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Necessary Roughness, Week 12: Recapping the Thanksgiving Weekend Games

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Aretha Franklin’s National Anthem on Thursday afternoon is kind of a perfect analogy to Thanksgiving weekend football. In case you missed it:

IT NEVER ENDS.

In the case of the aforementioned Anthem, a little brevity would have been appreciated. In the case of watching football, just hook me up to a beer and gravy IV and let me hang a little longer. Thursday had two great games and one boring one. While I normally don’t care about the NCAA, rivalry weekend is pretty fun. And of course there were another TWELVE games on yesterday. It’s so nice when every single team gets to play and you have the time to watch almost all of them.

The Lions took sole control of the NFC North on Thursday with a tight game against the Vikings. I thought the Lions were going to crush after their opening drive, but the Vikings got some major help when two turnover calls were reversed during their first drive. I think the Lions are better than this game’s score indicates; Golden Tate is making great catches and running with them like a fucking maniac lately. The Vikings, meanwhile, still can’t run for shit and without Stefon Diggs they don’t have much else going on offensively. Their D is dominant, but apparently not enough to overcome the anemic offense.


The best game of Thanksgiving, in my opinion, was Washington at Dallas. Kirk Cousins has turned me into a fan by talking shit to management and playing like a monster – 41/53, 449 yds, 3 TDs. They couldn’t get the running game going, but dominated in literally every other facet of the game — passing, first downs, time of possession. Washington only punted ONCE ffs! Maybe if Dustin Hopkins didn’t have to kick directly into the goddamn sun, this one would’ve gone the other way.

How I managed to stay awake for all of the Steelers/Colts game is beyond me. The Colts blow. Even with a backup QB, you can tell this team is a sham and they deserve to finish third in what is probably the worst division in football. The Steelers should’ve hung 50+ on ’em.

Of course my beloved Giants managed to make the Browns look kinda good. As much shit as they take, I don’t think they’re 0-12 bad. Probably not even as bad as the 49ers! But the Giants still should have shut this one down much much earlier than they did. The worst part of this game was Odell Beckam doing the same LeBron celebration in the endzone twice because the first one got called back. Dude, you gotta let it go after the first one… they’re all broadcast (the second was better though.) Once again the defense proves it’s worth a trillion dollars. Janoris Jenkins, Eli Apple and Landon Collins all had great days and the front was dominant.

Tampa Bay is on some kinda roll ever since getting pasted by the Falcons at the beginning of November. They’ve taken down Kansas City and Seattle in consecutive weeks in pretty convincing fashion. Yesterday, they registered six sacks, held Seattle to one net yard in the first half and allowed exactly one third down conversion over the course of the entire game. Seattle’s O-Line may be even more of a liability than previously thought. If Jameis Winston hadn’t thrown that pick in the Seahawks endzone in the fourth, this one would have been done even earlier. Don’t be shocked if the Bucs make a playoff run! Jameis Winston and Mike Evans are fearless and playing on another level right now.

The Sunday night game is exactly the kinda game Alex Smith loves. Slow and without too much explosiveness. Seriously, how do you play nearly five entire quarters of football and end up with 273 total yards on offense? And win?! If the season ended today, the Chiefs would get a wild card spot and the Broncos would be out. Unfortunately for KC, the rest of their season is going to be tough. They need to get through Atlanta, Oakland, Tennessee, Denver (again) and San Diego to finish the season. I think Oakland just put the division out of reach by barely getting past the Panthers (their remaining schedule is easier, too.) This is a beautiful safety though:

Fantasy Pimp of the Week

Jordan Reed! Reed also deserves the tough motherfucker award this week for doing most of his damage with an apparently separated AC joint (whatever the hell that is, I would like to avoid it personally). Reed finished with 10 catches for 95 yards and 2 TDs. I’d love to show you his ballin’ one handed snag, but the NFL decided this was good enough:

Why are you retweeting cell phone videos, NFL? Gimme the good shit!

Rob Ryan’s Shit Kickin’ Jam Of The Week

rob-ryanRob Ryan is the NFL’s resident longhair. Look at that mane! When I feel like I can’t possibly chug another beer, one look at this maniac gives me hope. This is where I’m going to put a track that I like to imagine Rob and Rex drinking beers and smoking weed to every week. This week’s track is “Evil Woman” by the Doobie Brothers. Apparently the Doobies were pretty heavy for a minute there. The drums are fucking AWESOME in this track. Light one up and crank it!

Hey, by the way, I made a Spotify playlist for this stupid gimmick. Next time you’re “taking a walk” at a family gathering, invite your one cool uncle and play this while you do it.

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