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About That Sh*tty New Attila Album

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Here’s the thing about Attila’s About That Life: on some level, I get it. Whereas most of their haircutcore peers can’t put a coherent song together to save their lives, Attila write reasonably catchy tunes. There’s at least one song, “Hellraiser,” which suggest that Attila could be one of the shittier bands to open for Avenged Sevenfold instead of one of the slightly-less-shitty bands on The All-Stars Tour. And, yes, that would be a step up for them.

But the band is being held back in some major ways. For one thing, there’s a total lack of originality — it’s hard to imagine any fifteen year old with the mildest amount of intellectual curiosity won’t quickly outgrow Attila as they explore even just the past decade of metal history some more. Even Attila’s song titles are derivative. Changing the word “stuff” to “shit” is about as close to innovation as they get.

An even bigger liability, though, is vocalist Chris “Fronz” Fronzak, who seemingly can’t help but leave a trail of douche slime everywhere he goes. He consistently makes the worst choices imaginable — it’s 2013, and yet this dude has the balls to rap. Which is actually only slightly less preferable than his constant frog croak vocals.  And his lyrics are sub-imbecilic — although they sometimes provide inadvertent comedy value, as when he rhymes “blunts” with “cunts,” usually they’re just trite. On “Party with the Devil,” he opines “I could never be a perfect fucking image of what you want” (boo-fucking-hoo), and “Rageaholics” actually begins with the line “We’re rebels without a cause.” Like… really, brah??? Whassa matter, you couldn’t find a single more obvious cliché to utilize?

As the album cover would suggest, the band — or at least Fronzak — are totally obsessed with superficial bullshit. I can never really stomach it when a band tries to apply this kind of mentality to metal, and besides, didn’t “I’m On A Boat” already declare a moratorium on this kind of nonsense? It would still take a major suspension of disbelief to see Attila as anything approaching serious or credible, but the least they could do is meet listeners halfway, doncha think?

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