Metal Tech

Powerman 5000 Still Around, Still Look Like Powerman 5000

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I always get Powerman 5000 mixed up with Adema, because one band has Rob Zombie’s little brother in it, and the other band has Jonathan Davis’ little brother in it. Or something like that. Maybe it’s a half-brother? Honestly, who gives a fuck? The point is, they’re two shitty nu-metal bands who became moderately famous based primarily on the success of a family member. They’re like the Jeb Bush of metal!

ANYWAY, I mention it because yesterday I read on The PRP about how Powerman 5000 (which I’m pretty sure is the one with Rob Zombie’s brother… I think his name is like Ralph Zombie or something) have launched a crowdfunding campaign for their new album. Apparently the campaign was initially asking for $23 in exchange for a single CD — that’s it, just the CD, no perks or extra goodies — but that price has now been lowered to $15. Which, in a world where I can get Triptykon’s Melana Chasmata for twelve bucks, is STILL an outrageous amount to ask for a CD.

But whatever. I was never gonna pay fifteen cents for this waste of a perfectly good drink coaster, let alone fifteen dollars. Let the people who are willing to pay that much for Powerman 5000 music pay that much. I hope they’re very happy with their purchase. Sincerely.

Mostly, I just wanted to talk about this because a) who the fuck knew Powerman 5000 were still a thing?, and b) this is what Powerman 5000 look like now:

Powerman 5000 2014

Sweet mother of fuck, the amount of hair gel that dude must need… I’ll bet every dollar of this campaign is being invested directly into the task of keeping his hair erect. Isn’t that just a total pain in the ass to maintain? Doesn’t this dude ever look in the mirror and sigh to himself, “I’m so tired of devoting hours a day to looking like an anorexic Billy Idol”? Cut the charade, bruh! I know you probably think people won’t like your band if you don’t look cool, but fret not — you don’t look cool, and people are gonna hate your horrible band no matter what!

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