with my tie, which is really just a fancy noose. 

  • Henchman

    Yall really suck and need to be schooled and spanked in the one glorious thing we all are unworthy of, Metal!
    If I win, I will bring booze n’ bitches.

  • Oats4234

    You guys truly do suck. You use rhetoric and sarcasm to mock others as if you are some kind of gods, when it is clear to any intelligent human that patrols the site now and then that you were all conceived in an incestuous backseat fap fest that went horribly awry. I mean really? You employ Sergeant D. That alone qualifies people to go to the “special school”. And jebus fuck. James Hetfield wasn’t the #1 modern metal guitarist? You even dared to put a reindeer at #2. How dare you guys call yourselves metalheads.

  • BLACKY

    I need the opportunity so I can provide for Billy Milano, He’s carrying My Baby.

    No really!  He’s been carrying It around in His arms for nine months.

    If I don’t provide for Him, He says He’s going to eat it!  HELP!!!!

  • SeaXofXlies

    I might say that you guys suck because of the raging herd of 72 stuck-to-the-bottom-of-the-garbage-can dregs of society who attempted to be funny before me, but I realized I may not be the correct authority to judge why you suck. 

    I decided that, while I could come up with a short, mediocre list of mildly funny reasons that you suck, I know three guys who could provide a much more extensive answer, including how you suck, how often you suck, if you use teeth, and if you spit or swallow:

  • Saint Ferret

    You guys suck because until I started visiting this site, I was content and ignorant enough to believe that trolls only existed in the stories I read as a kid or in that cinematic classic “Earnest Scared Stupid.” Now I find out that trolls not only exist, but two of them run their own blog, and have so much knowledge about “the metal” that they even have the fortitude to act like they are more omniscient than Ziltoid when it comes to matters of heavy music and record labels.

  • Saint Ferret

    You guys suck because until I started visiting this site, I was content and ignorant enough to believe that trolls only existed in the stories I read as a kid or in that cinematic classic “Earnest Scared Stupid.” Now I find out that trolls not only exist, but two of them run their own blog, and have so much knowledge about “the metal” that they even have the fortitude to act like they are more omniscient than Ziltoid when it comes to matters of heavy music and record labels.

  • Dantera

    because i’m drunk. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/robbiereject Robert Keller

    Vince and Axl are the scourge of metal. They won’t admit it, but they love Nightwish. They have wet dreams about a Tarja Turunen, Anette Olzon lesbian sex scene. The piano riff from Nemo will be playing in the background as they make sweet passionate love to each other. Vince and Axl also dream of going on a picnic with Krysta Cameron of iwrestledabearonce. They’re hipsters, so it’s only fitting she’s the object of their affections. The two of them will fight over who will spoon feed her potato salad and who will carry her back to the car when she falls asleep in their arms. Emmure is also another favorite of theirs. In the video for Solar Flare Homicide, you can clearly see Vince and Axl broing out with the hxc bros, plus the one little scene chick; by the way, she’s an ex of mine, I regret my association with her, she has shit taste in music. Before Vince was a true metalhead, he was a Ronnie Radke fanboy, chasing Escape The Fate across the US, in a similar fashion to Dead Heads, looking for his miracle ticket. Vince and Axl met at Warped Tour one glorious summer. Vince salivating over Ronnie, Axl deciding who to idolize Craig Owens, Mike Hranica, Sonny Moore, or Jerry Roush.  I think I’ve proven my point why Axl and Vince suck; by the way you guys are totally unprofessional and have horrible grammar, editing skills, and tastes in music. I’m not surprised That’s Not Metal hasn’t decimated your credibility yet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/robbiereject Robert Keller

