MetalSucks

Five heavy hitting heavy hitters — Alice in Chains, Hatebreed, Austrian Death Machine, Steel Panther and Dethklok — all released new records last week. Solid 2nd and 3rd week performances from Three Days Grace, Muse, Megadeth, Five Finger Death Punch and others made it an all-around big week for metal. Let’s see how everyone fared after the jump.

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Last night a reader known simply as “Tim” e-mailed us to say that Glenn Danzig played drums on Hollywood Undead’s Swan Songs.

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted. Was this true? How come no one had said anything ’til now? So I investigated…

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After the super-slick piece of polished turd that was Lead Sails Paper Anchor didn’t launch Atreyu to super-stardom, the band made it clear that they wanted to get back to their roots with their new album. In fact, here’s a recent quote from singer Alex Varkatzas where he uses that very phrase:

“We started as a heavy hardcore band, and I think we’ve gotten away from that in recent years. The last record, for example, showcased us as a rock band with heavy parts. With this record, we want to return to our roots.”

And here’s Varkatzas from the latest issue of Revolver:

“Without trying to throw anybody under the bus, we looked back at our last record, and it wasn’t 100 percent the way we envisioned it.”

And then guitarist Dan Jacobs does throw somebody under the bus – specifically, producer John “Good Charlotte” Feldman:

“We let him get his hands a little too deep into the project… It made us uncomfortable in trying to express ourselves about what we wanted. He’s a big-time producer dude who’s had much success, so we were like, He must know what he’s talking about. What do we know? We’ve never had a gold or platinum record.”

So now that Atreyu have established that they want to get away from the gloss and “return to our roots,” what would you think is the best way of achieving that goal? A tour with Hollywood Undead? Yeah, that wouldn’t be my career advice, either.

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Last week was a ginormous week for new metal releases, and with new ones from Killswitch and Suicide Silence this week promises to be the same. Topping last week’s crop was Dream Theater’s Black Clouds & Silver Linings which debuted at #6 on the Soundscan Charts. Wait a minute… Dream Theater debuted at #6?? Holy fuckity-fuck. Darkest Hour, The Mars Volta, Maylene and the Sons of Disaster and Goatwhore also had strong debuts. Click through for chart positions and sales numbers.

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This week in Soundscan, supergroup Chickenfoot shifted a ridiculous number of records. I’m baffled too. Elsewhere, Iron Maiden had a solid debut and bands like Nickelback, Hollywood Undead, Shinedown, Slipknot, and Metallica continued on with business as usual.

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When will this horrible, horrible, horrible trend die out? Certainly not any time before June 16th, when Brokencyde’s new album, the appropriately titled I’m Not A Fan… But The Kids Like It comes out. Tours like this one are criss-crossing the country, Revolver is shilling for Hollywood Undead, and there’s a new crunk-core band popping up on the radio seemingly every week. Times are grim, my friends.

Here’s Brokencyde’s new video for “Booty Call.” Watch, fear for the well-being of our nation’s children, then hit up @brokencyde on Twitter and tell them how much they blow.

-VN

The infamous Now That’s What They Call Music comp, now it’s thirtieth iteration (!), will never stop selling. Nor will Hannah Montana. Given, it’s tough for any true metal band to crack the Billboard 200, but Mastodon did just once again that by notching a #11 debut with Crack the Skye, beat out metal-wise only by Papa Roach (ugh). Elsewhere, we got some surprises from Chris Cornell, Twiztid (!?) and others. Sales figures for those and other notable hard rock and metal releases after the jump.

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The May issue of Revolver has an article on Hollywood Undead and “the screamo-crunk explosion,” and while I’m aware that there are people I completely respect who love this shit, this particular sub-genre pretty much makes me want the ending of Dr. Strangelove to come true.

The article included some bands we’ve already declared our hatred for here at MS – the aforementioned Hollywood Undead, Brokencyde, and I Set My Friends on Fire – but also has the unfortunate distinction of having introduced me to Breathe Carolina and 3OH!3.

Honestly, I can’t see how these bands are considered metal, or even hard rock. But, then, I  can’t see how they would be considered anything other than “awful.”

Breathe Carolina, “Diamonds”

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The time is nigh, my friends. VH1 declared ’90s nostalgia relevant way before its time, but now it’s almost 2010… and ’90s nu-metal nostalgia is starting to creep into mainstream culture on a more organic level. Aside from shitstains like Hollywood Undead seemingly arriving via time-warp and stalwarts like (hed)p.e. completely neglecting the passage of an entire decade (punk, dude!), the generally on-point Sergeant D of Metal Inquisition posted a retroview of Crazytown’s entire discography over the holidays. This is the man who consistently pays non-ironic tributes to Nitro, and anyone who loves Nitro non-ironically is A-ok in our book.

But yo son, for realz: Crazytown?

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You may have noticed that one of the Google ads that keeps popping up around here recently is for some group called Hollywood Undead (In case you’re retarded, you should know that we actually have no control over what Google ads pop up on our site.). After seeing the same picture of this band day after day, I finally decided to check them out for myself.

Well, I would have been better off being the meat in a fuck sandwich with Billy Milano and Dino Cazares. Do people really still make, listen to, or in any way associate themselves with crap like this? Or did someone stick me in a time machine and whisk me away to 1998? I’m fairly certain that Hollywood Undead are just the members of Crazy Town with masks on so they don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of being recognized as the members of Crazy Town.

Anyway, I can’t even get through this entire piece of squirrel feces (For the record, I got as far as the gross chick with the mohawk taking her top off; then I barfed on my computer and turned it off.). Good luck to anyone else who cares to try.

-AR

P.S. Yes, I’m aware that simply by posting this article I’ve probably ensured hundreds of more Google ads for these dudes. Oh well.

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