Tour de Force

Tour Guides From Hell: Seeker Vocalist Bryce Lucien’s Top 10 Pig Out Destinations

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Seeker

Welcome back to “Tour Guides from Hell,” in which musicians from across the metalsphere tell us about some of their favorite places to hit up while they’re out on tour! This edition has been penned by Seeker vocalist Bryce Lucien; we highly recommend , which came out earlier this fall. Catch Seeker on tour right now with Silence the Messenger. 

1. The Jackelope (Austin, TX): The Jackelope is our fucking spot. They always have gnarly horror movies like Salo or Cannibal Holocaust playing, punk rock blasting, and loads of taxidermy decorations on the walls. Austin is our favorite place to play in the world, and eating the Jackalope’s bacon wrapped, pulled pork, and pineapple pico-de-gallo-covered hot dogs while power drinking as much beer as our bodies can hold is a must every time we’re down there.

2. Freemont St. (Las Vegas, NV): Fuck the Las Vegas strip. That oversized stroller and drunken frat boy-filled, tasteless monstrosity has all of the vibe and danger of Disney World. Freemont St. is where you need to be. Go to Drink and Drag, which is a drag queen bar that also doubles as a fully functioning bowling alley, before you hit the Las Vegas Club, Beauty Bar, and The Golden Nugget for cheap beers, cheap gambling, and the perfect amount of sleaziness.

3.  Muttz Amazing Hot Dogs (Oklahoma City, OK): If there’s a recurring theme to our behavior it’s that we are constantly overeating to the point of self-loathing and then drinking until we fall asleep. Muttz has literally the greatest fucking hot dogs on the planet, and is my personal favorite spot to shove as much food as possible into my fat fucking face. You can get everything from Bison hot dogs covered in goat cheese and green chilies to Andouille covered in crawfish and okra. Make sure to order their fried pickles and the largest order of duck fat fries you possibly can. Holy shit.

4. Illegal Pete’s (Denver, CO): Illegal Pete’s is a lot like Chipotle or Freebirds in concept, but the difference is that it’s actually really fucking good. The burritos are huge and delicious, and the staff is always amazingly cool enough to hook up touring bands with free food.

5. Peppermint Rabbit (Fayetteville, NC): This strip club is gross. Like really fucking gross. But you get in for free when you play the venue next door, and there’s no other place in the world where you’re more likely to see our bassist drunk and on drugs with his face buried in a 35 year old, overweight stripper’s ass.

6. Beer Revolution (Oakland, CA): We discovered this bar while we were recording our album. It’s gnarly, poorly lit, and filled with loads of cheap, high alcohol beers, making it perfect for people like us who like to start drinking at noon. The fact that it’s right by the water and they basically only play bands like Fear or the Dead Kennedy’s only makes us love this place more.

7. Zia Records (Phoenix, AZ): We now have a firm rule that we can’t visit Zia anymore while we’re on tour. Their selection is so on point and their prices are so ridiculously good that a simple “Hey, let’s go look around in Zia” comment turns into a wallet-crushing vinyl binge. Case in point: the last time we went to supposedly check if they had the new Bronx record cost us each about $80.

8. The Hat (Fullerton, CA): The Hat is the only place outside of New York City that has a pastrami sandwich this fucking wonderful. Every time we play the LA area, we get their Pastrami Dip. Mountains of perfectly cooked pastrami, covered in its own juices, and layered onto a bun that could never dream of containing it… Can you say goddamn? This sandwich is simple and mind-blowingly delicious. Eat here.

9. Tortas Giagantes (McAllen, TX): I have always had an infatuation with McAllen, TX. It’s basically in Mexico and, while there’s not a ton to do, the people are always interesting — and it’s home to Tortas Gigantes. Inside of this unassuming, rundown, yellow and white building lies the secret to eternal bliss. The humongous tortas, served with a side of mouth-searing spicy hot sauce, are the true loves of my life. We haven’t played in McAllen since April, and I am seriously considering making the twelve hour road trip from my home in Dallas just to gorge myself on as many of these things as I can fit into my face.

10. Denny’s (Fucking Everywhere): Let me preface this by saying that I fucking hate Denny’s. The thought of joylessly shoveling four thousand calories worth of lukewarm biscuits and gravy down my gullet at 2am makes me sick, and the knowledge that I will, you know, do that when we get there wrecks whatever shred of self-esteem I have managed to keep intact through my years of touring. I hate Denny’s so much more intensely because this seems to be the only place that anyone ever wants to eat. “Hey, let’s all go to Denny’s after this” is seemingly uttered by just about everyone on just about every fucking tour package ever, and those people will violently shoot down suggestions to go anywhere else. And so, despite my best attempts, I find myself at this place that I cannot stand five days out of the week. Denny’s, you are getting the best of me. If I have to watch our guitar player shovel another Lumberjack Grand Slam into his grease and egg yolk-covered face while I stare into the soggy remains of what surely could have once been a perfectly acceptable plate of hash browns I am going to explode. The world needs more 24-hour dining.

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