    Vince and Axl are the scourge of metal. They won’t admit it, but they love Nightwish. They have wet dreams about a Tarja Turunen, Anette Olzon lesbian sex scene. The piano riff from Nemo will be playing in the background as they make sweet passionate love to each other. Vince and Axl also dream of going on a picnic with Krysta Cameron of iwrestledabearonce. They’re hipsters, so it’s only fitting she’s the object of their affections. The two of them will fight over who will spoon feed her potato salad and who will carry her back to the car when she falls asleep in their arms. Emmure is also another favorite of theirs. In the video for Solar Flare Homicide, you can clearly see Vince and Axl broing out with the hxc bros, plus the one little scene chick; by the way, she’s an ex of mine, I regret my association with her, she has shit taste in music. Before Vince was a true metalhead, he was a Ronnie Radke fanboy, chasing Escape The Fate across the US, in a similar fashion to Dead Heads, looking for his miracle ticket. Vince and Axl met at Warped Tour one glorious summer. Vince salivating over Ronnie, Axl deciding who to idolize Craig Owens, Mike Hranica, Sonny Moore, or Jerry Roush.  I think I’ve proven my point why Axl and Vince suck; by the way you guys are totally unprofessional and have horrible grammar, editing skills, and tastes in music. I’m not surprised That’s Not Metal hasn’t decimated your credibility yet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002189573344 Jim Slim

    winner

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002189573344 Jim Slim

    winner

  • Eboli

    Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

  • Eboli

    Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

  • Vakarm

    You guys suck tranny penis, and here’s why:

    -You guys keep on bitching about Varg Vikernes yet you keep on giving him coverage. Practice what you preach and stop giving that little pissant attention.
    -Your “Power Metal Party” column is absolutely terrible because the bands you feature are crap. Vulvagun?? Come on guys there are WAY better power metal bands than that out there (that aren’t Rhapsody (of fire, or whatever the shit))
    -Your site features more terrible music to us than Blabbermouth. I had no idea bands called Attack! Attack! or Motionless in White existed before you guys showed them. Fuck you
    -If i see one more post about ICP, i will drive down to NYC and slap your childhood rabbi with a porkchop. And then , just to be a dick, i will tattoo “Abbath was here” on his forehead just so he can’t be buried in a jewish cemetery
    - You’ve never handed over the reins of Metalsucks to Sergeant D for a day, especially because he is clearly the most popular writer on this ass-wipe worthy of a blog
    - You have more pictures of ugly mofos showing their dicks than girls showing boobs. Instead you refer your readers to Evan Seinfeld-Tera Patrick porn. Have you actually seen that guy naked? It’s the single most unpleasant thing ever and you should all go to hell for bringing this to our attention.
    -Those few times you had a porn star write a column….that was an all time low, guys. I actually thought Sergeant D was behind it for some time.

    Keep up the good work

  • Vakarm

    You guys suck tranny penis, and here’s why:

    -You guys keep on bitching about Varg Vikernes yet you keep on giving him coverage. Practice what you preach and stop giving that little pissant attention.
    -Your “Power Metal Party” column is absolutely terrible because the bands you feature are crap. Vulvagun?? Come on guys there are WAY better power metal bands than that out there (that aren’t Rhapsody (of fire, or whatever the shit))
    -Your site features more terrible music to us than Blabbermouth. I had no idea bands called Attack! Attack! or Motionless in White existed before you guys showed them. Fuck you
    -If i see one more post about ICP, i will drive down to NYC and slap your childhood rabbi with a porkchop. And then , just to be a dick, i will tattoo “Abbath was here” on his forehead just so he can’t be buried in a jewish cemetery
    - You’ve never handed over the reins of Metalsucks to Sergeant D for a day, especially because he is clearly the most popular writer on this ass-wipe worthy of a blog
    - You have more pictures of ugly mofos showing their dicks than girls showing boobs. Instead you refer your readers to Evan Seinfeld-Tera Patrick porn. Have you actually seen that guy naked? It’s the single most unpleasant thing ever and you should all go to hell for bringing this to our attention.
    -Those few times you had a porn star write a column….that was an all time low, guys. I actually thought Sergeant D was behind it for some time.

