Cooking Contaminated

Bret Michaels is a Salad


bret michaels saladBret Michaels, who is originally from Butler, PA (just north of Pittsburgh), has now been honored by his almost-hometown in the most moving and iconic manner possible. Did they name a street after him? Better. Erect a monument in his honor? Bigger. Put him on a stamp? Chicken feed compared to the actual tribute. Put him on currency? A pimple on the ass of the recognition this great artist has now been paid.

They named a salad at the Hard Rock Café after him. And they’re not even doing it at the entire chain! Just at the one in Pittsburgh. Which is how you know it’s a stupendous honor. Nothing says “failure” like a worldwide franchise prominently displaying your name in all of their locations across the globe.

And The Bret Michaels Salad sounds delicious, too! It consists of…

  • 100% genuine imitation bibb lettuce
  • Grilled tuna filet with edible Bret Michaels-style bandana
  • Grape tomatoes with special silicone injections to make them ten times their regular size!
  • Hard boiled egg
  • Cannellini beans
  • A fork infected with herpes

Mmm, deeeeee-LISH!!! I am going to rent a car and drive to Pittsburgh IMMEDIATELY so I can try one of these things. Any MetalSucks readers in the area care to join me? We can talk about why the hell you live in Pittsburgh.


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