    Keep up the good work

  • Vakarm

    You guys suck tranny penis, and here’s why:

    -You guys keep on bitching about Varg Vikernes yet you keep on giving him coverage. Practice what you preach and stop giving that little pissant attention.
    -Your “Power Metal Party” column is absolutely terrible because the bands you feature are crap. Vulvagun?? Come on guys there are WAY better power metal bands than that out there (that aren’t Rhapsody (of fire, or whatever the shit))
    -Your site features more terrible music to us than Blabbermouth. I had no idea bands called Attack! Attack! or Motionless in White existed before you guys showed them. Fuck you
    -If i see one more post about ICP, i will drive down to NYC and slap your childhood rabbi with a porkchop. And then , just to be a dick, i will tattoo “Abbath was here” on his forehead just so he can’t be buried in a jewish cemetery
    - You’ve never handed over the reins of Metalsucks to Sergeant D for a day, especially because he is clearly the most popular writer on this ass-wipe worthy of a blog
    - You have more pictures of ugly mofos showing their dicks than girls showing boobs. Instead you refer your readers to Evan Seinfeld-Tera Patrick porn. Have you actually seen that guy naked? It’s the single most unpleasant thing ever and you should all go to hell for bringing this to our attention.
    -Those few times you had a porn star write a column….that was an all time low, guys. I actually thought Sergeant D was behind it for some time.

    Keep up the good work

  • Vakarm

    You guys suck tranny penis, and here’s why:

    -You guys keep on bitching about Varg Vikernes yet you keep on giving him coverage. Practice what you preach and stop giving that little pissant attention.
    -Your “Power Metal Party” column is absolutely terrible because the bands you feature are crap. Vulvagun?? Come on guys there are WAY better power metal bands than that out there (that aren’t Rhapsody (of fire, or whatever the shit))
    -Your site features more terrible music to us than Blabbermouth. I had no idea bands called Attack! Attack! or Motionless in White existed before you guys showed them. Fuck you
    -If i see one more post about ICP, i will drive down to NYC and slap your childhood rabbi with a porkchop. And then , just to be a dick, i will tattoo “Abbath was here” on his forehead just so he can’t be buried in a jewish cemetery
    - You’ve never handed over the reins of Metalsucks to Sergeant D for a day, especially because he is clearly the most popular writer on this ass-wipe worthy of a blog
    - You have more pictures of ugly mofos showing their dicks than girls showing boobs. Instead you refer your readers to Evan Seinfeld-Tera Patrick porn. Have you actually seen that guy naked? It’s the single most unpleasant thing ever and you should all go to hell for bringing this to our attention.
    -Those few times you had a porn star write a column….that was an all time low, guys. I actually thought Sergeant D was behind it for some time.

    Keep up the good work

  • http://twitter.com/exsinner Haris Radzi

    metalsucks sucks because they suck titties

  • http://twitter.com/exsinner Haris Radzi

    metalsucks sucks because they suck titties

  • G0re0bsessed

    Probably would be a bad idea to give me control. All i would do would post shit about Cannibal Corpse and video games.

  • G0re0bsessed

    Probably would be a bad idea to give me control. All i would do would post shit about Cannibal Corpse and video games.

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    Why do these comments need approval before appearing?!?!?!

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    Why do these comments need approval before appearing?!?!?!

  • Anonymous

    You fucking suck, MetalSucks. You post at regular intervals
    throughout the day, making me waste shit-tons of time at work. It probably
    takes an average of 5 minutes to read/listen to each post, and because I’m a
    pathetic loser I will wait in anticipation from three minutes before the post
    is supposed to go up. This means you waste 16 of my minutes every hour of every
    weekday, which equals nearly two hours of my workday gone to reading about obscure
    and nerdy bands like Animals as Leaders and Behold… The Arctopus, knowledge of which will absolutely never get me laid. Wasting all this time at work means I don’t
    get my shit done on time and that every so often a coworker will look at my
    computer screen and ask why the fuck I’m listening to a stream of a band called
    Cannabis Corpse or giggling at a picture of Lars Ulrich’s tiny Danish dick. This
    all leads to me never having any hope of a promotion, and therefore making more
    money, thus further assuring I will never get laid. To conclude, you suck
    because you are a huge, HUGE fucking cockblock. Way to be, douchebags.

    Let me run this site for a day and I will endow your readers
    with knowledge of bands that actually stand a chance of getting them laid. I
    waste all my time at work dredging through the internet to find info on bands
    from all genres that totally rule, and some of them are actually not
    female-repellent, unlike Behold… The Arctopus. I will never get the chance to
    show any women these bands because I am a lonely, bitter misanthrope, but I
    figure someone should benefit from my squandered opportunities and wasted youth.

    I will also school all of you jackasses on why Lars Ulrich is a criminally underrated drummer, even though his penis looks like a proboscis monkey fetus with an afro. Your call, assholes.

  • Anonymous

    You fucking suck, MetalSucks. You post at regular intervals
    throughout the day, making me waste shit-tons of time at work. It probably
    takes an average of 5 minutes to read/listen to each post, and because I’m a
    pathetic loser I will wait in anticipation from three minutes before the post
    is supposed to go up. This means you waste 16 of my minutes every hour of every
    weekday, which equals nearly two hours of my workday gone to reading about obscure
    and nerdy bands like Animals as Leaders and Behold… The Arctopus, knowledge of which will absolutely never get me laid. Wasting all this time at work means I don’t
    get my shit done on time and that every so often a coworker will look at my
    computer screen and ask why the fuck I’m listening to a stream of a band called
    Cannabis Corpse or giggling at a picture of Lars Ulrich’s tiny Danish dick. This
    all leads to me never having any hope of a promotion, and therefore making more
    money, thus further assuring I will never get laid. To conclude, you suck
    because you are a huge, HUGE fucking cockblock. Way to be, douchebags.

    Let me run this site for a day and I will endow your readers
    with knowledge of bands that actually stand a chance of getting them laid. I
    waste all my time at work dredging through the internet to find info on bands
    from all genres that totally rule, and some of them are actually not
    female-repellent, unlike Behold… The Arctopus. I will never get the chance to
    show any women these bands because I am a lonely, bitter misanthrope, but I
    figure someone should benefit from my squandered opportunities and wasted youth.

    I will also school all of you jackasses on why Lars Ulrich is a criminally underrated drummer, even though his penis looks like a proboscis monkey fetus with an afro. Your call, assholes.

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    I keep trying to post on here but it keeps saying my comment has to be approved first?!?!?  

    DEAR METALSUCKS:  PLEASE POST MY FULL COMMENT ON HERE SO I CAN HAVE MY CHANCE TO WIN TOO!!  

    I’ve tried to even post it in sections thinking maybe mine’s too long….but it wont let me.  I really hope these comments/contest entries are being fairly posted and not scanned first and certain ones being discarded and others being allowed to pass.  Mine fucking owns your soul.  Post is now so I can go ahead and just win.  

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    I keep trying to post on here but it keeps saying my comment has to be approved first?!?!?  

    DEAR METALSUCKS:  PLEASE POST MY FULL COMMENT ON HERE SO I CAN HAVE MY CHANCE TO WIN TOO!!  

    I’ve tried to even post it in sections thinking maybe mine’s too long….but it wont let me.  I really hope these comments/contest entries are being fairly posted and not scanned first and certain ones being discarded and others being allowed to pass.  Mine fucking owns your soul.  Post is now so I can go ahead and just win.  

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    MAKE SURE IT’S THE ENTIRE FULL LENGTH ONE TOO!!! k.thanks.  

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    MAKE SURE IT’S THE ENTIRE FULL LENGTH ONE TOO!!! k.thanks.  

  • Niveous Devilchild

    Too much time spent looking at Dani Filth wannabes and Emperor fanboys; not enough time looking for dirty Julie Christmas pictures. C’mon, there’s gotta be some out there somewhere!

  • Niveous Devilchild

    Too much time spent looking at Dani Filth wannabes and Emperor fanboys; not enough time looking for dirty Julie Christmas pictures. C’mon, there’s gotta be some out there somewhere!

  • Niveous Devilchild

    Too much time spent looking at Dani Filth wannabes and Emperor fanboys; not enough time looking for dirty Julie Christmas pictures. C’mon, there’s gotta be some out there somewhere!

  • saDan

    I pass off your snarky comments and slang metalology to pick up chicks in the east village.  Then I never call them again, but I leave the door open by telling them they made my best of 2011… so far list. 

  • http://www.vestascension.com Justin Gosnell

    Hmmm….still haven’t posted my comment…DO IT!! 

  • Dan

    Where is Justin Gosnell’s comment? >:(

  • Drumhead420

    Please do the right thing and approve Justin Gosnell’s comment.

  • Russ

    Yeah WTF?! I hope it’s just a delay with Justin’s post not showing up-that motherfucker is funny as shit!! His periphery tour diaries are comedic gold!! POST IT!!

  • Rusty

    Still haven’t seen Justin Gosnell’s post on here… wtf

  • The Flying Scotsman

    The reasons why this site and you guys (Vince & Axl) are award winning fellators are so multitudinous it is remarkable. So, a very partial list:

    - It’s quite obvious that you both spend far too much time picking seeds & shake out of each others ubiquitous hipster beards that it has escaped you that your site has turned into the seminal portal of shit Metal on the web.

    - While on your way to hang out with the scensters in Williamsburg you obviously spend an inordinate amount of time listening to any talentless “core” band you can, and then think anyone gives a shit about it.

    - On a tediously more frequent occurrence you surrender a page of the site to the inane and snorefest scribblings of Sergeant D, and seem incapable of realizing that not only is his “ironic” trolling coma inducing, but that he ostensibly writes the same post Every. Single. Time.

    - You have long since abandoned any sense of objectivity by allowing musicians space on your site, and therefore feel the need to then suck on those musicians band’s cocks until your aforementioned beards are covered in their disease infected jizz. I E. Your stroking of Eyal has blinded you to the fact Daath are a shit band who are laughable live.

    - Your knee pads are worn out from sucking so much bad musical schlong that you leave the only non-cursory discussions of good Metal to the criminally limited space you give to Grim Kim, Sammy, Satan and Corey.

    - While interviewing and talking about Jason Suecof, you’ve avoided a full post about the brilliant Crotchduster and instead chose to write posts about the cliched, overwrought and drivel of Dethklok & Metapocalypse; a cartoon whose humor lasted 30 seconds into the first episode.

    - Finally, you’ve eschewed any good promotion of Black Metal unless it comes from fellow hirsute Brooklynites or someone in a cabin in a Northwest forest (not that they are necessarily bad), but that has come at the expense of other tremendous BM acts who aren’t as concerned on whether Brooklyn Vegan shoots their load over them.

    Succinctly: you suck!

  • Inigo Montoya

    You suck because you give more exposure to terrible bands than you give your skin exposure to the sun. You suck because at least hippies shut the fuck up about their drug use so society would tolerate them.And on that note, you suck because being a straightedge metalhead is like an oxymoron to everyone. Here’s another oxymoron: Hypocritical Metalsucks editor. Get it? I was being sarcastic LOL. Your jokes are so bad they wouldn’t use them on a Comedy Central roast.Your stories are so boring that if anyone was paying attention you’d suspect they’re a horny tranny.Why the hell do people in black metal makeup have to be the ONLY thing you guys can make jokes/puns/contest winners about? Seriously? You really think that fans of thrash metal, prog metal, power metal, plain ol’ heavy metal, and hard rock can’t take a joke? Rhetorical, by the way, I’m sure the fine heads at Metalsucks would figure that out.¿Se habla Español? I’m Puerto Rican and I’m sick of everything being in English. Try and reach a wider audience, cabrónes.And most of you all you suck because you’re just boring fucking cunts. I said it, much like a hooker on a bad Tuesday, you just have shitty taste. You know how when a pothead giggles after hearing “420″ and everyone laughs AT him because it’s sad? That’s what you pricks are doing to metal.

    • Inigo Montoya

      You suck because I had spaces to separate a wall of text. smh…

  • Drumhead420

    Why haven’t you guys approved Justin Gosnell’s comment?

  • Patrick

    HEY! Stop screening Justin Gosnell’s comment! Don’t be cunts! Just because he owns every bit of your sorry lame asses doesn’t mean you have to let your small dick syndrome take over!

    You pussies are just too afraid of how much Justin Gosnell owns you!